Jack

I froze, his angelic voice entering and overtaking my senses. Every fiber of my body was tingling and my insides were turning to mush. The dank city streets around me faded away to nothing and I was being pushed and shoved by people around me, but I didn't even notice him. It was him. Alex.

'Jack?' He sounded worried, and I regained enough composure to answer him. My voice was weak, and it cracked as I said that one simple word.

'Alex.' This was too much; this rush of emotions that was overtaking my system. I choked up and staggered over to a lamppost, sliding down it so that I was sitting on the cold concrete. A single tear slipped its way down my face, one of many more to follow.

'Where are you, Jack?' He asked, and I couldn't answer thanks to the sobs that were racking my body. People on the street were looking at me weirdly; an old lady shuffled over and picked me up, and I heard Alex's worried shouts.

'Jack? Jack! Answer me, Jack!'

'Come on now, dear.' The old lady said, leading me over to a cafe. 'Just pop yourself in a seat.' She took the phone from my hands and started talking to Alex.

'Hello, dear. Your friend is alright, he's just in a bit o' shock it seems. I'm just getting him a cup o' coffee.' She placed the phone in front of me, saying,

'You better talk to your friend.' She shuffled off and I looked at my hands. They were shaking and were pale. I heard the strained static sound as Alex yelled a bit more through the phone. I picked up the phone and debated on what to do with it. I tried lifting it to my ear, but my heart only contracted as the guilt washed over me. My thumb hovered over the bright red button.

'Here you go, dear.' The old lady placed a coffee in front of me and I jumped, my thumb hitting the 'end' button. Alex's high screams were cut off.

'T-Thank you.' I stuttered, handing her a few dollars from my pocket.

- - -

I was back in my apartment, and I was looking at the phone. It had stayed dead and dark ever since I had hung up on Alex. It was sitting on my coffee table, a few scattered mugs and abandoned pens next to it. I was in my pajamas, the bottoms too long for me and hanging off my feet. It was warm and cosy, made of flannelette. The button up shirt had bugged me, so it lay discarded on the floor in my bedroom.

'Come on, Alex. Just once more.' I whispered, my voice hoarse and crackly. My tears had long passed, but my heart still felt like an iron fist was wrapped around it, slowly squeezing to the point of death, only to release and start the motion all over again.

'Please.'

'I'm sorry.'

I reached out tentatively, picking up the device, weighing the cool metal in my hand. I curled my legs up beneath me and unlocked it, going to my contacts. I opened up Alex's profile.

Just one tap.

Then you can hear him again.

I closed my eyes, remembering his smooth honey voice, a perfect match for his few strands of honey-tinted hair.

'Jack?' I heard Alex's voice. My eyes snapped open, and I saw that I had called Alex without realising it. He sounded hurt, and I could see the betrayal in his eyes.

'Yes, Alex, I'm here.' I said, choking out my words.

'What do you want?' His voice was cold, and it froze my bones.

'I - I'm sorry, Alex. I'm so sorry. I wasn't - I'm not that strong. Please, just forgive me. I miss you so much, Lex...

Come on, Lexy, say something...

Please. Lexy!' The line stayed dead, he hadn't said a word. I knew I was muttering nonsense now, but I didn't care. Just one more word and I would be satisfied.

'Lex, I love you! Talk to me!'

'You love me?' Alex cut through my shouts.

'Running away? Is that how you express your love? Sending me checks in the mail? That's not love, Jack.' He was angry at me, I knew it. 'Love would be staying here, with me. Be strong. For me. Return.'

This time, Alex had hung up.

He was right; I was a coward. A coward that had run from love, and a happy life. I sighed and threw my phone across the room, raking my hands through my hair.

I need to change.

- - -

I stood outside the bus stop, my only suitcase in hand. I had quit my job about an hour ago. My colleagues had been happy to see me go; I had been "Employee of the Month" for six months now. Yes, two months had passed since I had talked to Alex. Gathering my courage.

It was a pathetic excuse, I know. I was going to miss Denver. But I left it behind without a second thought. It was time for me to get back on the road to home; to Alex.
Title cred: Crucify Me - Bring Me The Horizon

c0l0urfultears

Notes

Title cred: Crucify Me - Bring Me The Horizon

c0l0urfultears