I wake up smelling Alex- an overwhelming smell of musky aftershave making my aching head pound harder.

“Get off,” I grunt, shoving Alex with my weak arms.

Every inch of my body aches and just adds to my misery.

“W-what?” A confused looking Alex asks as he pulls away, getting off the bed.

“I said get off,” I mumble, unable to look at him for long.

“Okay..” he shrugs, sounding hurt as he goes through his backpack “Mom made us both breakfast.”

“Not hungry,” I sigh, not saying it just to be awkward, rather the thought of it just turning my stomach.

“Well you have to eat sometime,” he laughs, going to reach for my hand, a big soppy smile on his face.

I sigh, snatching my hand away. His touch proving too much for me to cope with. I don't remember much, I don't remember the person who did it, I don't remember being found, but I guess I was, considering I'm sat in a bright white room attached to tubes. All I really remember is the pain. The pain between my legs and his strong 'manly' smell that's too similar to how Alex smells for me to be okay with him.

“Look, Alex. Leave me alone. I don't want to fucking eat, I don't want you to touch me, I don't want you here. You left me,” I snap, genuinely hurt from his abandonment.

“No, Anna, you don't understand. I-”

“No, Alex. I understand totally. I have scars that show my understanding. I don't have my fucking virginity because of you,” I whimper, close to tears as I cup my flat belly- the pain still there. “You know what, I don't even want to see your face. Can you just leave, please?”

“Anna-” Alex starts, but I cut him off.

“Go!” I demand, turning to my other side slowly, the crippling pain leaving me in agony. My emotional pain and the tears falling down my cheek temporarily distracting from it.

I hear the seat next tome squeak and the door open, followed by it closing and heavy footsteps walking away.

I sit up slowly, holding my ribs to brace myself. I look around as my eyes focus fully on my surroundings.

I don't belong here. I've never been in hospital a day in my life. I feel my breathing getting shallow and my heart pounding as I see I'm totally alone with only a clean set of clothes folded neatly at the foot of my bed with a note on top from Peter.

I lean forward, unhooking my monitors, blanking out the loud beeping coming from them as I take in the short note.

Call us when you're ready, Wendy. We hope to have you back in Neverland soon. Much love Peterpan and Isobel xxx

I smile to myself,wincing as my happy tears fall into my small,but deep, facial cuts. How can two people be so perfect and lovely to me? I wouldn't be able to love my own child as much as they love me.

I sniffle and stand slowly, my knees buckling as I fall to the floor. I bite my lip as I attempt to stand up, my knees wobbling as they get used to baring my weight again.

“Miss. Brown, what on earth are you doing?” The nurse asks, coming in and gently guiding me to the bed.

“Am I meant to know who you are?” I snap,disorientated from the whole experience of waking up in an unusual place, with nothing but the memories of events I'd much rather forget.

“Miss. Brown I know it's hard and you're probably very confused but where are you going?” The nurse asks softly, her tone calming and gentle- making my tense muscles relax back into the bed.

“I-I don't know. I'm probably going home. I'm not sure. I just need to go okay?” I sniffle, wiping my eyes, still feeling like need to be strong.

“Well, honey, you're in no fit state to be going anywhere. I can call your family and get them to come in,” she soothes.

“Yes,” I nod, faking a weak smile. “Can I speak to my dad?”

“Of course,” she smiles, assuming she's calmed me down.

The nurse walks out, the clicking of her shoes getting further away. I roll my eyes and grab my mobile, slipping on my jeans and Alex's hoodie that he left. I dial the second person on my speed dial- Peter and sit at the edge of my bed.

“Peter,” I gasp thankfully as the ringing stops and I hear a familiar 'hello' “I-I'm awake. Obviously. I can't take it here. The monitors. The nurses pretending everything is okay...”

“Slow down, Anna,” he laughs softly “You don't need to say any more. I'll be there in a few minutes. Request discharge forms and hold in there.”

“Thank you, Peter,” I mumble, hanging up.

I stand up nervously, looking around the whole time. Nothing feels the same. My mind which is usually filled with thoughts of Alex and what he's doing and if he's thinking of me is now filled with fear and worry.

The nurse returns with a phone and a plate of toast, handing them both to me. I place both down, looking at the older, grey haired woman apologetically.

“What's the matter?” She frowns, making me shift uncomfortably on the bed.

“I- I would like my discharge forms,” I sigh, looking at my feet, my confidence shattered to the point where eye contact is now a struggle.

“I really don't think you should,” the older lady tells me firmly, pulling them out from the chart at the foot of my bed anyway.

“I need to,” I mumble under my breath, signing the sheet as it's handed to me- not even giving it a second thought.

The nurse walks out of the room, shaking her head as she returns to the nurses station across the hall from my room. I stand, my knees holding my weight with ease now. I take a step forward, my stomach tightening with anxiety as I think of going home and having to face people who know what happened to me. A girl's first time is meant to be special, I had it all planned out in my head...

“Hello, Wendy,” Peter smiles softly, offering his gentle arms out to me.

“Sorry,” I sigh, not stepping into the hug- unable to face physical contact.

“Oh gosh, I forget. Don't feel bad, honey, it's my fault entirely,” he apologizes, picking up a few 'get well soon' cards on my bedside table. “Forget that happened. How are you?”

“I guess I'm okay,” I shrug, not feeling much like talking.

“Any pain?” Peter asks, persisting with his questioning.

“A little,” I shrug “Just general aches and period pains in my tummy.”

“Well we're looking forward to having you home. Alex has been beside himself these last few days without his best friend there. We made you pasta too, your favorite,” Peter smiles, being lovely as always.

I smile back weakly, not wanting to tell him that the thought of seeing my own 'family' repulses me, and that the thought of even stepping out of this room is enough to almost bring me to tears.

Peter walks out, carrying all my things- mumbling something about how Isobel has been annoying him. I nod to his story automatically, my genuine attention paid to my racing thoughts as we walk down the halls and I feel everyone's eyes on me.

“S-stop,” I snap at someone who is sat in the waiting room, waiting to be seen.

The elderly lady looks at me startled, as does everyone else.

“Come on sweet heart, I think it's best we get you home,” Peter says, quickly rushing me out of the building and into the cold air.

“N-no,” I stutter, my nerves messing with my speech “didn't you see her staring at me? Why didn't you stand up for me Peterpan?”

“She was reading a magazine, honey...” Peter explains, looking concerned as he opens the car door, letting me in.

I sit in the front, shaking uncontrollably as he gets in the drivers seat. I look at him, staying silent- maybe I was wrong....

As we drive the fairly short journey back home I look at the trees which now don't carry their beautiful golden leaves, but rather only bare branches and twigs. Autumn has always been my favorite season and to see it gone, and with the knowledge winter is on the way, I can't help but feel my mood drop even further. Peter must sense my sadness, because he turns on the radio.

“I know you'll be upset it's not Autumn, but it's November now- that means it's nearly Christmas!” Peter laughs, trying to lighten the tense atmosphere.

“I guess you'd best start with buying my gifts, hm?” I smiles weakly, too upset and anxious to whole-heartedly joke and laugh with him.

I sigh with relief as we arrive at the house, having hope that I'll feel less anxious once I'm comfortable and settled. I get out slowly, seeing the front door fly open and a beaming Alex facing me, his arms open for a cuddle, much like his own father had done moments before. With Peter it just wasn't the right time, but now that I'm faced with Alex it's more than that. All I can think of is our fight, the pain it caused me and the events that followed it. I choke back tears and shove past him, whimpering as I rush straight to the spare bedroom.

Notes

Another update at promised.
I won't update until Wednesay, which is when my exam is. Wish me luck and send me all your Psychological knowlege!

Enjoy

All Time Lily
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