I look down at Alex's hand which is holding onto the loose cuff of my... well... his, hoodie.

“Thank you,” I mumble, looking down as we sit behind the principles car, hiding out from everyone else.

“For what? I was a total dick this morning,” Alex sighs, looking genuinely gutted as he drops my sleeve “I don't deserve your thanks.”

“For making me realize staying at home with your parents won't help me. I'm terrified to be here, but it feels kind of liberating. It's a big fuck you to the guy that... well....” I choke, the word 'raped' not able to spill from my lips.

“We don't need to talk about that, Anna,” Alex assures, reaching over to cup my hands in his.

I panic and pull away, inching away a little, making the space between us more comfortable.

“I'm sorry, I can't do that. I can't be touched or loved right now. It's hard enough to look you in the eyes, Lex,” I sigh, looking away.

“It's cool, I'm sorry. Too far,” Alex smiles weakly “You don't have to look into my eyes any way. They're like big pools of mud. No one likes mud.”

“I like mud, I like you, I love your eyes...” I rant, surprising myself a little. “Look. I came here for a reason. More than just to prove a point to myself, Alex.”

“Want to talk about it?” He suggests.

“Want to? No. Need to? Yes,” I sigh heavily.

“Well to make this a little more comfortable I'll turn around and you can talk to the back of my head,” he laughs, turning so his back is facing me.

I smile weakly at how much effort he's making.

“Since when did you become so nice?” I tease, trying to act my normal, confident self again- failing miserably as my trembling hands fall to my belly.

“Hey, I've always been nice; just not to you,” he whines.

I chew my lip anxiously as I watch him playing with his hair, knowing he can't see me admiring him. There are so many bad people in this world and Alex isn't one of them. He's one of the most well-meaning, kind-hearted guys out there; it's me that's the problem.

“I-I don't even know how to talk about it...” I stumble, pausing for several seconds before finding a way to approach it without him running a mile “You know we always agreed to get married if we weren't already when we were 30?”

“Mhm..” He mumbles, clearly in deep thought.

“Well, we used to talk about having kids and stuff, and how you'd hate them and how I'd be a lame Mom and we'd just have to ship them off to boarding school or something so they grow up normally...”

“I don't see where this is going, Anna,” Alex laughs, looking up at the sky- watching his cold clouds of breath wonder away.

“I'm scared, Lex. I'm terrified. I'm paranoid I'm pregnant, and it makes me feel sick and disgusting and gross,” I suddenly admit, clenching my eyes closed, expecting a bad reaction.

I feel Alex's position change as he puts his arms around me, making me even more awkward.

“What are you doing?” I ask, not swatting him straight away- content in the knowledge it's Alex. My best friend, Alex.

“Giving you something you need a hell of a lot,” Alex mumbles into my shoulder.

“Hugs won't fix this, Lex..” I sigh, hugging back gently and cautiously.

“I know it won't but I can try...” He laughs softly, pulling away and looking down at me “You don't need to be scared about this. I'll sort it out, okay? You're my Anna. If you are pregnant I'll look after you and our baby.”

“Our baby?” I scoff “No, Alex. You're forgetting, I was raped. This is a rape kid.”

“It's not the baby's fault. Every kid deserves a Daddy, and I could be that,” he shrugs, looking me up and down.

“Don't be ridiculous,” I snap, getting more and more angry as I think about a baby coming out and being the spitting image of its biological father.

“What makes you think you are?” Alex asks, changing the subject to defuse my anger “Minus the fact you're moody.”

“Nothing. I just feel it in my heart. I'm not throwing up, I'm not peeing more, I'm not sleepy. I'm probably not, but I'd rather be safe than sorry,” I explain, watching Alex as he stands up.

“I'm going to book us an appointment at the hospital to get you checked over, we can take the day off school,” Alex says calmly, using his phone to find the number to book an appointment at the family planning clinic.

“What happened to you never wanting kids?” I ask, frowning slightly.

“I never said I didn't want them. I just said I'd be a lame parent. But I could learn if I had to. We both could,” he assures, kissing my cheek and walking away to make the call.

I stand up, my hand falling onto my flat belly out of pure habit. There's no point starting to explain to Alex about how there is no way I could keep this baby, or how my feelings for him haven't just come back over night; he's far too excited about the whole situation. I just enjoy seeing him with that spark back. That spark of passion that has been missing for so long.

“Tomorrow at 10am,” Alex grins as he returns.

I fake a smile back, secretly dreading it.

Notes

I've updated 2 days in a row now! I'm on a roll.
Enjoy :)

-All Time Lily