I hear the car pull up in the drive and look at my Mom who is laughing at my infantile behavior.

“I told you she'd be fine,” I beam, going to the door “She'll be back to her usual self in no time.”

I open my arms as I see my best friend getting out of the car, expecting her to run over and hang on to me tighter than she ever has before.

I look into her eyes, the usual spark not in them. As I stand and think about what I say to her, I feel my body being pushed out of the way and Anna's small frame rushing upstairs into the spare room.

I stand in awe. Anna and I haven't spent a night alone- other than her once a week visits to her Mom- for a few years now. The spare room is always ready for visitors, but it hasn't been used in a while. Anna always sleeps in my bed with me.

“What's wrong with Anna?” I ask, frowning deeply as my parents go around doing little tasks.

“Well I don't know Alex, maybe she's angry because your fight led to her being raped?” My dad snaps at me slightly.

“Peter,” Mom scolds, slapping his arm “You just.. You can't expect things to be normal. They're not. You act like a gentleman and do what you can to make her feel comfortable, okay Alexander?”

I look nervously at both of my parents, knowing this is my fault and that they're very much aware of the fact. My Mom looks back at me sadly.

“I guess...” I shrug, upset to have lost my best friend.

No, in fact I haven't lost her. Losing her might have been easier. I still have her, but she's not my usual Anna. She's pale, withdrawn, depressed- everything that Anna never was. I look up at my parents again, knowing they note the absence of Anna's natural 'buzz' in our house.

“I think you should go and try to talk to her,” Mom suggests, handing me a small plate of food which contains no more than a toddler-sized portion of food. “Go and try to make her eat her pasta too.”

I bite my lip nervously as I start to walk upstairs, hearing Mom and Dad mumbling to each other. I shrug it off and knock the bedroom door.

“Come in,” the weak, but familiar, voice chirps.

I walk in, closing my eyes and inhaling the scent of her vanilla perfume and returning to that child-like state for just a few seconds, holding my stomach which is fluttering like crazy.

“Mom told me to get you to eat your food,” I laugh, seeing Anna's eyes roll.

“She needs to stop worrying, I'm fine,” she laughs weakly, her eyes on the food, not me.

“You're not fine,” I say, handing her the food- studying her as she finally nibbles on some of it.

“Well, no. I'm not,” she shrugs “I'm just sick of being babied. I want to just be left alone and not have people bugging me.”

“You mean me?” I ask, never understanding her cryptic clues.

“Yes, you,” she snaps,getting edgy.

I stand, not wanting to cause her any more problems. I back slowly towards the door, seeing that sudden movements make her jumpy.

“Well you live in a place where people love you. Of course we're going to want to help,” I smile, catching her gaze as she looks up to see how close I am.

“Well I don't need your stupid help, Alex. The only way anyone can help is to turn back time. Can you do that?” She asks, looking at me in the worst way possible. Not feeling rage or sadness, just emptiness.

“N-no,” I whimper, her vulnerability making me uncomfortable.

“Then can you go? All I want to do is sleep, I feel sick and I'm sleepy,” she sighs, turning away onto her side, clearly finished with the conversation.

I manage to stop myself looking like a kicked puppy and walk back downstairs, seeing my parents still discussing something.

“Can I ask what you're talking about?” I laugh, feeling more at ease knowing Anna is safe and has eaten.

“No,” Dad laughs “has Anna eaten?”

I nod and walk past, dragging my heels as I sit at the breakfast bar, spinning my stool to face them both, knowing they look like they want a conversation.

“Yes,” I assure “she ate the whole lot.”

“Poor girl, she's probably starving. Hospital food is awful,” Mom shakes her head, having always been protective of her kids. That's what Anna is to her, I guess. Her kid. The daughter she never had.

“Isobel, I hardly doubt that was the issue. She only woke up a few hours ago. She's been unconscious for a couple of days,” Dad laughs, rolling his eyes.

“Well she seemed to enjoy it either way,” I sigh, giving up and turning to the breakfast bar again, leaning my head on it in emotional exhaustion.

“We were just talking about what to do with regards to Anna going to school and how we treat her,” mom explains, being open about the fact.

“I went in there and she wouldn't let me near her. There's no way she'll be able to deal with school,” I say, honestly. “It's frustrating because she has so much potential.”

Mom approaches, stroking the back of my neck to soothe me, like she did when I was younger.

“She was violated, and that's a huge thing, Alex. Be kind and gentle, like I know you are. I know it hurts, I know it's frustrating, but it'll be worth it,” Mom whispers in my ear.

“Will it?” I sigh, genuinely feeling like I've lost 'my' Anna.

“Alex, let me tell you something. I bought you into this world, I've loved you unconditionally, kept you safe, looked after everything you needed doing... Have I ever been thanked? No. But I don't need to be, I know you're thankful. Anna will be too, she won't show it, but she appreciates it.”

I smile weakly up at my mother, kissing her cheek- appreciating her for several seconds before pulling away with perspective on the whole situation.

“So what do you want us to do?” Dad asks, knowing I know Anna best.

“Well, she's stubborn. So take things at her pace. Hint for her to go back to school, be patient and just don't push her,” I shrug, lifting my head and turning back to look at my worried parents.

“What was that?” Mom asks, looking pale as there's a thud from above.

“Shit, Anna,” I panic, not even thinking about the consequences just rushing straight upstairs.

I push the door open, seeing her on the floor, hitting out, although her eyes are still tightly shut. Anna always used to have night terrors after visiting her Mom; I guess I just put it down to the stress. Although she's trying to be strong it's killing her even more so than it's killing me.

I sigh and kneel down, holding her body, stopping it from thrashing out. I lift her tiny body onto the bed, laying her on her back, putting her hands down flat as her eyes clench shut. I lift the duvet, about to get in beside her, so used to doing it every night. I stop myself and whimper sadly, looking at her forehead which has small cuts and beads of sweat dripping into them.

“God dammit, Anna. Why did we even have a fight?” I ask her, stroking through her black hair which is unwashed and greasy.

Even if I did want a reply, it wouldn't be fair to wake her. One of the nurses told me she hasn't been sleeping much.

I stand up and walk out, leaving the door open- knowing she's terrified of the dark.

I go to my own room and lay down after tripping over various items. I climb into the messy bed and stick to my side- the one nearest the door. It's little things like this that I notice. How she would always pick up after me and make my bed. But I miss waking up in the middle of the night and seeing Anna staring out of the window, turned to her side with a context and sleepy smile on her face and insisting I cuddle her all through the winter.

Part of me wants to go in there and tell her to snap out of it, but I know that if I do that I'm at risk of never getting things back to normal. I guess it's hard for me to imagine what she went through. I try not to think about it, even though the doctor's words ring in my ears.

I close my eyes, letting my tense muscles relax.

Notes

Sorry it's a little late, guys!
But thank you for the comments.
Writing of this is going a little slow, but I'll try my hardest to update at the weekend :)

All Time Lily
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