Oh Life
Thirty-six.
Ashley POV:
It felt nice to be cuddling with Alex. It had been so long ago since we'd last done that. Just cuddling, without crying. I still wasn't feeling okay, but I figured that if I didn't want them to send me to therapy I had to try to at least pretend I was okay. I could see he was very surprised with my suggestion of watching a movie together. But he liked it and I did too, actually. His arm was wrapped around me and sometimes he gave me a small kiss on my forehead. When he did, I looked up at him, smiling. And then he returned that smile with a wider smile.
"Ashley, I need to talk to you about something." he suddenly said when the movie had ended. No, no, no, please don't. I'm not going to therapy. Never in my life. With his hand, he lifted my chin so that I was looking at him. "I'm glad you seem to do a little better. You really surprised me tonight." he began. I didn't answer and just waited for him to continue. "And.. I was always scared to talk about it with you but.." he paused for a second, looking for the right words. "The guys and I are thinking about going on tour again." He watched me carefully, afraid of what my reaction would be. When he'd said those words, I didn't know if I'd rather wanted him to ask me to go to therapy. He couldn't leave me. Not like this. I was still a wreck, the only person that was making me feel a little better was him. I felt the tears coming and looked away from him. "Ashley, you need to understand that-" "Oh shut up, Alex!" I blurted out. I had been quiet for the last few months, just drowning in my own grief. But now at this moment, all the anger that had been building up inside me, came to the surface. "I am a fucking wreck! The only thing I do all day long is hoping that I will finally wake up from this terrible nightmare! You are the only person that can still make me feel that little bit better, and now you are going to leave me?! How can you even think about that?!" Tears were streaming down my face now, but I didn't care to wipe them away. "Ashley, I'm sorry that you can't handle this. But it's been fucking more than 3 months! Fucking 3 months, Ashley! I'm still thinking about our baby every fucking day, but at least I picked up my life again! You can't sit in this damn house forever, you need to stop this!" Alex almost never yelled at me, not like this. I'd never seen him this angry before, it almost made me scared. "Maybe you're right, maybe I can't handle this. Maybe you should just send me to a therapist, like everyone else is suggesting!" I was yelling now, too. "Well maybe I should!" he shot back. There was a silence for a minute.
"I just fucking can't do this anymore, Alex!" I yelled, crying. "What the hell are you talking about now?!" I stood up from the couch. "This fucking crazy life of yours! I can't handle it!" "What do you mean?!" he yelled at me. "That I had a miscarriage is one thing, Alex. But that it is all over the internet and in the magazines and the fact that the whole world knows about it is another thing! I want my life back, Alex! Going to that concert with Emily was the biggest mistake in my life. I can't do this anymore. I'm leaving." With those words I ran upstairs to our bedroom and started packing my suitcase. Alex was right behind me. "What are you doing?!" he asked, angry. "I said I'm leaving!" I yelled while stuffing all my clothes in the suitcase. As I ran towards the bathroom to gather my things there, Alex was yelling again. "What the fucking hell, Ashley?! I've done everything for you, I was always there for you! And now because you can't handle things, you're leaving me?!" "That's right, Alex." I snapped as I headed back to the bedroom with all my stuff. "And where the fuck are you going? You don't even have a car!" He was still yelling at me when I managed to close my suitcase. "I'll call a cab!" I said when I dragged the suitcase downstairs. Damn that stupid thing was heavy.
Alex could see I was damn serious about leaving and he calmed down a bit. "Ashley, please.. Let's just talk about this." he begged me. "No, Alex. I have to go. I can't get better if I stay with you. I can never get better if there's always fans coming up to me on the streets asking me how I'm doing. I'm fucking sick of this life and I need my privacy!" I walked towards the front door with my suitcase as he suddenly grabbed me by my wrist. "Do you know how selfish you sound?! You're not fucking leaving me!" His grip on my wrist strengthened. "Alex, fucking let go of me!" I tried to get out of his grip but he was way too strong. He looked at me with dark eyes, filled with anger. "Alex, you're hurting me!" I yelled and he finally let go. I took my suitcase in my other hand and walked towards the front door. When I looked back for the last time, tears were streaming down Alex's face. "Goodbye, Alex." I said and slammed the door shut behind me.
My cab arrived almost immediately. The driver helped me load my suitcase in the trunk and I stepped in the car. "Where to, Miss?" he asked. I wiped away my tears and stared out of the window. "The airport." I mumbled and he started the engine. I saw the big house getting smaller and smaller as we drove further away. It hurt, but I knew it was for the best. I wasn't made for this life.
Maybe Alex and I just weren't made for each other.
Maybe we both changed too much throughout the years.
It felt nice to be cuddling with Alex. It had been so long ago since we'd last done that. Just cuddling, without crying. I still wasn't feeling okay, but I figured that if I didn't want them to send me to therapy I had to try to at least pretend I was okay. I could see he was very surprised with my suggestion of watching a movie together. But he liked it and I did too, actually. His arm was wrapped around me and sometimes he gave me a small kiss on my forehead. When he did, I looked up at him, smiling. And then he returned that smile with a wider smile.
"Ashley, I need to talk to you about something." he suddenly said when the movie had ended. No, no, no, please don't. I'm not going to therapy. Never in my life. With his hand, he lifted my chin so that I was looking at him. "I'm glad you seem to do a little better. You really surprised me tonight." he began. I didn't answer and just waited for him to continue. "And.. I was always scared to talk about it with you but.." he paused for a second, looking for the right words. "The guys and I are thinking about going on tour again." He watched me carefully, afraid of what my reaction would be. When he'd said those words, I didn't know if I'd rather wanted him to ask me to go to therapy. He couldn't leave me. Not like this. I was still a wreck, the only person that was making me feel a little better was him. I felt the tears coming and looked away from him. "Ashley, you need to understand that-" "Oh shut up, Alex!" I blurted out. I had been quiet for the last few months, just drowning in my own grief. But now at this moment, all the anger that had been building up inside me, came to the surface. "I am a fucking wreck! The only thing I do all day long is hoping that I will finally wake up from this terrible nightmare! You are the only person that can still make me feel that little bit better, and now you are going to leave me?! How can you even think about that?!" Tears were streaming down my face now, but I didn't care to wipe them away. "Ashley, I'm sorry that you can't handle this. But it's been fucking more than 3 months! Fucking 3 months, Ashley! I'm still thinking about our baby every fucking day, but at least I picked up my life again! You can't sit in this damn house forever, you need to stop this!" Alex almost never yelled at me, not like this. I'd never seen him this angry before, it almost made me scared. "Maybe you're right, maybe I can't handle this. Maybe you should just send me to a therapist, like everyone else is suggesting!" I was yelling now, too. "Well maybe I should!" he shot back. There was a silence for a minute.
"I just fucking can't do this anymore, Alex!" I yelled, crying. "What the hell are you talking about now?!" I stood up from the couch. "This fucking crazy life of yours! I can't handle it!" "What do you mean?!" he yelled at me. "That I had a miscarriage is one thing, Alex. But that it is all over the internet and in the magazines and the fact that the whole world knows about it is another thing! I want my life back, Alex! Going to that concert with Emily was the biggest mistake in my life. I can't do this anymore. I'm leaving." With those words I ran upstairs to our bedroom and started packing my suitcase. Alex was right behind me. "What are you doing?!" he asked, angry. "I said I'm leaving!" I yelled while stuffing all my clothes in the suitcase. As I ran towards the bathroom to gather my things there, Alex was yelling again. "What the fucking hell, Ashley?! I've done everything for you, I was always there for you! And now because you can't handle things, you're leaving me?!" "That's right, Alex." I snapped as I headed back to the bedroom with all my stuff. "And where the fuck are you going? You don't even have a car!" He was still yelling at me when I managed to close my suitcase. "I'll call a cab!" I said when I dragged the suitcase downstairs. Damn that stupid thing was heavy.
Alex could see I was damn serious about leaving and he calmed down a bit. "Ashley, please.. Let's just talk about this." he begged me. "No, Alex. I have to go. I can't get better if I stay with you. I can never get better if there's always fans coming up to me on the streets asking me how I'm doing. I'm fucking sick of this life and I need my privacy!" I walked towards the front door with my suitcase as he suddenly grabbed me by my wrist. "Do you know how selfish you sound?! You're not fucking leaving me!" His grip on my wrist strengthened. "Alex, fucking let go of me!" I tried to get out of his grip but he was way too strong. He looked at me with dark eyes, filled with anger. "Alex, you're hurting me!" I yelled and he finally let go. I took my suitcase in my other hand and walked towards the front door. When I looked back for the last time, tears were streaming down Alex's face. "Goodbye, Alex." I said and slammed the door shut behind me.
My cab arrived almost immediately. The driver helped me load my suitcase in the trunk and I stepped in the car. "Where to, Miss?" he asked. I wiped away my tears and stared out of the window. "The airport." I mumbled and he started the engine. I saw the big house getting smaller and smaller as we drove further away. It hurt, but I knew it was for the best. I wasn't made for this life.
Maybe Alex and I just weren't made for each other.
Maybe we both changed too much throughout the years.
Notes
Last chapter.Thank you all for reading this story and making me happy with lovely comments.
I LOVE EACH ONE OF YOU GUYS!
&There will be a sequel!
I'll post the link as soon as I post the first chapter.
I couldn't let it end like that haha, first chapter will be posted tonight :)
10/22/13