The Hardest Part Of This Is Leaving You
1/1.
"Hey, Jack? Alex whispered, his voice rough as he leaned forward to release a bone-shaking cough. Jack nodded in response, squinting his eyes slightly as clouds outside parted and the sun shone in on the bright white walls of Alex's hospital room. "Um, if it's no trouble, could you get me another glass of water?" Alex asked, a little louder this time, but still quiet enough that the younger boy needed to lean in to hear him properly. Jack replied affirmatively after a quick once-over of Alex and realizing that he did, in fact, need more water to cure his quickly drying out and chapped lips once again.
After a quick trip to the nurse's station in the hall to get yet another plastic cup of water for his lover, not that Jack minded, he returned to find that Alex had already propped himself up to a position of being able to drink. The water disappeared quickly, leaving Alex parched once again, and Jack briefly wondered why they haven't just installed a temporary water cooler at the older boy's bedside.
Days blended into each other, Jack hardly ever knew the date or time, unless visiting hours were starting or ending. Calls were made to each of Alex's family members from his parents and relatives, informing them that his time was soon, not that anyone who wasn't in the loop hadn't known it for a while anyways. At home, boxes were packed of the items Alex would no longer need. The situation was unavoidable. Alex's family decided the packing would be better before the grieving began, because going into Alex's bedroom after he passes would be harder than going into it beforehand.
"I want to be buried in red," Alex decided one rainy friday afternoon.
"Are you sure?" Jack asked, making sure that Alex's decision on the matter was final.
"Of course," he confirmed. "You were wearing a red shirt the day I was diagnosed. It'll be like a symbol of two different new beginnings," Alex explained. Jack would be lying of he said that didn't make him tear up a little bit. Or maybe...a lot. How could he talk about death so casually, or comfortably?
~
Time went on, and Alex became weaker and weaker. His body was hairless, all of his bones were prominent and stuck out at every joint. His eyes were sunken in with dark circles, and it pained Jack to see him grow more and more frail as time went on. He could hardly stand up to go to the bathroom anymore, only on a really good day. Everyone knew that Alex's time was coming soon.
One day, after school, Jack came into Alex's room to find him in the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror with tears streaming down his face.
"Don't look at me!" Alex shouted, shoving Jack out of the small space and trying to shut the door.
"Alex, what's going on?" Jack asked, pushing back against the door and managing to squeeze his way inside, shutting the door behind him.
"Don't look at me!" Alex shouted again, louder this time with a heart-wrenching sob escaping his throat after.
"Alex, I-"
"Get the fuck out, Jack! Don't look at me!" Alex turned to face the wall, his back to me. "All of my hair is gone! I'm fucking bald! I'm so skinny, it's sickening! My face is just horrible looking! Why do you still care? There's nothing left of me to love!"
It was Jack's turn to let the tears go as he stepped forward to Alex and wrapped his arms tightly around his small waist. The older boy struggled to escape the grasp, but quickly grew tired of the fighting and relaxed into the taller boy's warm embrace. Gently, Jack attempted to place soft kisses to Alex's neck, not meaning to be seductive but sweet, to make sure the frail boy knows he is still loved.
"Jack, stop," Alex groaned, wriggling from his hold. Jack whimpered from the rejection, hurt flashing in his eyes, guilt bubbling in the pit of Alex's stomach. "Why would you want to kiss me? I'm disgusting."
Jack cried harder that night when he got home than he did when Alex told him he had cancer.
~~
Eventually, Alex got to the point where he was permanently bedridden, counting down the days to death, no longer afraid of what was to come. Sure, he would miss his friends and family, and Jack, of course, but he didn't want to suffer anymore; he didn't want the people around him to suffer anymore.
Everyone around Alex was just waiting for the day to come, dreading it but trying to be prepared. Nobody wanted to lose Alex Gaskarth, he was popular, smart, charismatic, and more; everything that Jack could ever want in someone. When Alex was first hospitalized, he had dozens of gifts from visitors every day for a few weeks, but eventually, he was forgotten. Everyone else had moved on with their lives, except for Jack and Alex's family.
Jack bought a ring. Sure, they were only seventeen years old, but Jack never wanted anyone else in his life. He picked out one that was perfect for Alex: elegant but simple. It was a silver band with a twist in the center, stones on either side and engraved on the inside with their anniversary date. Jack decided on a date to propose to Alex, and couldn't have gotten to the hospital any faster when the day had come.
Excitedly, Jack jogged down the hallway toward's Alex's room, but a nurse stopped him at the door.
"I need to see Alex," Jack panted out, but a grim expression was set into the nurses face and she nodded slowly.
Faintly, Jack heard buzzing, beeping, and "clear!" being shouted from the room.
"I need to see Alex," Jack repeated, with a little more urgency. "I need to see my boyfriend before it's too late!" he exclaimed.
From the waiting area, Alex's mother came to bring Jack to sit down. "I believe his time has come," she announced quietly.
Hours felt like years in the waiting room and Alexander William Gaskarth was pronounced dead at 4:25 p.m. on Thursday, February 14th, 2013. Burial plans were arranged by his family, and Jack was sick to his stomach every day until the funeral.
~~~
"Are there any final words before we end this ceremony?" the priest asked, eyes darting around the large crowd of people from teenagers to elderly adults crowding the open casket lying in the grass.
"U-um, I would like to, uh, say something," Jack mumbled, stumbling towards Alex's lifeless body, dressed in his favorite American flag skinnies, which he claimed were amazingly comfy, and a red button-down shirt, rolled up to the elbows as he always wore it. Jack's red Nike Dunks, which Alex would often borrow, were also being sported on Alex's feet. Jack had kept his promise.
"Alex, I, um, I know you're watching now, so I, uh-" Jack nervously got down on one knee before the casket, eyes traveling up to the clouds getting darker and darker by the moment.
"I just want to ask you a question. I was going to do this on Valentine's Day, but we can all see that things didn't really, um, go as planned, well I mean, maybe you planned it, but um..." Jack took a moment to catch his breath and clear his throat, swallowing tears. "I had a whole speech prepared, but never mind that. Alex, I want you to be mine forever, whether you're here with me physically or not. I will be forever yours. No other person can ever compare to you. So, I guess I should just get on with this..." Jack trailed off, reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out a box with the ring. "Alexander William Gaskarth, will you marry me?" Jack asked, looking up at the sky, and in just that instant, snow began to fall on the ground, and Jack smiled widely for the first time in months, tears freezing against his face as he laughed, slipping the ring onto Alex's cold finger and backing away for the last time, allowing the casket to close and be lowered into the ground.
Hours later, everyone had already left, but Jack remained rooted to the plot of Alex's grave, tracing his fingers over his lover's tombstone, wondering why things had to be this way.
"I love you Alex," Jack said for the millionth time, snow covering him thickly and making him wish he brought a thicker jacket. The white rose that the younger boy had been holding all throughout the funeral finally found it's way to Alex's place of rest on the ground. Walking away slowly, Jack began to sing a song quietly to himself. A song that Alex had adored, by a band that he also adored, before their worlds flipped upside-down.
If you say goodbye today,
I'd ask you to be true.
Cause the hardest part of this
Is leaving you
Cause the hardest part of this
Is leaving you
After a quick trip to the nurse's station in the hall to get yet another plastic cup of water for his lover, not that Jack minded, he returned to find that Alex had already propped himself up to a position of being able to drink. The water disappeared quickly, leaving Alex parched once again, and Jack briefly wondered why they haven't just installed a temporary water cooler at the older boy's bedside.
Days blended into each other, Jack hardly ever knew the date or time, unless visiting hours were starting or ending. Calls were made to each of Alex's family members from his parents and relatives, informing them that his time was soon, not that anyone who wasn't in the loop hadn't known it for a while anyways. At home, boxes were packed of the items Alex would no longer need. The situation was unavoidable. Alex's family decided the packing would be better before the grieving began, because going into Alex's bedroom after he passes would be harder than going into it beforehand.
"I want to be buried in red," Alex decided one rainy friday afternoon.
"Are you sure?" Jack asked, making sure that Alex's decision on the matter was final.
"Of course," he confirmed. "You were wearing a red shirt the day I was diagnosed. It'll be like a symbol of two different new beginnings," Alex explained. Jack would be lying of he said that didn't make him tear up a little bit. Or maybe...a lot. How could he talk about death so casually, or comfortably?
~
Time went on, and Alex became weaker and weaker. His body was hairless, all of his bones were prominent and stuck out at every joint. His eyes were sunken in with dark circles, and it pained Jack to see him grow more and more frail as time went on. He could hardly stand up to go to the bathroom anymore, only on a really good day. Everyone knew that Alex's time was coming soon.
One day, after school, Jack came into Alex's room to find him in the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror with tears streaming down his face.
"Don't look at me!" Alex shouted, shoving Jack out of the small space and trying to shut the door.
"Alex, what's going on?" Jack asked, pushing back against the door and managing to squeeze his way inside, shutting the door behind him.
"Don't look at me!" Alex shouted again, louder this time with a heart-wrenching sob escaping his throat after.
"Alex, I-"
"Get the fuck out, Jack! Don't look at me!" Alex turned to face the wall, his back to me. "All of my hair is gone! I'm fucking bald! I'm so skinny, it's sickening! My face is just horrible looking! Why do you still care? There's nothing left of me to love!"
It was Jack's turn to let the tears go as he stepped forward to Alex and wrapped his arms tightly around his small waist. The older boy struggled to escape the grasp, but quickly grew tired of the fighting and relaxed into the taller boy's warm embrace. Gently, Jack attempted to place soft kisses to Alex's neck, not meaning to be seductive but sweet, to make sure the frail boy knows he is still loved.
"Jack, stop," Alex groaned, wriggling from his hold. Jack whimpered from the rejection, hurt flashing in his eyes, guilt bubbling in the pit of Alex's stomach. "Why would you want to kiss me? I'm disgusting."
Jack cried harder that night when he got home than he did when Alex told him he had cancer.
~~
Eventually, Alex got to the point where he was permanently bedridden, counting down the days to death, no longer afraid of what was to come. Sure, he would miss his friends and family, and Jack, of course, but he didn't want to suffer anymore; he didn't want the people around him to suffer anymore.
Everyone around Alex was just waiting for the day to come, dreading it but trying to be prepared. Nobody wanted to lose Alex Gaskarth, he was popular, smart, charismatic, and more; everything that Jack could ever want in someone. When Alex was first hospitalized, he had dozens of gifts from visitors every day for a few weeks, but eventually, he was forgotten. Everyone else had moved on with their lives, except for Jack and Alex's family.
Jack bought a ring. Sure, they were only seventeen years old, but Jack never wanted anyone else in his life. He picked out one that was perfect for Alex: elegant but simple. It was a silver band with a twist in the center, stones on either side and engraved on the inside with their anniversary date. Jack decided on a date to propose to Alex, and couldn't have gotten to the hospital any faster when the day had come.
Excitedly, Jack jogged down the hallway toward's Alex's room, but a nurse stopped him at the door.
"I need to see Alex," Jack panted out, but a grim expression was set into the nurses face and she nodded slowly.
Faintly, Jack heard buzzing, beeping, and "clear!" being shouted from the room.
"I need to see Alex," Jack repeated, with a little more urgency. "I need to see my boyfriend before it's too late!" he exclaimed.
From the waiting area, Alex's mother came to bring Jack to sit down. "I believe his time has come," she announced quietly.
Hours felt like years in the waiting room and Alexander William Gaskarth was pronounced dead at 4:25 p.m. on Thursday, February 14th, 2013. Burial plans were arranged by his family, and Jack was sick to his stomach every day until the funeral.
~~~
"Are there any final words before we end this ceremony?" the priest asked, eyes darting around the large crowd of people from teenagers to elderly adults crowding the open casket lying in the grass.
"U-um, I would like to, uh, say something," Jack mumbled, stumbling towards Alex's lifeless body, dressed in his favorite American flag skinnies, which he claimed were amazingly comfy, and a red button-down shirt, rolled up to the elbows as he always wore it. Jack's red Nike Dunks, which Alex would often borrow, were also being sported on Alex's feet. Jack had kept his promise.
"Alex, I, um, I know you're watching now, so I, uh-" Jack nervously got down on one knee before the casket, eyes traveling up to the clouds getting darker and darker by the moment.
"I just want to ask you a question. I was going to do this on Valentine's Day, but we can all see that things didn't really, um, go as planned, well I mean, maybe you planned it, but um..." Jack took a moment to catch his breath and clear his throat, swallowing tears. "I had a whole speech prepared, but never mind that. Alex, I want you to be mine forever, whether you're here with me physically or not. I will be forever yours. No other person can ever compare to you. So, I guess I should just get on with this..." Jack trailed off, reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out a box with the ring. "Alexander William Gaskarth, will you marry me?" Jack asked, looking up at the sky, and in just that instant, snow began to fall on the ground, and Jack smiled widely for the first time in months, tears freezing against his face as he laughed, slipping the ring onto Alex's cold finger and backing away for the last time, allowing the casket to close and be lowered into the ground.
Hours later, everyone had already left, but Jack remained rooted to the plot of Alex's grave, tracing his fingers over his lover's tombstone, wondering why things had to be this way.
"I love you Alex," Jack said for the millionth time, snow covering him thickly and making him wish he brought a thicker jacket. The white rose that the younger boy had been holding all throughout the funeral finally found it's way to Alex's place of rest on the ground. Walking away slowly, Jack began to sing a song quietly to himself. A song that Alex had adored, by a band that he also adored, before their worlds flipped upside-down.
If you say goodbye today,
I'd ask you to be true.
Cause the hardest part of this
Is leaving you
Cause the hardest part of this
Is leaving you
Notes
This hurt so much but I hope you liked it(I also posted this on mibba under my account sarabethg99)
Wow.... A story has never made me cry before, but this one did. This was horribly depressing but a great story all in all. How do you tell when a writer is good? When they can make their readers feel/show emotions. Good job. :')
4/20/14