Build. Destroy. Recreate.
Fourteen
I'm pregnant. I'm going to have a baby. I was still trying to wrap my brain around that fact. I have a new life growing ever so slowly inside me. A life that I created with Alex was growing in me. And everytime I thought about I got scared.
I was scared of my future. What would become of Alex and I once we had the baby? Would we just continue to be just boyfriend and girlfriend while we raise our baby together? Would he and I get married once I recovered from having the baby? Would he kick me and the baby out of his life once I have the baby and he feels like still living his life as a touring musician with nothing to tie him down?
"Courtney," Alex pulled me out of my thoughts. I had my shirt pulled up and I was rubbing my stomach, picturing my uncertain future, "What's on your mind, babe?"
"Everything," I sighed heavily as I put my shirt back down and plopped down onto our bed, "I'm scared of the future, Alex."
"I know you are," Alex replied as he walked across the room to sit next to me, "But I want you to know that I will never abandon you. This baby is just as much as yours as it is mine. I'm not going to coward out and leave you to raise our baby alone."
"How can you be so sure of that," I countered, "What if you change your mind once I have the baby?"
"I would never do that, Courtney," Alex protested, "I love you and I love our baby. I am not going to be a dick and leave you to raise our baby alone. If you are ever alone, it'll be because I'm on the road, doing my job to provide everything you and the baby will ever need to be happy. I'm not walking out or kicking you out."
"I'm just so worried about everything," I sighed heavily as I leaned into his side.
"I know, so am I," he replied, "But we're going to figure this out together. I got you an appointment at a clinic to get you on prenatal care so the baby gets everything it needs from you."
Before long, Alex's last day in studio arrived. I was nine weeks along, but not quite showing yet. I mean, I saw a little bulge where the baby was growing and so did Alex, but it wasn't noticeable to anyone else. I knew that I would soon out grow most of my clothes when we were on tour, same with Alex. So we decided to spend the first of our four days in Baltimore getting me a new wardrobe for when I start to show.
"So I need to make sure get plenty of warm clothes, since we're touring through the fall in the States and then the winter in the UK," I told Alex as we browsed the racks of clothes at the maternity shop in the local mall.
"I think we can get everything today without a problem," Alex agreed as he started looking at sweaters, "So you're nine weeks and most mother's start to really show around thirteen. I think I think we should start at thirteen weeks and get clothes of the next size at every other week."
"Good idea," I replied, "I can still wear your jackets too so I won't need any new hoodies, just shirts, jeans, and sweaters when I want to look nicer."
"And we have to get you new pajamas and a couple nice dresses for when I take you out for nice dinners," Alex smirked as he grabbed a dress off one of the racks that looked really nice for when I was around seventeen weeks.
"Once you hit thirty-six weeks, we're staying home," Alex mentioned once we had grabbed plenty of clothes to last me for the tour, "That way you can get loads of rest as you get closer to term."
"Agreed," I replied as we placed the clothes on the counter for the girl working to ring up everything.
"Alright since Courtney is pregnant, Alex gets first pick on bunks," Matt said. Today was when we were leaving for tour.
"Come on," Alex laced his fingers with mine and we boarded the bus, "We're getting the back middle bunk on the right. It'll be easier for you to get into and it's easier to sit up in if you ever want to just be alone in the bunk while you don't have to work."
"That'll be perfect," I smiled as Alex tossed our bedding duffle bag on the bunk we claimed as ours.
"I can't wait until we get to meet the baby," Alex gushed as he rubbed my still somewhat flat belly, "Our kid is going to be so loved and spoiled, they won't know what to do about it."
"We better not spoil the baby too much," I reasoned, "I am not going to have my child be a brat. Too much work."
"I know," Alex leaned down and kissed me tenderly, "We'll make sure to teach the baby to be humble, respect, and how to sing and play guitar."
"I knew you were going to say that you'd teach the baby to sing and play guitar," I replied, "But I would love for the baby to grow up with a love and respect for music. I know I did and I'm sure you did too, so will our baby."
I was scared of my future. What would become of Alex and I once we had the baby? Would we just continue to be just boyfriend and girlfriend while we raise our baby together? Would he and I get married once I recovered from having the baby? Would he kick me and the baby out of his life once I have the baby and he feels like still living his life as a touring musician with nothing to tie him down?
"Courtney," Alex pulled me out of my thoughts. I had my shirt pulled up and I was rubbing my stomach, picturing my uncertain future, "What's on your mind, babe?"
"Everything," I sighed heavily as I put my shirt back down and plopped down onto our bed, "I'm scared of the future, Alex."
"I know you are," Alex replied as he walked across the room to sit next to me, "But I want you to know that I will never abandon you. This baby is just as much as yours as it is mine. I'm not going to coward out and leave you to raise our baby alone."
"How can you be so sure of that," I countered, "What if you change your mind once I have the baby?"
"I would never do that, Courtney," Alex protested, "I love you and I love our baby. I am not going to be a dick and leave you to raise our baby alone. If you are ever alone, it'll be because I'm on the road, doing my job to provide everything you and the baby will ever need to be happy. I'm not walking out or kicking you out."
"I'm just so worried about everything," I sighed heavily as I leaned into his side.
"I know, so am I," he replied, "But we're going to figure this out together. I got you an appointment at a clinic to get you on prenatal care so the baby gets everything it needs from you."
Before long, Alex's last day in studio arrived. I was nine weeks along, but not quite showing yet. I mean, I saw a little bulge where the baby was growing and so did Alex, but it wasn't noticeable to anyone else. I knew that I would soon out grow most of my clothes when we were on tour, same with Alex. So we decided to spend the first of our four days in Baltimore getting me a new wardrobe for when I start to show.
"So I need to make sure get plenty of warm clothes, since we're touring through the fall in the States and then the winter in the UK," I told Alex as we browsed the racks of clothes at the maternity shop in the local mall.
"I think we can get everything today without a problem," Alex agreed as he started looking at sweaters, "So you're nine weeks and most mother's start to really show around thirteen. I think I think we should start at thirteen weeks and get clothes of the next size at every other week."
"Good idea," I replied, "I can still wear your jackets too so I won't need any new hoodies, just shirts, jeans, and sweaters when I want to look nicer."
"And we have to get you new pajamas and a couple nice dresses for when I take you out for nice dinners," Alex smirked as he grabbed a dress off one of the racks that looked really nice for when I was around seventeen weeks.
"Once you hit thirty-six weeks, we're staying home," Alex mentioned once we had grabbed plenty of clothes to last me for the tour, "That way you can get loads of rest as you get closer to term."
"Agreed," I replied as we placed the clothes on the counter for the girl working to ring up everything.
"Alright since Courtney is pregnant, Alex gets first pick on bunks," Matt said. Today was when we were leaving for tour.
"Come on," Alex laced his fingers with mine and we boarded the bus, "We're getting the back middle bunk on the right. It'll be easier for you to get into and it's easier to sit up in if you ever want to just be alone in the bunk while you don't have to work."
"That'll be perfect," I smiled as Alex tossed our bedding duffle bag on the bunk we claimed as ours.
"I can't wait until we get to meet the baby," Alex gushed as he rubbed my still somewhat flat belly, "Our kid is going to be so loved and spoiled, they won't know what to do about it."
"We better not spoil the baby too much," I reasoned, "I am not going to have my child be a brat. Too much work."
"I know," Alex leaned down and kissed me tenderly, "We'll make sure to teach the baby to be humble, respect, and how to sing and play guitar."
"I knew you were going to say that you'd teach the baby to sing and play guitar," I replied, "But I would love for the baby to grow up with a love and respect for music. I know I did and I'm sure you did too, so will our baby."
10/18/13