No such thing as simplicity.
5
“Hey, Sorry about that.” Sygird sighs sitting down on the bench outside the hospital, watching the streetlights turn on while Maddie runs out to get the car from the lot.
“Its fine.” I smile at my friend. The afternoon has been hectic, Sygird had to get his finger cauterized after practically cutting the tip off and hitting a bleeder.
“I was being kind of a dick earlier.” He looks over at me through the corner of his eye, leaning forward balancing his elbows on his knees to support his upper body.
“What makes you say that?” I raise my eyebrow looking over at him, trying to think on how he thinks like that.
“I don’t know, I just was being a ass before I almost cut my finger off.” Sygird leans back against the back of the bench. “Just what’s going to happen to you now? Now that you and Alex are buds?” His eyes are wide and desperate, an expression on his face I’ve never seen before.
“I don’t know.” I answer honestly. Unsure of how to comfort my friend I put my hand on his forearm. He pulls his arm away and with his unharmed hand he takes mine and holds it in his lap.
“Just don’t get up and leave.” His lips are pressed together, holding back a frown.
“I promise,” I smile back at him, “I swear, I will never leave you alone with these crazy people.” A small smile tugs on his lips as he squeezes my hand. Maddie’s car pulls up in front of us. Sygird gets up immediately and slides in the back seat, leaving the front for me.
I walk up and slide into Maddie’s car, she plays the radio quietly in the background, letting it fill the comfortable silence between all of us. Each one of us tired of the night and ready to sleep. Or maybe I’m just exhausted from the baby inside of me draining all my energy as he or she makes the final growth spurt preparing itself to come out of me.
The calmness of the grey sky and the blur of the streetlights above us makes me feel hopeful for the world, images of the child running through my mind. What will its name be?
Though I’ve thought about it, I haven’t chosen a name. I’d always think about naming it something like Jasey, or Stella and if it was a boy Alex, Jack or maybe even Mathew. In honor of how my life was when it was conceived.
I’d even thought about naming it something like Rose, after the ninth and tenth doctor’s companion or something like that. Just to give him or her something to think about and something to remind me of how I was growing up. Maybe, if when she were born it would just come to me. I would look at the infant in my arms and it would just come to my mind as a perfect fit.
Who would act as the child’s father? I know a baby needs to have more then one look on life provided by a partner. I know I won’t be able to take care of it on my own. Could Matt be that for me? Would he be able to support me and a child? I always wanted to live on tour, but I could never imagine living through the struggles of being the second half of somebody who was away on tour, especially somebody who would tour as much as All Time Low does.
I subdue a small laugh from escaping my lips, remembering how Jack would talk about how uneasy he would get not being on the road, and you could see how bored he was at home. His bachelor pad was entertaining for him, but I know it wasn’t enough to keep him at ease.
It blew my mind how he was able to live off of the high of tour then return to the calm of home. Though I did see him and some of the guys go out and seek thrill. Just to not whither off of withdrawal of adrenaline.
It would even worry me sometimes. That’s why Mitch Lucker died. His alcohol use and his need for adrenaline. Both of them are amazing men, and I saw how Mitch Luckers death affected fans, especially having been a fan of his. A lot of All Time Low fans look up to Jack.
He is their proof that you can stay youthful in life and be successful. He may have a job that’s more tolerant of immaturity but does that really mean that immaturity isn’t tolerated in any other field of work. Not at all.
The car pulls up outside of our home, Sygird and Maddie sliding out of the car, not saying a word. I follow them, matching their quietness as we part ways going up to our separate bedrooms. The warmth of my comforter welcomes me as it does every night.
It feels as if no time passes when it gets yanked off of me again. Sygird standing above my bed waking me up for class again.
“Come on,” He sighs, “Drive me to work today, I’ll get a ride home.” Sygird says while he pulls clothes out of my dresser for me like he does every morning.
“Who’s going to drive you?” I ask while catching the clothes he throws in my direction.
“A girl from work says that we’re right on her way home.” He shrugs and watches me dress myself, “But remember today you need to get homework from your professors for the two weeks you have off for the baby.” I nod at him, he excuses himself quickly walking out of the room to go downstairs and start making himself breakfast.
My whole day remains peacefully quiet, though I can’t get Alex out of my mind as well as the rest of All Time Low. Though I think about all of them often it’s never been as bad. I remain unsure of whether to text Alex or call him, thinking it might be too early. Considering waiting for him to text me first.
It reaches two days after his visit and I give in, resolving to message him first. Sitting at the kitchen table in the same spot I sat when I talked to him three days ago I pull my phone out of my bag and type in his contact.
To: Alex G
Hey
From: Alex G
Hey Hanna banana :P
I let out a sigh of relief as he returns my texts almost immediately.
To: Alex G
What are you going this weekend?
From: Alex G
Come over sat. Any time. I gtg see you then.
I get up from my seat, excited and nervous that I’ll be seeing him so soon. Tomorrow even. Though him and Jack live so close to each other, practically in the same apartment, as well as in the same building as Zack and Rian, though Ri may have already moved, I heard that him and Cassadee were going to move in together.
Though the worst feeling in my stomach is the fear of seeing Matt. The look on his face, seeing my huge stomach. The sense of betrayal I know he will feel the second he see’s me. The bubbling feeling of hate he would probably feel.
My fatal flaw would come out of me, the fact it hurts me so much to know someone hates me. I would be eaten up from the inside out trying to get him to not loathe me.
I could just not go, but then I would never get the closure I need.
“Its fine.” I smile at my friend. The afternoon has been hectic, Sygird had to get his finger cauterized after practically cutting the tip off and hitting a bleeder.
“I was being kind of a dick earlier.” He looks over at me through the corner of his eye, leaning forward balancing his elbows on his knees to support his upper body.
“What makes you say that?” I raise my eyebrow looking over at him, trying to think on how he thinks like that.
“I don’t know, I just was being a ass before I almost cut my finger off.” Sygird leans back against the back of the bench. “Just what’s going to happen to you now? Now that you and Alex are buds?” His eyes are wide and desperate, an expression on his face I’ve never seen before.
“I don’t know.” I answer honestly. Unsure of how to comfort my friend I put my hand on his forearm. He pulls his arm away and with his unharmed hand he takes mine and holds it in his lap.
“Just don’t get up and leave.” His lips are pressed together, holding back a frown.
“I promise,” I smile back at him, “I swear, I will never leave you alone with these crazy people.” A small smile tugs on his lips as he squeezes my hand. Maddie’s car pulls up in front of us. Sygird gets up immediately and slides in the back seat, leaving the front for me.
I walk up and slide into Maddie’s car, she plays the radio quietly in the background, letting it fill the comfortable silence between all of us. Each one of us tired of the night and ready to sleep. Or maybe I’m just exhausted from the baby inside of me draining all my energy as he or she makes the final growth spurt preparing itself to come out of me.
The calmness of the grey sky and the blur of the streetlights above us makes me feel hopeful for the world, images of the child running through my mind. What will its name be?
Though I’ve thought about it, I haven’t chosen a name. I’d always think about naming it something like Jasey, or Stella and if it was a boy Alex, Jack or maybe even Mathew. In honor of how my life was when it was conceived.
I’d even thought about naming it something like Rose, after the ninth and tenth doctor’s companion or something like that. Just to give him or her something to think about and something to remind me of how I was growing up. Maybe, if when she were born it would just come to me. I would look at the infant in my arms and it would just come to my mind as a perfect fit.
Who would act as the child’s father? I know a baby needs to have more then one look on life provided by a partner. I know I won’t be able to take care of it on my own. Could Matt be that for me? Would he be able to support me and a child? I always wanted to live on tour, but I could never imagine living through the struggles of being the second half of somebody who was away on tour, especially somebody who would tour as much as All Time Low does.
I subdue a small laugh from escaping my lips, remembering how Jack would talk about how uneasy he would get not being on the road, and you could see how bored he was at home. His bachelor pad was entertaining for him, but I know it wasn’t enough to keep him at ease.
It blew my mind how he was able to live off of the high of tour then return to the calm of home. Though I did see him and some of the guys go out and seek thrill. Just to not whither off of withdrawal of adrenaline.
It would even worry me sometimes. That’s why Mitch Lucker died. His alcohol use and his need for adrenaline. Both of them are amazing men, and I saw how Mitch Luckers death affected fans, especially having been a fan of his. A lot of All Time Low fans look up to Jack.
He is their proof that you can stay youthful in life and be successful. He may have a job that’s more tolerant of immaturity but does that really mean that immaturity isn’t tolerated in any other field of work. Not at all.
The car pulls up outside of our home, Sygird and Maddie sliding out of the car, not saying a word. I follow them, matching their quietness as we part ways going up to our separate bedrooms. The warmth of my comforter welcomes me as it does every night.
It feels as if no time passes when it gets yanked off of me again. Sygird standing above my bed waking me up for class again.
“Come on,” He sighs, “Drive me to work today, I’ll get a ride home.” Sygird says while he pulls clothes out of my dresser for me like he does every morning.
“Who’s going to drive you?” I ask while catching the clothes he throws in my direction.
“A girl from work says that we’re right on her way home.” He shrugs and watches me dress myself, “But remember today you need to get homework from your professors for the two weeks you have off for the baby.” I nod at him, he excuses himself quickly walking out of the room to go downstairs and start making himself breakfast.
My whole day remains peacefully quiet, though I can’t get Alex out of my mind as well as the rest of All Time Low. Though I think about all of them often it’s never been as bad. I remain unsure of whether to text Alex or call him, thinking it might be too early. Considering waiting for him to text me first.
It reaches two days after his visit and I give in, resolving to message him first. Sitting at the kitchen table in the same spot I sat when I talked to him three days ago I pull my phone out of my bag and type in his contact.
To: Alex G
Hey
From: Alex G
Hey Hanna banana :P
I let out a sigh of relief as he returns my texts almost immediately.
To: Alex G
What are you going this weekend?
From: Alex G
Come over sat. Any time. I gtg see you then.
I get up from my seat, excited and nervous that I’ll be seeing him so soon. Tomorrow even. Though him and Jack live so close to each other, practically in the same apartment, as well as in the same building as Zack and Rian, though Ri may have already moved, I heard that him and Cassadee were going to move in together.
Though the worst feeling in my stomach is the fear of seeing Matt. The look on his face, seeing my huge stomach. The sense of betrayal I know he will feel the second he see’s me. The bubbling feeling of hate he would probably feel.
My fatal flaw would come out of me, the fact it hurts me so much to know someone hates me. I would be eaten up from the inside out trying to get him to not loathe me.
I could just not go, but then I would never get the closure I need.
Notes
Hey you delicious faced people. You are looking sexier then usual today.NOW COMMENT
People aren't updating a lot and I need notifications.... or I'll die.
Also I need opinions because I'm going to sadies with my friends this week and apparantly if you don't have a date they're going to put you in a 'jail' and you're going to have to pay a quarter to get out or have your date come and get you out.
I HAVE TO GO SOLO BECAUSE MY BOYFRIEND FUCKING GOES TO A DIFFERENT SCHOOL AND HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO FUCKING GO!!!
Please. Thoughts?
I love it
1/17/14