My hand was clinging to the phone, Ember's voice was ringing in my ear and my heart was shattering with every breath she took, but I couldn't - I just couldn't trust her. Alex didn't make her do anything, she did it on her own accord. Ember was a tough girl and when she says no, she means it. Furthermore, I couldn't understand how she could possibly still love me after all of this. Not even I loved me anymore. Alex was behind all of this. It was always Alex and Ember, never me and Alex or me and my girlfriend.


Still, she sounded so fragile and so scared. I wanted to ring Alex's neck just for calling her. He'd been nothing but cold to me, his words had been cruel. What did he care where I was? Truthfully, I was giving everyone exactly what they wanted. Space and distance from the illness in my head. I was even getting help, I was just doing it on my own. The one way no one ever wants it to be done.


"I can't tell you where I am, Ember," I clenched my jaw, doing my best to make myself sound more angry than I was. Maybe I could believe that she still loved me when I got better, but right now I know she doesn't. "Please, just leave me alone."


"No, Jack. I'm worried about you! We're all worried about you! Please Jack, fucking ple-"
"I love you, Ember."


Before she could get another word out, I hung up the phone. A few seconds later, it started to vibrate again, but I couldn't have picked it up even if I wanted to. My palms began to sweat as a woman came out and called my name. It was now or never. Slowly, I stood, trying hard not to stumble over from the pain in my chest. I followed said woman down a hallway and to a small room. She offered me a smile and I seat. I took them both.


"Mr. Barakat, we just got your charts from Baltimore. I understand you've been meeting with your therapist maybe twice a year?"


"That's correct."


"We also have it in the system that you haven't gotten a refill on your medication for a while. What's going on?"


"I-" My mouth closed instantly. I wanted to tell this woman that I'd lost my pills and that I've just been too busy, but that would completely defeat the purpose of being here. A sigh fell from my lips and I shook my head. "I wanted to be normal. No one else I know has to take meds and I feel like I'm frowned upon because of it.. Why can't anyone love me for who I am, without the pills?"


I felt like a fool. This woman I'd literally just met was judging me, having no idea who I was and probably no idea what I was talking about. Even someone who does this on a daily basis thinks I'm a freak.


"But that's where the problem lies, dear. You feel like taking your medication makes you different, but it doesn't. It makes you, you. Think of it like this, your brain has a constant cold. Now how do you feel when you get sick, Jack?"


"Like Hell."


"And you take medicine to make you feel better, yes?"


"Yeah, I guess."


"Well, your brain needs that medicine to feel better. When your brain is healthy, you are healthy. The only thing those pills do is balance your chemicals. You are still you, only a better, happier you."


"I know it was stupid to ever go off of them, but no one understands. I don't expect you to, either."


"I understand quiet well, dear. And now that you've come off of the pills your brain is confused. We'll get you a refill, but it's going to be a couple of weeks before you balance out. May I make a suggestion?"


"Uh," I gulped, not really wanting to hear what she had to say. "I-I guess."


"We have a facility right here in town. The fact that you're here says a lot and I don't find you as much of a threat, but would you be willing to stay there until you get used to taking your medication again?"


"I don't know about that.." I trailed, fearing that if I did go, I'd never leave. These places aren't that simple, it'll be like singing my life away.


"What if I told you that you can check yourself in and out as many times as you want? You'll be free to come or go, dear. At the most we will only request you come in for a session once or twice a week."


"You swear it? I'll be able to leave when I want?"


"Swear it."


With a loud sigh, I nodded my head. If this is what it took for me to get better, I was willing to do it. If for nothing more than the broken voice that called me an hour ago. Following the woman out of the room, she led me to a secluded area where I would fill out a form before gathering my things to go stay in my new prison.


If this doesn't fix me, nothing will.

Notes

OH SNAP.