It had been two days since I pretty much forced Ember into getting help. Two long days of avoiding the much needed conversation and sleeping in different beds so that I didn't feel so guilty about her dreams. It wasn't Ember's fault, I knew that. And a part of me even believed that it wasn't my fault. I had no control over her dreams but it is my fault that these demons are haunting her.


I am the demon.


I couldn't help but feel like Ember was so scared because she honestly thought I was going to turn into the person in her nightmares. I was cold and cruel before, but never like that. Was it even possible that I could become that way? Surely not. Surely I'd learned my lesson.. Hadn't I?


Ember's dreams had me doubting myself and my life with the girl I love. I'd caused her so much pain and suffering that I couldn't sit here and keep letting it happen. This, today, it was our last hope. I didn't expect Ember to get better suddenly, it's not like I had, but I needed the comfort of knowing she had an outlet. That she had something that made her feel more at ease.


Currently, I was at Alex's. Ember didn't want me to go to her appointment with her. She said it was something she needed to do alone, which I understood, 'cause I'd been the same way. But it was killing me, not knowing if there was any hope for her, or for us.


"Dude, you can't sit here and freak out about it. This is her first session."


"I know and it's stupid to think this one session will change anything, but I still feel like shit. Ember hasn't been sleep and she keeps looking at me like she's scared to death."


"Maybe it's PTSD. Can you get that over something like she went through?"


"Way to make me feel like an even bigger dick, bro."


"I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I'm just saying it's fucking with her and she needs help. You guys are doing the right thing here."


I sighed and relaxed further into my seat. Were we doing the right thing? With Ember getting help, I knew she'd have to tell my therapist about everything that happened. Now the one lady on the planet I trusted with all my mental issues would think I'm the biggest piece of shit on the planet. It was selfish for me to even think about, but fuck. All I was trying to do was get away from the monster I used to be, and yet, he's everywhere I turn.


Honestly, I even felt bad about cutting Bri off the way I had. When I paid my bill and got everything sorted out a home, I didn't even bother to shoot her a text and thank her for everything she helped me with. I figured, the new me, the better me, shouldn't leave any ties to the past. But.. Here we were, with Ember's situation. Texting Bri wouldn't be the end of the world, would it? Ember didn't even know what went down back then and it wouldn't be like I'd be doing anything wrong. Just thanking someone for their help.


I squirmed away from Alex a little as he plopped down on the couch beside me and flipped on the television. When his eyes locked on the screen, I knew he could care less what I was doing. At least he'd been supportive of both Ember and myself through all of this shit. I'd thought for sure I'd lost him after everything that happened.. I thought I lost everyone. I was one lucky son of a bitch to have these people, even if some of them are paying for my mistakes.


With another sigh, I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my contacts. I would text Bri once, one time, and erase her from my life forever. It's just, if I wanted to make things right with everyone, I needed to include the redhead who let me crash on the bar floor.


Hey Bri, it's Jack. Sorry I haven't contacted you. Just wanted to say thanks for all you did for me. I hope all is well your way.


Smiling with how simple it seemed and how easily it could mean goodbye, I locked my phone and focused my eyes on the screen. Alex had settled on some crap about space. At least the pictures were interesting, though it didn't take my mind off of Ember and how her session was going. Hell, she might even be out by now. It was all just a matter of whether or not she'd want to swing by here so we could talk when it was over or if she'd want to put that conversation off for as long as possible.


I'd just started to consider that maybe Ember wouldn't want me to know about her appointment, maybe she'd want to keep me in the dark to help her healing, when my phone buzzed. Unlocking the screen, I noticed it was a text from Bri.


Jack! You ass! I've been worried! What happened to you?! Did you get back with the bitch and forget about me and the nights we've shared?!


Oh shit. And there it is. Another reminder that my past will always haunt me. Did she say nights? There, towards the end of my break-down, I don't remember much about what happened, though I do recall Bri coming to my rescue one night. We didn't do anything, though. We couldn't have, could we? Fuck, why does my brain have to confuse everything?


Had some personal shit going on. Sorry I kept you in the dark. I went through some really dark stuff and-
"You're back?"


My eyes flickered from my phone to the doorway, where Alex's head was already turned. Ember was standing there with her arms crossed over her chest and the smallest smile on her lips. She didn't look happy, but she didn't look upset, either. Kind of a weird mix in between. I quickly saved the text as a draft and locked my phone, standing up to welcome Ember into my arms.


"I guess we're gonna head out," I called to Alex, rubbing Ember's back as she sank into me. "I'll text you tomorrow."


"Later, dudes."


Ember pulled away from me and I followed her outside. A part of me felt guilty for texting Bri, but the other part of me was worried about her. It was unlike her to be so.. quiet.


"Ember? How'd it go?"


"Let's talk at home," she gave me a half-smile. "Its been a long day."

Notes

I'm sorry I've been gone so long guys! I'm STILL not feeling great but at least I'm trying! Sorry this sucks, being out of the loop does that to you. But I'm back! And I love you!
-Jess.