Stay With Me

Alan was having a serious talk with me. All about how he loves going on tour but no woman is ever going to stick around for him, despite the fact I know he cheated on his last girlfriend. He's also talking about how a woman would have to be stupid to have kids with a guy in a touring band. Well thanks Al'.

But as he starts telling me about the last woman he slept with and how he almost fell out of his bunk half way through I feel like I'm going to throw up. I put a hand over my mouth and Alan looks concerned. I hurry inside and to the bathroom. As I'm being sick Alan holds my hair and closes his eyes. When I'm finished I wipe my mouth and sit up. He helps me up and watches me carefully. Only now do I realise that he's still holding a bottle of beer. "Are you okay?" he asked seriously.

"I'm fine," I shrugged. Whoever said sickness happens in the morning should be shot.

"Are you sure?"

"I've been mixing drinks. You know that always makes me sick," I laughed hysterically. He's not sober enough to notice I haven't been drinking. I think he was high earlier, and that always makes him forgetful.

"You look like shit," he stated.

"Really?" I questioned.

"Yeah," I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. I was really pale and my black brown hair made it worse. My eyes were tired and to sum it up I looked like those corpses before they come back as a vampire and get some life back. "Have you taken anything?" Alan asked.

"No,"

"You sure? Because if you have it could take a day to two to wear off, depending what it was,"

"I haven't," I replied firmly.

"Was it acid?"

"Alan I haven't fucking taken anything," I snapped.

"Okay," he nodded. "You look like you have,"

"I've just been drinking the wrong things tonight," I explained.

"You should know these things by now," he commented and took me back outside. Alan went to get another drink and I stood alone at the edge of the garden. Only one thing could make me feel worse. Jack was walking towards me and stopped in front of me. I had no where to go. He'd trapped me.

"Hi Zandra," he nodded.

"Jack," I replied and nodded. "Sorry, I need to go. My parents have just arrived," I said. He looked around and saw a man and woman making their way to Katelynne. I watched them glare at each other before they took their turn to talk to Katelynne individually. They didn't once involve the other in the conversation.
"You can't just walk away. You can't avoid me," Jack said quietly. I looked at him and laughed.
"It's not a case of me avoiding you, Jack. It's more you being stuck on a bus touring. I don't need to avoid you,"

"I just wanted to say-"

"Excuse me," I interrupted. I was trying to get past him. He sighed deeply and moved. I walked quickly away, hoping to find someone Jack didn't like that I could spend the rest of the evening with. But I bumped into someone. It was my mother.

"Darling! I've been looking for you," she exclaimed.

"I've been here, Mom," I told her.

"Why do you look ill? Have you been eating?"

"Of course," I laughed.

"I read an article the other day about models. They're starving themselves to get jobs. Anorexia. That's the last thing I want for you. And then it talked about drugs," Mom rushed.

"I'm not on drugs. My stomach just feels a little funny," Then in that moment I was sure she knew. She looked at me accusingly and then widened her eyes. She looked alarmed, even scared.

"We need to talk," she said. "Get your father," I sighed and found him. He was talking to Kellin about his girlfriend. I'm sure he just likes to big himself up. I interrupted and he smiled. He hugged me and smiled.

"Hello Sweetheart," Dad grinned.

"Um . . . Hello. I need to talk to you," I told him. Kellin looked puzzled but Dad followed me. We got inside in the upstairs guest room and found Mom sat on the bed.

"What's going on?" Dad asked urgently.

"There's something we need to discuss," Mom told us. I sat in the armchair and Dad sat on the bed next to Mom. I waited and started to wring my hands together. I looked up and saw them watching me.
"So?" I urged.

"I know, Zandra," she said seriously.

"Know what?" Dad asked.

"She has problems,"

"I don't," I countered.

"Kate said you haven't been drinking or eating as much," Mom said.

"She mentioned that to me too," Dad added.

"My stomach just feels upset," I tried.

"Of course it does. When you told me that I knew. It makes sense, all those calories in alcohol,"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Dad begged.

"Please, I don't have an eating disorder!" I laughed shrilly.

"Then what?!" Mom demanded.

"Unless..." Dad muttered.

"I'm not on drugs either!" I shouted loudly.

"What's wrong?" Dad asked, calmer.

"I'm p-pregnant. Okay!" I screamed. They both widened their eyes and sat back in shock. I started to cry and wiped my eyes viciously. They watched me and I waited for them to respond.

"You're not seeing anyone," Mom stated, and I shook my head.

"Then how?" Dad muttered.

"It was a one time thing. I never meant for it to happen," I explained.

"Who's is it?"

"Jack Barakat," I said, barely above a whisper.

"One of Kellin's band friends?" Dad asked, his voice low and dangerous.

"Yes," I breathed.

"How could you be so stupid?!" Dad suddenly exclaimed loudly.

"I'm sorry," I gaped.

"Isn't it too late? Instead of being sorry you should have used something!" he yelled.

"Please," Mom tried.

"We were drunk,"

"You were drunk," he echoed. "Christ, learn some responsibility Zandra!" At this I stood up angrily. I put my hand on my hip and glared. He stood up too. How dare he!

"You can't lecture me about responsibility! Either of you! You spend your time living separate lives, never touching. Responsibility is accepting things. If you took some you would accept that your marriage is over," I rushed angrily.

"Zandra!" Mom gasped.

"I'm taking responsibility, despite the fact I know what this will do to my life," I finally said.

"I can't do this," Dad muttered. He got up and left the room. I watched him go and then turned to my mother. She looked at mr sadly and hugged me. She stroked my hair and I cried. But she pulled away.

"I need to talk to your father," she told me. Then she left too. I fell to the floor and sobbed. I didn't hear the door open. I just felt arms around me. I wanted my parents telling me they accepted it and everything will be okay. But instead it was Katelynne.

"Shh . . ." she soothed.

"I . . . I . . ." I stuttered.

"You're pregnant. I know," she told me. I stilled and she stroked my hair. She held me and whispered words in my ear to calm me. "It's Jack's. Isn't it?" Katelynne asked.

"Yeah," I gasped.

"Oh, Zandra. I'm here, I'll always be here," she told me softly.

Notes

Hey! Sorry for not updating. My book has come out! If you want more info read the paragraph below. But what did you think? Did you like it? And Zee? What will she do? Did you have a favourite line? xoxo

I have been working on a book for some time now. It's called the Keep Kind Book and is full of pages of profiles and artwork and poetry from all kinds of inspiring people. Some people I have involved are Zara Khalique, Brittany Mullins and Welly Llewellyn, but there's many more! It's all about positivity, self love and good vibes, all 133 pages of it. It's only £8 too! Pre orders are now available and all copies will be shipped out in March when pre order closes. You can get a copy here. All orders come with a ton of extra goodies including a sticker designed by Sugarbones who brought out a Fight Like A Girl artwork series which I love. There's so many exciting things happening. So please check it out xoxo