Thanks To You
Nightmare.
I took a deep breath and relaxed on the bathtub. I don’t now for how long I’ve been there, but I just didn’t want to get out, like, never. Even though it was hot outside, I liked taking baths with hot water, it was relaxing. I stared at my scars wondering if Jack had seen them. I’ve been trying to forget my past, but now, as I looked at them, they just seemed so alive, so… real.
I didn’t notice the tears coming from my eyes. I sat there under the warm water and wraped my arms around my knees.
When suddenly the door opened.
“HOLY SHIT.” Jack screamed, giving me a heart attack, dropping his towels on the floor and almost killing himself by falling on the ground.
“WHAT THE FUCK JACK.” I screamed too, trying to hide myself under the water without flooding the whole bathroom.
“I-I’m sorry man… Rose told me to use your bathroom… I thought you would be sleeping already… not sleeping… but I didn’t think you would still be here…” He said, trying to get up covering his eyes with his hands. Jack was so nervous it made me laugh really hard.
“It’s… ok.” I was dying of laugher. “Now… CAN YOU JUST GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE.” I said, pretending to be nervous, not that I wasn’t nervous, it was just funny, or awkward.
“Y-yes… sorry…” He said, crawling out of the bathroom and closing the door without even getting up.
I was lying in bed when Jack came out of the bathroom, he had wet hair all over his face and was wearing a Foo Fighters t-shirt and shorts. My clothes. It made me laugh.
“What are you laughing at?” He pouted, trying to dry his hair with the towel.
“Why didn't you borrow Charlie’s clothes? It would be more comfortable to you, you know?” I was still chuckling.
“Do you have a hair dryer?” He asked, completely ignoring what I said. “My hair looks like shit when I go to sleep with it all wet.”
“Stop being so gay.” I said, laughing, making him sigh. “I mean, you’re going to sleep, who cares if you look good or not?” He turned around, facing the door.
“Good night Alex.” He said, clearly pretending he was irritated.
“Where are you going?” I asked. “Don’t pretend you’re mad at me.” I chuckled.
“I am going to sleep on the couch.” He said, opening the door. “I won’t stand being on the same room of someone who disrespects me.” He was now trying not to laugh.
“Ok then, so you’ll sleep here, I take the couch.” I said, getting up and walking towards the door.
“You won’t take the couch.” He said, serious.
“You can’t stop me.” I replied, serious.
“Yes, I can.” He said, and we kept staring at eachother.
After a couple of seconds of non-awkward silence we started laughing, I just returned to the bed and sat there again.
“Come here.” I said, still chuckling a bit. “There’s room for two.”
“I won’t sleep with you!” He laughed, pouting.
“Why not? Are you afraid of what I’m gonna do with you during the night?” I chucked. “I’m just a kid Jacky.” I smiled.
He sighed, slowly walking towards the bed and lying by my side, turning his back against me.
“Jacky… seriously?” He sighed again, laughing in a whisper.
“Yeah… good night Jacky.” I teased, laughing back.
“Stop this, I’ll never get used to it.” He said, chuckling. “Sleep tight kid.”
I smiled, and minutes later, fell asleep.
“He doesn’t know about your past, what do you think he’s gonna say when he finds out?”
Shut up.
“He’s going to be disgusted by you, just like everybody else. You ARE disgusting Alexander. Nobody likes you.”
Shut. Up.
“Who would like a boy with this disgusting scars? Do you think he will hug you and tell you everything is gonna be okay? You know it won’t be okay Alex, you’ll be forever useless, worthless, there’s no reason for anyone to like you."
SHUT UP.
“Oh… the kid is crying? Tell me what’s the point. You should just kill yourself before you ruin someones life.”
SHUT UP I FUCKING HATE YOU.
“Alex… ALEX WAKE UP.” Jack. “It’s ok kid, it’s only a dream, come here.”
“S-stay away f-from me J-Jack…” I whispered, tears all over my face. No… not these nightmares again.
“Shut up.” He said, wrapping his arms around me.
“N-no Jack… I’ll ruin y-your lif-fe…” I thought the nightmares were gone, but they weren’t.
He didn’t say anything, he just stayed there, with his skinny arms around me and his lips kissing my hair from time to time while I shivered and tried to scream. We were there. For minutes, maybe an hour, until I was calm enough to speak, but it was Jack who broke the silence.
“Are you okay?” He asked, lips still stroking the top of my head.
“Better…” I said, voice barely hearable.
“Wanna talk about this?” He said, carefuly.
“No…” I whispered, forcing not to cry again.
“If you want to say something… just know that I’m here… okay?” He said, and I nodded against his chest. “You can say whatever you want, I’ll just forget it by the morning, I promise.” He kissed my hair again.
“…thank you Jack.” I said, partially recovering my voice.
“No problem.” He whispered, I could feel his smile.
I didn’t say anything, and he kept in silence too, making me fall asleep moments later.
I didn’t notice the tears coming from my eyes. I sat there under the warm water and wraped my arms around my knees.
When suddenly the door opened.
“HOLY SHIT.” Jack screamed, giving me a heart attack, dropping his towels on the floor and almost killing himself by falling on the ground.
“WHAT THE FUCK JACK.” I screamed too, trying to hide myself under the water without flooding the whole bathroom.
“I-I’m sorry man… Rose told me to use your bathroom… I thought you would be sleeping already… not sleeping… but I didn’t think you would still be here…” He said, trying to get up covering his eyes with his hands. Jack was so nervous it made me laugh really hard.
“It’s… ok.” I was dying of laugher. “Now… CAN YOU JUST GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE.” I said, pretending to be nervous, not that I wasn’t nervous, it was just funny, or awkward.
“Y-yes… sorry…” He said, crawling out of the bathroom and closing the door without even getting up.
I was lying in bed when Jack came out of the bathroom, he had wet hair all over his face and was wearing a Foo Fighters t-shirt and shorts. My clothes. It made me laugh.
“What are you laughing at?” He pouted, trying to dry his hair with the towel.
“Why didn't you borrow Charlie’s clothes? It would be more comfortable to you, you know?” I was still chuckling.
“Do you have a hair dryer?” He asked, completely ignoring what I said. “My hair looks like shit when I go to sleep with it all wet.”
“Stop being so gay.” I said, laughing, making him sigh. “I mean, you’re going to sleep, who cares if you look good or not?” He turned around, facing the door.
“Good night Alex.” He said, clearly pretending he was irritated.
“Where are you going?” I asked. “Don’t pretend you’re mad at me.” I chuckled.
“I am going to sleep on the couch.” He said, opening the door. “I won’t stand being on the same room of someone who disrespects me.” He was now trying not to laugh.
“Ok then, so you’ll sleep here, I take the couch.” I said, getting up and walking towards the door.
“You won’t take the couch.” He said, serious.
“You can’t stop me.” I replied, serious.
“Yes, I can.” He said, and we kept staring at eachother.
After a couple of seconds of non-awkward silence we started laughing, I just returned to the bed and sat there again.
“Come here.” I said, still chuckling a bit. “There’s room for two.”
“I won’t sleep with you!” He laughed, pouting.
“Why not? Are you afraid of what I’m gonna do with you during the night?” I chucked. “I’m just a kid Jacky.” I smiled.
He sighed, slowly walking towards the bed and lying by my side, turning his back against me.
“Jacky… seriously?” He sighed again, laughing in a whisper.
“Yeah… good night Jacky.” I teased, laughing back.
“Stop this, I’ll never get used to it.” He said, chuckling. “Sleep tight kid.”
I smiled, and minutes later, fell asleep.
“He doesn’t know about your past, what do you think he’s gonna say when he finds out?”
Shut up.
“He’s going to be disgusted by you, just like everybody else. You ARE disgusting Alexander. Nobody likes you.”
Shut. Up.
“Who would like a boy with this disgusting scars? Do you think he will hug you and tell you everything is gonna be okay? You know it won’t be okay Alex, you’ll be forever useless, worthless, there’s no reason for anyone to like you."
SHUT UP.
“Oh… the kid is crying? Tell me what’s the point. You should just kill yourself before you ruin someones life.”
SHUT UP I FUCKING HATE YOU.
“Alex… ALEX WAKE UP.” Jack. “It’s ok kid, it’s only a dream, come here.”
“S-stay away f-from me J-Jack…” I whispered, tears all over my face. No… not these nightmares again.
“Shut up.” He said, wrapping his arms around me.
“N-no Jack… I’ll ruin y-your lif-fe…” I thought the nightmares were gone, but they weren’t.
He didn’t say anything, he just stayed there, with his skinny arms around me and his lips kissing my hair from time to time while I shivered and tried to scream. We were there. For minutes, maybe an hour, until I was calm enough to speak, but it was Jack who broke the silence.
“Are you okay?” He asked, lips still stroking the top of my head.
“Better…” I said, voice barely hearable.
“Wanna talk about this?” He said, carefuly.
“No…” I whispered, forcing not to cry again.
“If you want to say something… just know that I’m here… okay?” He said, and I nodded against his chest. “You can say whatever you want, I’ll just forget it by the morning, I promise.” He kissed my hair again.
“…thank you Jack.” I said, partially recovering my voice.
“No problem.” He whispered, I could feel his smile.
I didn’t say anything, and he kept in silence too, making me fall asleep moments later.
Update: I totally cried.
Again.
1/15/15