We were having one of our infamous bus parties. The entire band and crew were scattered around the area, booze in their hands, swaying to the music that pumped out of the speakers. Well, everyone but Vinny. He was running around throwing his arms over everyone's shoulders, confessing his love for everything. Currently he had Ember in his grasp, and I was catching small bits about how hard it is to tell merch, or something.


I, personally, was leaning against the wall sipping on my drink. For some reason, I wasn't in the mood to be social, but I didn't need anyone here figuring that out. Alex and Rian had already been breathing down my back about the bar incident and Zack was more or less concered about my relationship with Ember. Honestly, it was starting to piss me off. I get that I brought Ember into this scene and everyone loves her likes she's family, but in no way should she be more importanat than me. I'm actually part of this band, a big part, might I add. My friends should be concerned about me. I was getting sick of Ember being the center of everything around here.


When my cup was empty, I made my way towards the bathroom, mostly just so I could catch a break from all the drunks. I was rinsing my face when my phone started to vibrate against my leg, making me jump. Frustrated, I let out a sigh and dried off my hands, digging around my tight jeans for my phone. The number that flashed on the screen was one I didn't recognize, but I was a few drinks in so I answered it, anyway.


"Hello?"


"Hey, Jack. Remember me?"


"I'm sorry?"


"It's Bri, silly! You were going to save me in your phone as Brandon. Listen, I have something really exciting to tell you!"


"I, uh, can't talk right now." I mumbled, hearing footsteps outside of the door. My palms were getting sweaty and I couldn't for the life of me remember why I would give this chick my number. It was then that I decided I'd have to get a new one.


"Is the girl around?" Bri giggled, making my stomach turn. "So, I went on this little fan site that you have, or whatever. Guess who won a meet and greet? The next show you play, I'll be there."


"How is that even possible? We're nowhere near where you live."


"I have family all over the place and the weekend off. See you soon, babes!"


A sigh fell from my lips as I backed against the wall. My mind still couldn't remember what had happened with this girl, but I was deeply praying I only vented her ear off. I just had to make sure Matt was working our next meet and greet. Ember would definitely notice something was up. Still, there was a party going on right now and it sounded like there were a bunch of people outside of the door. Sucking it up, I shoved my phone back in my pocket and shuffled out of the door. Ember and Vinny were standing right there, which made my heart skip a beat.


"Everything okay?" Ember asked, shaking Vinny's arm off of her shoulder. "You were in there for a while."


"I'm fine."


"Jack, if something is up you can talk to me. I'm sick of feeling distant from you."


"I said I'm fine."


My feet carried me back to the party, where my hands instantly found the booze to fill my cup back up. I didn't like this, at all. I didn't like keeping secrets from my girlfriend and I damn sure didn't like the irritation swelling in my gut. Reminding myself that it was just my meds leaving my body wasn't working anymore. At least, before I went on drugs, these mood swings came in short spats. Now, it seemed constantly. I was constantly mad or upset. The only time I really felt free from myself was when I was on stage, and even that upset me when the show came to an end.


Nothing was making sense in my head. My emotions were all balled up into one, giant fuck you. My friends and my girlfriend didn't deserve that. But I know I'll get better. I have to get better.


"Jack!" Alex wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pushed a shot glass into my free hand. "Let us drink to our success!"


I tossed the shot back, but felt nothing but annoyed with my best friend. It wasn't his fault, he was just a happy drinker. Besides, I'm usually right beside him, making a drunk fool of myself. Maybe I made a mistake. Maybe I shouldn't have dumped my pills.


But it's too fucking late for that now.


When Alex removed his arm from my shoulders, I slumped back towards my bunk and let my body fall against the mattress. I knew sleep wouldn't come easy with all of the noise, but it was better than wanting to tear my hair out from all the conversation.


"Why, may I ask, are you going to bed so early?"


"I just don't feel like dealing with people tonight," I mumbled, rolling over on my side. Usually, I wanted Ember right beside me, but tonight just the sound of her voice made me growl.


"Are you sure you're okay?"


"Yes. Ember, I am fine. Now will you please just leave me the fuck alone?"


"Fine then. You don't have to be such a dick, Jack."


She was only worried about me and I knew that, but I didn't want the attention. I just wanted to be alone.. Away from everyone, in a place where no one can bother me. Sleep was the only way I could find my peace.

Notes

Jack is turning into a cranky SOB.