Love Feels Like War

Nicole’s P.O.V.

I heard Jack and Rian shouting at me the whole way back to the bus, but I didn’t stop or even turn around to peek at them. There was nothing they could say to me right now to fix this, I was completely fed up with this whole situation.

As soon as I got on the tour bus, I slammed the door shut behind me and I could still hear their voices from the other side.

“Jack, let’s just head back.” Rian tries to persuade Jack. “She clearly isn’t in the mood for company. We all should just give her some space right now.”

“I can’t do that, man. I can’t just let her leave like this.” Jack argues and starts knocking on the door.

I could from the window that Rian gave Jack a sorrowful look and I read his lips saying, “Good luck then.”

After that, Rian slowly made his way back in the direction of the stage, but yet Jack remained outside of the bus. “Nicky, please let me in! We should really talk about this!”

I moved to press my ear against the door that divided us as I asked, “What is there to talk about?”

“I don’t know, maybe about why you want to quit your band. It’s yours, isn’t it? Ashley said once that you suggested it in the first place. Lost Love Crisis is your baby right?”

“It’s her’s too. It wouldn’t be a thing without either of us.”

“How can it still be a thing without you then? The rest of the band needs you and the fans need you. LLC doesn’t make any sense without Nicole King.”

“They could always get another guitarist, there are plenty of other highly talented people that would love to work with them.”

The sound of more voices caught my ear and then I recognized Devin’s voice and he must have heard what I said as he tells me, “We wouldn’t want to work with anyone else, Nick. You’re a part of our family and it wouldn’t operate right without you. Sure, we all can get in fights and annoy the shit out of each other, but we always work through it. You and Ashley are no different, hell you two are closer than the rest of us and that’s probably why you can get under each other’s skin so easily. You both know each other like an old familiar song, but even then someone can still mess up the notes.”

“I honestly think that you and Ash just need to sit down and talk all this out.” Bree jumps in. “No lies, no bullshit. You both just need to get it all out on the table and find a way to make it work because I have no chance of getting an actual job with all these tattoos of mine.”

I chuckled, Bree always knew how to make me laugh no matter what.

That’s when Liam spoke up, “So, are you going to let us all in, or what?”

I smirked slightly as I stood back and pulled open the door so I could step out. As soon as I was on the grass, my bandmates all pulled me into a group hug and I was surprised when Bree pulled Jack into it with us commanding, “Get in here, Barakat!”

Jack laughed as he threw an arm around her and then me. He sent me a warm smile saying, “I told you so.”

Soon after that, Jack had to run off so he wouldn’t miss his performance. I checked the time on my phone as he sprinted off, he better hurry, he only had a few minutes before they needed to be on stage.

“I have a feeling that there might be a giant shit storm waiting for us on twitter.” Liam remarked as he clambered onto the bus as he let out a yawn. “But I’m going to take a nap before I even think about finding out if I’m right.”

I groaned at that, “Oh God, you’re probably right. Should I say something?”

“Well, that depends, are you staying in the band or not? If you aren’t, then yeah you should, but if you are just say that there was just a misunderstanding on stage.” Devin suggested.

“You know that the fans will see right through a statement like that.” Bree pointed out.

“So, what should we say? Because I really don’t want to be putting All Time Low on blast over this petty drama.”

“I think you seriously need to talk to Ashley first. Where is she anyway?”

“Alex took her back to his bus to try to help her calm down.” Devin explained as he followed after Liam onto the tour bus.

Bree nodded, “Alright, we’ll wait for Ash to come back before we make any sort of public statement.”

When Bree and I got on the bus, I went straight for my acoustic guitar that I had left lying in my bunk. I noticed Liam pull his curtain shut and decided that I should play outside so I wouldn’t disturb everyone else. Besides, I really just wanted a moment to be alone with my thoughts. When I stepped back outside I could hear ATL preforming their song ‘No Idea’ in the distance. I knew that was sort of rare for them to play, but I shrugged it off.

I took a seat on the ground against the side of the tour bus and began to mess around with the song I had been working on. The longer I played, the smoother my movements became, until I finally felt comfortable enough to sing some of the lyrics.

“Does it help you to play as you’re wasting away, like a silver screen cliché? Cause after all we’re-”

“Wow, that sound incredible Nicole!” Devin exclaimed, startling me enough to nearly drop my instrument. “Is there any more to it?”

I silently pleaded for the heat in my cheeks to die down as I shrugged, “There’s isn’t too much more. It’s just a small chorus so far.”

“I think that it’s great so far, why haven’t you talked to any of us about what you’ve been working on? You aren’t planning on going solo, are you?” He questioned in a teasing tone, but I could see a bit of worry lingering in his eyes.

“Of course not. Do you think someone as shy as me could make it in this business all alone?”

“I actually do.”

I roll my eyes at him, “You’re fucking with me, right?”

Devin crouched down until we were at the same eye level and placed his hands on my shoulders. “Have you ever known me to do that and truly mean it?”

I shook my head no, I could always count on Devin to be honest with me.

“You would do just fine without this band, but it probably wouldn’t make it without you. It’s really just your call from here. Everything will find a way to work out in the end, you’ll see.” With that he pressed a small peck on my cheek.

That gained a grin out of me as I shook my head, Devin really could be an overly affectionate person at times. I had gotten used to it by this point, so we just carried on.

“So, do you have any other songs hidden up your sleeve that I should know about?”

Jack’s P.O.V.

Despite the show being fantastic, I couldn’t wait to get back to Nicky. I could only hope that her bandmates had managed to talk a bit more sense into her. I had high hopes that she was going to stay, because this all seemed to matter to her too much to let go so easily. Plus, I would miss having her around and it wasn’t even about just seeing her. I would miss her humor, sassy moments, and the times when she would break out of her shy little shell and show me the real her. Shit, I barely had any clue what I was even going to do when this tour is over as it is. That notion freaked me out a little bit, but I figured I could deal with it later on.

I didn’t even care that I was a sweaty mess as I headed back to her tour bus once our set was done. I was dying to know how she was doing.

As I rounded the corner I spotted her sitting in the grass beside her tour bus while Devin grew closer to her. He leaned down towards her face and it didn’t take a genius to figure out that he intended to kiss her. She didn’t make any move to stop him and it felt as if my throat was closing up at the sight. Right before he reached her, I turned back around, not wanting to see any more than I already had.

I felt so fucking stupid for letting myself get upset over this, but I had really thought that she might have actually had a thing for me. She had seemed to be into my silly and sort of childish sense of humor. I guess I had been wrong after all. I raked a hand through my hair as I let out a heavy sigh, I really could be an idiot sometimes.

I walked past the other guys as they were being interviewed. I noticed that Alex seemed antsy the whole time, like he truly want to be somewhere else. I could totally understand that feeling, so instead of joining them, I headed straight for our bus. I just wanted to hide in my bunk, go to sleep, and pretend that this day didn’t happen.

When I opened the door I was taken aback when I saw Ashley gripping her head as she sat on the couch. Her head snapped up as I climbed up the stairs and I could tell from her blood shot eyes that she’d been crying for a while. She appeared disappointed when she caught sight of me, which was sort of weird.

“What are you doing in here?” I ask as I shut the door behind me.

“Alex told me to wait here for him.” She explains as she wipes the remaining tear streaks from her face.

I gave her a weak smile as I took a seat next to her. “How have you been holding up?”

“I feel like shit honestly.” She confesses with a shake of her head. “It doesn’t matter though, I deserve this for being such a selfish bitch this whole tour.”

I sat there silently going over the events of this whole tour so far and I couldn’t come up with any time she had seemed selfish. So, I pointed it out with a shake of my head, “But you haven’t been?”

“How do you figure? You were there earlier, you heard what I said.”

“Okay, you had one outburst this whole time. It happens, people sometimes lose their cool. Since when else do you think you have acted like a bitch?”

I watched her bite at her lip as she pondered over it.

After a minute, I took that as my queue to continue, “See? Just because you tried to pursue someone that your friend might like too doesn’t make you a bitch. Didn’t you say you were never sure what she wanted?”

“I wasn’t a hundred percent sure, but I know her well enough to know when she’s into a guy, even without her saying it.”

“Maybe it was hard for you to figure out because she wasn’t so sure of it herself.” I mutter.

“Why? Did she say something to you about it?”

I waved it off, “I don’t really want to get into it.”

“So, where’s the rest of your band?” She asked, dropping the subject.

“They’re doing some sort of interview, so they might be a while.”

Her expression seemed to fall even more at that, but she did her best to quickly recover. “Oh, well that’s alright. I guess I’ll just head out so you can have your bus back. See you around, Jack.”

She moved to stand up and I instantly clapped a hand on her knee, getting her to pause.

“Do you want to just get out of here?” I question, instantly coming up with an idea.

Ashley gave me a puzzled look, asking a question of her own, “What do you mean?”

“I was thinking that since we’ve both had a pretty shitty day, that we could go do something fun for a bit. It’ll help get our minds off of things.”

“Don’t you want me to go find Nick and beg her to stay in LLC?”

“I’m fairly sure that your other bandmates took care of that already.” I remark, letting some of my irritation over the matter slip into my tone.

Her eyebrows scrunched together at that, but she didn’t question it. “So, what do you suggest we do? I’m pretty sure that I’ve never been around here before.”

“I say that we ditch this venue and see where the night takes us.”

She rolled her eyes and I was worried that she was going to turn down the idea, but then she grinned. “Let’s do it.”

I smiled brightly as I sprung to my feet. “It’s time to declare us as runaways.”

She laughed at that murmuring, “You’re ridiculous.”

Ashley’s P.O.V.

I could hardly believe that Jack was suggesting this and then something dawned on me. “How are we going to be able to go out on our own without being recognized and possibly swarmed?”

It was obvious that he hadn’t considered that, but then it appeared that he came up with an idea as he ran off to the back of the bus. A minute or so later, he returned with two hoodies and two pairs of sunglasses.

“We’ll go in disguise.” He explains as he hands me a hoodie with a Raven’s logo on it.

As worried as I was about this plan of his, I pulled the hoodie on anyway. I had to focus on not making an odd face as the scent of Jack’s cologne hit me, telling me that this was clearly his hoodie. Once I had it adjusted, Jack handed me the glasses next and I found that they covered almost half of my face.

He chuckled at the sight and pointed out, “You have a sort of little face.”

I stuck my tongue out at him, “It’s not like I can help it.”

“I wasn’t saying it’s a bad thing. Your face is fine. You have a good face.”

I then gave a small laugh, “That’s one of the weirdest compliments I’ve ever received.”

“Well at least I’m original.”

I rolled my eyes even though I was grinning the whole time. “Let’s get this show on the road.”
He nodded enthusiastically as he threw on his own ‘disguise’ and then grabbed my wrists to pull me off the couch.

I followed his lead as we made our way across the venue’s grounds and along the way I spotted the rest of his band. They were standing against the side of the stage giving an interview and I took in the fact Alex looked preoccupied, like he had somewhere else he wanted to be. A twist in my gut at the sight made me want to turn back around wait for him like he had asked me to, but my feet continued to trail after Jack. I told myself that I should be happy about this, I was getting one on one time with the guy I had a crush on after all.

It was as if Alex could feel my eyes on him because he then turned slightly in my direction, but before he could figure out that it was me, I turned away. I forced myself to shake off the unwanted feelings of guilt that came over me and picked up my pace so I was walking beside Jack.

As soon as we were away from the concert venue relief thankfully came to take the place of my negative emotions. It was nice to be away from the area where so much drama had occurred.

‘You were the one that started all of it.’ I reminded myself.

“Hey! There’s a little arcade across the street, what do you say pop in and see what they have?” Jack asks even though he was already heading in the direction of the place.

“Sound good.” I agree anyway as we hurry to the other side of the road.

The arcade was already lit up by glowing neon lights even though the sun was just now starting to set. The closer we got, I could see that there was only one person inside, which was the employee behind the counter, who was staring off into space.

“Are you sure this place is going to be worth it?” I question as we reach the entrance door.

“There’s only one way to find out.”

When the bell above the door chimed as we entered, the guy working there jumped slightly before swiftly composing himself. He gazed at me for a long moment and I wondered if it was because he knew about my band or maybe Jack’s.

I smiled politely as I asked, “How much for twenty tokens?”

“Five bucks.” He responds as he grabs us two tiny cups of bronze coins.

I handed him a five dollar bill as I glanced at his name tag, “Thank you, Lane.”
“N-no problem, Ashley.” He stumbled over his words as his cheeks turned red as he realized his slip up. “I mean Miss.”

“It’s alright. Are you a fan of the band?”

He nodded, “I’ve been listening to Lost Love Crisis for two years now.”

“Really? Thank you so much! I’m glad you’ve stuck around with us.”

“I would have come to the show, but I couldn’t get off work.”

“That’s okay, it’s probably a good thing that you had to miss this one. It didn’t end too well.”

“Oh yeah, I heard about what happened with Nicole on Twitter. Is she really quitting the band?”

Wow, word really does travel fast thanks to social media. I bit my lip as I tried to think of a way to explain what had happened and why I had run away instead of trying to fix it.

“I’m almost certain that Devin convinced her to stick around, so there’s nothing to worry about.” Jack cut in to reassure him and I took note of the annoyance that flashed across his features.

Our conversation with Lane ended shortly after that and we made our way to the games. I spotted an air hockey table that was far from the front of the arcade, which was perfect since I wanted to ask Jack something in private.

“Hey do you want to give this game a go?” I ask as we approach the glowing tabletop.

“Sure.”

I put in three tokens, causing the small plastic puck to slip out of the machine.

As we started passing the puck back and forth I questioned, “What were you talking about Devin making Nicole stay?”

“He kissed her.”

My hockey paddle barely glanced off the edge of the puck, “What?”

Jack then proceeded to tell me a story about how he and the others had went to Nicole’s aid to convince her to remain in the band. I caught the pained look on his face as he explained what he had seen after he had gotten back from his set.
“Jack… I am so sorry. I know that you like her and that had to be awful to witness.” I tell him as I think about the way something very similar was done to me in the past with Chris. “That’s why you wanted to leave the venue, isn’t it?”

“I wasn’t kidding when I said that we both had a shitty day.”

I frowned, but then I shook my head as I smacked the palm of my hand to the table, “You know what? We’re not going to worry about all that stuff right now. There’s not much we can do about it at the moment anyway, so we might as well enjoy ourselves dammit!”

His eyebrows shot up in surprise as he let out a laugh, “You’re a bit determined, aren’t you?”

“It was your idea first.” I point out as I pass the puck back to him quickly, making him miss.

“That’s the only free point you’re going to get in this game.” He tells me, clearly letting go of the other topic.

“I don’t need any free points, I’m the master of air hockey.”

“We’ll see about that.”

After beating Jack nearly ten times at air-hockey, clearly he didn’t believe I was as good at the game as I said I was, we moved on. I made my way up to another game, this time pinball.

“Oh, so your just the arcade queen, aren’t you?” Jack teased as he hurried over to my side.

I shook my head, “I’ve only ever played pinball on the computer back when I was around seven. I just thought it might be fun to give it a try. ”

“Here let me show you.” He says and slides over until he is directly behind me, his arms trapping me from both sides.

A tickle in my stomach made it hard for me to focus as he put a token in the game.

“Alright, your flipper buttons are on either side.” He explains as he grabs my hands places them on said buttons. “Here and here.”

He then reached underneath my arm to press another, which made a silver ball come whizzing out. “Right, now I want you to just worry about not letting the ball go down the hole.”

“Easy enough.”

“Well, let’s see it then.” He retorts playfully and I immediately lose a ball as soon as he places his chin on my shoulder. He chuckles before pushing the button for another ball.

“You distracted me.” I point out as I do my best to focus on the pinball machine and not the vibration on my back caused by his laughter.

“Pay better attention then.”

“I can’t with you breathing down my neck.” I argue as I do my best to hold my own laugh in.

“I am doing no such thing.” He replies before inclining his neck before literally blowing in the shell of my ear and down the side of my neck.

I let out a strange sound that was a mixture between a yelp and a giggle. Completely disregarding the pinball game, I turned slightly to shove him playfully as he began to laugh so hard that he had to clutch on the sides of the arcade machine to keep himself from falling over.

“What the fuck was that then, Jack?”

“I was making sure that you were telling the truth.”

I rolled my eyes at his grinning face, “How kind of you.”

“You know, you have one turn left, right?”

“Are you going to let me actually try this time?”

He nodded in the direction of the game, “Go ahead.”

It turned out that I just wasn’t good at pinball and Jack enjoyed that fact a bit too much.

“Well, well, the arcade queen’s reign seems to have come to an end.” He announces in an overly dramatic tone and right when I go to tell him off, he adds, “And to ease her pain, I will escort her to the nearest place that serves ice cream.”

“Sounds fair enough.”

His smile only becomes wider as he throws an arm around my shoulders and pulls me towards the exit.

I had to admit, Jack had lived up to his word. My night had certainly gotten quite a bit better thanks to him.

Alex’s P.O.V.

The moment the interview was over I basically sprinted for the bus, hoping that Ashley wouldn’t be upset that I had been gone longer than I had planned. As soon as I flung the tour bus door open I became confused, Ashley wasn’t there anymore.

“Hey Ash?” I gently called out and received no response.

I rationalized that she had probably gone back to her tour bus to try to clear things up with her bandmates. Even with that reassuring thought, I still wanted to check on her anyway. So, I headed right back out the door, nearly running right into Zack.

“Sorry man.” I say as I step around him.

“It’s all good. Where’s Jack?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t seen him since we got off stage.” I confess before adding on, “I’ll be back in a minute. I want to see how everyone in LLC is holding up.”

“You mean you’re going to go check on Ashley.”

“Dude, shut up.” I say as I try to laugh it off like that wasn’t exactly what I was about to do.

“You want to know something Alex?” He says out of nowhere, making me stall, “I think you should say something to Ashley about how you feel, I have a feeling that it will fix a lot of the tension going on around here.”

“How do you think it would help?”

He shrugged, “I think Ashley might actually like you and you confirming how you feel about her might make her be more open about her emotions.”

“But she has a thing for Jack. You heard her earlier.”

“Yeah, but I get the feeling that’s starting to change.”

I pondered that idea, wondering if I had noticed any changes in the way she acted towards me. She has always been kind and helpful to me, but that didn’t hint at any hidden feelings to me.

“Just keep an eye out.”

After that, we went our separate ways and thankfully the Lost Love Crisis bus wasn’t parked far from ours.

I only had to knock a few times before Devin opened the door, “Hey Alex, what can I do for you?”

“I just wanted to come check on how things are going over here.”

“We’re all just trying to take it easy at the moment, today has been kind of nuts.”

I let out a sharp laugh as I nodded in agreement and then I decided to stop beating around the bush, “Is Ashley in there with you all by any chance?”

His expression became scrunched up in confusion as he said, “We thought she was with you.”

I shook my head, “Hang on, let me text her.”

Half way through my message I heard someone running across the pavement towards us and I glanced up to spot Shaylynn.

“Alex, I think we might have an issue. No one knows where Jack is.”

“Ashley seems to have disappeared too.” Devin volunteered as a suspicious look crept over his expression. “Do you think they might be together?”

“Why would they be together?” Shay questioned.

“Because anytime Ashley gets upset she runs off for a while and maybe this time she talked Jack into joining her.”

“I’m going to go look for them.” I state firmly as I turn to find a way out of this parking lot.

“Not you too.” Shaylynn protested as she hurried after me. “At least bring someone with you.”

“Okay, do you want to help me?” I question, knowing that there was no way I was going to ask Devin after the remark he made about Ashley. Everyone had their way of dealing with stuff and just because she was a bit different with her approach didn’t mean she was doing it wrong.

Shay continued to stay in step beside me, wordlessly agreeing to my request, but as soon as we were out on the street she questioned, “How do we even know where to start looking?”

“Fuck, I honestly have no clue.” I admit as I finish my text to her and send it, hoping for a quick response.

“Let me try Jack again.” Shay murmurs before typing swiftly on her phone. “I hope they’re okay.”

That thought made my stomach twist, I hadn’t considered that they might be in trouble and I didn’t want anything to happen to either of them. I let out a ragged sigh as I tried to figure out why they would just leave without telling anyone, so maybe something really was wrong.

“Hey! Gaskarth!” A voice shouts from the other side of the road and I notice a guy that appeared to be closing up an arcade place.

I wave at him just to be polite.

“Tell Jack that I said congratulations on his new girlfriend!” He calls and Shaylynn gives me a puzzled glance.

“What new girlfriend?” Shay responds as she jogs over to the boy.

“Well, I don’t know if they’re actually together, but they looked pretty cozy when they were playing pinball together.”

“Do you know who the girl was though?”

He made a face at that. “Of course I do. It was Ashley from Lost Love Crisis.”

It felt as if someone had just thrown a bucket over water over my head, this guy had to be wrong. Jack had always been the world's biggest flirt and maybe this dude had just read too much into it. Or maybe Devin had been right. I silently cursed myself for the thought and for not having just been up front with her about what I’ve been feeling. Who knows how things might have turned out then.

“Alex, don’t.” Shay warned as she watched me with knowing eyes.

“I’m fine.” I reassure her, but her expression still seemed tense and worried even as she turned back to the other guy.

“Do you know where they might be now by any chance?”

“I thought I heard Jack say something about them going to get ice cream.”

“Alright, thank you for your help.”
“Um, no problem.”

Shaylynn whipped her phone back out after that, feverishly tapping at the screen until she said, “I think I got it. Come on, we’re going to get to the bottom of this.”

Notes