“I've missed you.”

“I've missed you too.” I smiled slightly, before sighing. “I should probably tell you what's been going on, huh?”
“If you want to.” He offered. I almost asked to just save it till tomorrow, but I knew this needed to be done.
“Just...one thing.” I said, and he looked at me questioningly.

I just reached for his shoulders and connected my lips to his. It was supposed to be a quick, small kiss but it turned into so much more then that. I managed to get myself into Jack's lap, hands tangled into his hair while his were just under my shirt, rubbing circles into my back. Jack bit down on my bottom lip, and I opened my mouth immediately to him, letting his tongue wrestle against mine. It wasn't till he rolled us over and onto the bunk, trapping me under him did I pull away and push his shoulder slightly.

“W-wait...” I stuttered out. “I still need to tell you what went on.”
“It could wait,” He mentioned, kissing me again. “You know how hard it's going to be to get alone time after this.”
“I do, but this can't wait.” I said, and pushed him to sit up. “I have to grab something from my jacket first.”

Jack let me get up, and I grabbed the note, trying to smooth it out a little before sitting back down. I took a moment to make sure I did this right, without any problems. When Jack wrapped an arm around me, and pecked my cheek, saying something about how it was okay, I spoke up.

“So uhh, when I went home I was kind of...really, really mad.” I started. “It lasted forever and I'm not even sure what I was so mad about when it hit me. I was being ridiculous and couldn't even keep my thoughts straight so I called my therapist for an extra appointment. I talked to her for a long while, about everything I was thinking and what happened when I came here.” I paused for a couple more moment, trying to not freak out when I told him this. “and she... she made me see another doctor. I'm taking medication now since my anxiety has taken more of a paranoia turn.”

“You see, I kind of... the problem was I always played out situations in my head instead of actually trying to make that decision. I instantly thought you wouldn't be happy if I straight up said I wanted space so I lied about it and tried to make it your fault that it didn't work.” I shuffled on the bed. “When I realized how much I fucked up, I just was so...so depressed. My medication wasn't going to kick in for a week or so and I just spent so many days wondering rather or not you would be better off without me. I must have tried to call you to break up or something a hundred times before I got out of that state of mind.”

As I told him all this, Jack moved his other arm around me pulling me back into his lap. As hard as it is for me to tell him this, I can't imagine what it's like hearing it.

“I still feel horrible, and I'm so sorry.” I looked down, just feeling guilty. “I was such a bitch and I treated our friends the same way, it's wonder that you all don't hate me. When I called Matt, all I could do was cry cause I was just so nervous and upset from what I did, he needed to calm me down and tell me to go to bed. I don't know how to explain all this any better, but there's this.”

I lifted up the letter, waving it a bit so Jack looked at it and not me.

“It's basically a summary of what the doctor and I talked about... you can read over it if you want.” I handed it to him. “Cause I'm not sure what else to tell you.”
Jack set down the letter on the bed and held me a little tighter.

“I will read it, but later okay?” He said, and I nodded. “I'm so proud of you, baby. You have no idea.”
“You're right,” I laughed humorlessly. “I don't. I'm still waiting for you to tell me you hate me.”
“You really think I would do that?” He asked, appalled.

“Well why wouldn't you?” I cried, feeling myself start shaking. “After everything you went through, I have no right to put you through hell all over again. To treat you like that, or our friends. I should have told you everything right from the beginning, instead of acting like a selfish cunt. I have no excuses, nothing could forgive what I did. There's no way I can make it up to you. I can;t take back these past two or so months during which I caused you so much pain. I...I don't deserve all this calm and acceptance from everyone. You guys should be yelling at me, and telling me to go back home.”

I started crying again, feeling pathetic and like a baby, but I couldn't help it.

“Even if I don't want that, I deserve it.” I sobbed into his shoulder. “I know I do.”

Notes

Okay, I swear and promise this is the last chapter I'm going to write that's so depressing.