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Dreaming With A Broken Heart

the distance that killed us

"Dash, sweetie, are you hungry?" Carson called through the closed door of her best friend's bedroom. "Kane and Ezra are here. Ezra brought his mom's lasagne. You know how much you love that stuff." Carson bit her lower lip, waiting a few more seconds to see if she would receive any sort of response from the girl on the other side of the door. When all she received was silence, Carson finally murmured, "okay then. If you change your mind, we'll save some for you."

Letting out a short sigh, Carson turned away from the closed door and headed back downstairs to where Kane and Ezra were waiting at the kitchen table. Kane stood up as Carson entered the room, his face falling once he realized that Dash was not trailing behind her.

"She wouldn't come down?"

The tall brunette shook her head. "She didn't even humor me with a response." Carson raked her fingers through her hair in frustration. "This is bad, guys. You've been home for a week now and she hasn't ventured out of her room. Max and Bean are still at her parents' place. And Hunter dropped by last night saying that the band has a meeting with some new producer in a few weeks and they're expecting Dash to have some new material. Unless she's been doing some hardcore writing up there, which I sincerely doubt, you guys are screwed."

Kane let out a frustrated groan and let his head fall into his hands. Ezra glanced over at his friend before turning his attention back to Carson. "What do we do?" he asked. "How do we fix this?"

"I don't know." Carson squeezed her eyes shut, rubbing her forehead. "I don't know how to make this one better. I thought that if we just waited it out and gave her some time to herself that eventually she'd be okay. But it's been a week now and she hasn't even come out of her room."

"They were together for five years, Carson. Five years," Kane said, standing up. "We all thought they were forever. I can't even imagine what's going through Dash's mind right now. I'd be a mess too."

"I just wish she'd come down from there," whispered Carson.

"She will," Ezra replied, confidently. "This is Dash we're talking about. She is the strongest person I know. She'll get through this. And we'll all be here waiting for her when she does, because that's what friends do. And we all know it's what she'd do for us." He stood up, his dark hair falling around his shoulders. "Now, I'm going to go out and pick up some food - all of Dash's favorites. Then I'm going to come back with Hunter and Spencer and the five of us are going to stay here and watch Boy Meets World reruns until Dash McCafferty comes down those stairs." Pulling a beanie over his head, Ezra gave his two friends a nod before leaving the apartment.

"He's a special one, isn't he?" Carson mused.

Kane nodded, smiling softly. "That he is. He's a quiet one, but he's got a heart of gold." He cleared his throat and walked over to Carson, resting his hands on her shoulders. "And he's right. About everything. Let's go sift through Dash's DVD collection. Find all of her favorites." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, leading her into the adjoining room. "We've got a friend to fix."
×××
Ezra had pulled out all the stops. Not only had he stopped by the grocery store to pick up all of Dash's favorite snacks, he had also visited her favorite bakery in the city and bought a box of her favorite dessert: pain au chocolat. He, Carson, Caron's boyfriend, Dillion, Spencer, Hunter and Kane were huddled together in the front room of Dash's apartment watching a season of Boy Meets World. Kane had ventured upstairs about an hour ago to let Dash know that her band mates and best friend were downstairs waiting for her, but had received no reply in return.

"This is pointless," hissed Spencer as Kane rose from his position on the floor to change the DVD. "She's not coming down. We've been coming by for a week now, trying to coax her out of that room. What makes you think that she;s going to trot down those stairs tonight?"

"She just needs time-" Kane tried to argue.

"We've given her time, Kane. We've given her nothing but time. If after all of this, she still doesn't come out of that room and engage in social conversation with the living, then I say we leave it to Dash. She needs to deal with it herself," Spencer finished.

"Jesus, Spence, you don't have to be so careless about it-"

"No." Carson shook her head, keeping her eyes on the younger red head. "I think that Spencer's right. Maybe we've done everything we can. Maybe it's time for Dash to deal with all of this herself."

"I'm going to talk to her," Ezra announced abruptly, standing from the couch and leaving the room.

He would give Dash one last chance to talk to him. He wasn't quite ready to give up on her yet, but if she refused to speak with him, he would go along with Carson and Spencer, and leave the girl to her own devices.

Taking a deep breath, Ezra knocked on the wooden door that had separated his friend from the outside world for the past week. "Dash?" he said, and Ezra took notice to how his voice sounded so clear and determined - the complete opposite of how he was actually feeling. "Dash, it's Ezra. I, um... I have something that I need to say to you." He bit his lip, silently praying to whatever higher power that he would get some response. When he finally realized that he was getting no reply, Ezra pressed on, not quite ready to give up on the front woman of their band. "You don't have to talk to me. Hell, you don't even have to look at me. Just please, Dash, let me in."

Yet still, there was nothing. There was no sound of movement or life at all from the bedroom. Ezra closed his eyes and rested his hand against the cold doorknob. "C'mon Dash," he murmured, wrapping his hands around the doorknob and giving it a turn. To his surprise, the door clicked and he cautiously stepped inside the dark room.

Dash was sitting in the middle of the queen-size bed, the blankets knotted and tangled on the floor. Her black hair was matted and clung to her face and neck. She was clad in only a pair of leggings and a man's dress shirt that was two sizes too big for her small frame. Though the curtains were pulled and miniscule amount of light in the room was coming from a small desk lamp, Ezra could see how pale her skin was from being in the room for an entire week; he also took notice of the dark circles around her eyes, indicating that sleep had clearly not been a concern of hers.

It was then that Ezra noticed that around Dash sat dozens and dozens of pictures - scattered all around the small girl on the bed and a few had even slipped onto the floor. There was a single photograph clutched in her hand.

As Ezra pushed the door open further and took a step inside the room, Dash's eyes snapped up to the doorway to see who had invaded her dark and quiet sanctuary. "Ezra," she murmured, her voice low and husky. The shaggy haired boy gave her a small smile before closing the door behind him and making his way over to the bed, making sure to carefully move the pictures out of his way before sitting down.

Neither spoke. They simply stared at one another - Ezra unsure of how to begin now that he was physically sitting in front of the girl; Dash simply waiting.

Finally, she passed the photograph that she was holding over to him. Ezra glanced at the girl before easing the picture out of her grip. It was no surprise that it was a picture of her and Sam. They were on some sort of patio. With the vast amount of woods behind them, Ezra deduced that it was a cabin of some sort. Sam's arms were wrapped around Dash's waist, his tall and broad frame leaning over her, his chin resting on the top of her head and there was a huge cheeky grin on Sam's face. But the focal point of this picture - Ezra could tell - was Dash. Her nose was wrinkled and her eyes were sparkling and she was laughing. From years of knowing Dash, Ezra could tell that whomever had taken this photo had caught her in the midst of a real, honest-to-goodness Dash McCafferty laugh. It was infectious and joyful, and from simply looking at a photograph, Ezra could feel a grin slipping onto his face.

And then Dash broke the silence. "That's my favorite picture of us." Ezra raised his gaze to look at Dash, but she was looking down at her lap, her hands twisting the bottom of the shirt. "It was up at Dax's cabin. Do you remember when he let the two of us go up there during senior year with him and Diana? I had so much fun that weekend." She paused, closing her eyes. Ezra remained silent, knowing that he should take advantage that Dash was speaking to him. "He told me that he loved me that weekend." Her voice faltered at the end of her sentence and she wrapped her right around around her opposite wrist, squeezing tight as she twirled her wrist around - a habit that Dash fell back to whenever she felt anxious or upset. "We had been together a year. He told me that it had taken him four months to get up the nerve to tell me that he loved me. But once he did, he never stopped."

Ezra could see the tears welling in her eyes now and as much as he wanted to hug her and tell her how everything would be better, he knew that she had been holding in her thoughts for a week now. She needed to get them out.

"I was eighteen. Eighteen! And completely in love with him..." She bit her bottom lip, tears flowing freely now, with neither Dash nor Ezra making any move to stop them.

"What do I do now? He was everything. We had this amazing life together and now it's just... over. It's all over now and it's my fault," she added. "If I had just stayed in school... pursued my psych degree, none of this would've happened. If I hadn't been so selfish in wanting to be in this band and make music, Sam would still be here. An everything would be okay."

"You don't actually believe that, do you?" Ezra finally murmured, pushing all of the pictures to the other side of the bed and moving closer to Dash. He took her hand that was clutching her wrist and held it in his own. "You know just as well as I do, that's not true. Sam dealt with this lifestyle for two years. And you and I both know that if you two were meant to be, he would've stuck around until the very end. It's not impossible. Rock stars don't live alone forever. Look at all the couples who have struggled through this and made it work: Billie Joe and Adrienne Armstrong; Gerard and Lindsey Way; hell, Johnny and June!" Dash rolled her eyes at the last couple, as Ezra smirked. "I know that someday, we are all going to find someone who loves us enough to put up with this life we live. I know it, Dash. And as horrible as it is that Sam left like he did, at least he left when he knew he couldn't handle it. He would've grown to resent you if he had stayed around."

Dash didn't respond. Instead, she closed the distance between herself and Ezra, wrapping her arms around his torso. She rested her head against his chest, murmuring, "what do I do now, Ezra? I don't know how to be without him."

Ezra sighed, wrapping one arm around the girl and using the other run his fingers through her long black hair. "I honestly don't know, Dash," he admitted. "But you should know that we're all here to help you figure it out." Pressing his lips to the top of her head softly, Ezra untangled himself from the girl. "I'll be downstairs when you're ready."

"Hey Ezra?" Dash whispered once he was standing in the doorway. He looked back at her, waiting for her to continue.

"The door was never locked, you know."

Ezra grinned in spite of himself. "Yeah, I kind of figured," he replied, before heading downstairs, making sure to close the door behind him.

He entered the living room moments later to be greeted by three pairs of eyes staring back at him.

"You were up there an awful long time. Did she talk to you?" Spencer asked the second that Ezra was seated on the couch.

"Yeah, she did," he answered, glancing around the room. "Where did Carson and Dillion go?"

"Dinner with Dillion's parents," Kane responded. "But what did Dash say?"

Ezra shrugged, leaning back into the couch. "I had my say. Like you said, the rest is up to Dash." Spencer huffed, flopping back, crossing her arms, clearly unimpressed with his answer. Kane simply nodded his head, before getting up to bring the empty popcorn bowl into the kitchen.

Kane let out a sigh as he laid the bowl on the counter. As he rested his hands on the island, he squeezed his eyes shut and listened to the one-sided conversation that his little sister was having with Ezra in the adjoining room. The more the red head pressed Ezra for information on the conversation he had had with Dash, the less the guitarist said.

Kane was so worried about her though. In the years that they had known each other, Dash - without fail - had been the strong one. She knew how to be stable and unbreakable when people needed her to be. That was the Dash that Kane knew how to handle. Even if Dash did decide to leave her room, the blonde wasn't sure he'd know how to respond to this new and broken Dash.

Pushing all of his thought of Dash out of his mind, Kane walked back into the living room, taking a seat in the armchair. Thankfully, Spencer had finally ceased her verbal assault on Ezra.

"I think it's time for me to get going," Hunter said, after checking his watch.

Ezra raised his eyebrows, looking at his friend. "What, now?"

The bassist lifted a hand to rub the back of his neck, looking uncomfortable. "It's not that I don't want to be here for Dash, I do. It's just, well, I had promised Kat that we'd cook dinner together, but I bailed on her to come here." Hunter lifted his head to look at his band mates. "She's been really understanding about this whole Dash thing and I guess I just... I don't know-"

"Don't want to push your luck," Kane finished for him.

"Exactly."

"I understand, dude," replied Kane, nodding. "We'll see you later then."

Hunter nodded in response and rose from his seat on the floor, grabbing his sweater off the arm of the couch, at the same moment a small creak came from the hallway. The four band members sitting in the living room shared a look of disbelief before turning their attention to the doorway to see the tiny front woman make her way into the room.

Not a word was spoken as Ezra moved down on the couch, pushing Spencer to the end, making room for Dash to sit. All eyes were glued to the singer as she lowered herself carefully next to Ezra, tucking her feet under her body and focusing her attention on the episode of Boy Meets World that was currently playing on the screen.

Ezra smirked and followed Dash's suit, turning his gaze to the television. Hunter, Kane and Spencer, however, were staring wide-eyed at the girl. It wasn't until Ezra noticed them staring and cleared his throat that they all looked away, before Hunter broke the silence.

"I guess I could stay for one more episode," he murmured, taking his previous seat on the floor.

Notes

today you are gone
i won't forget you yet,
i'll sleep again,
to the one regret i opened my eyes.

on the hunt for a beta. msg for details.

Comments

OH MY GOD THEY WERE SO CLOSE

I love this story!

I aboslutely love this!
daMN I NEED MOoRe
sydnerella sydnerella
7/10/13
I'm so anxious to read more, oh my God :3
Luciferrr Luciferrr
7/9/13