Princess
Black Hole
Arianna's POV
It's a few weeks after that fateful day when all my darkest secrets were spilled. Rian and I are safe in a new apartment, and with both of us working it's going fine. Well, that aspect of my life anyway. That and the band are the only things keeping me afloat right now. I've gone a whole 3 weeks without cutting, and it's good. At least I think it is.
The band is going extremely well. We work together excellently, and we've already started writing some of our own music.
But I'm not happy. I know it's because I have depression and it's a serious issue. Yeah, whatever. Taking away cutting hasn't been good for my mental stability, that's for sure. And jesus, was I really ever one of the popular kids at this school? They're awful. The things they say and threaten to do scare the hell out of me.
After one particularly hard day, I go out and sit on the steps of the school. It's too much. I pull out a paper and start writing my goodbyes. I save Alex for last. I still haven't had the guts to tell him how I feel, so I guess it'll be here. When I'm done, there are tears in my eyes. It reads:
Alex,
I know I haven't known you for too long, but I really care about you. You've dealt with a lot of crap in your life, that I know you don't deserve. The strength you have is incredible.
Behind that, you're an amazing musician. One of your first nights here, I had my window cracked and I could hear you. Your voice was wonderful, and you sang me to sleep. It was beautiful. Being in a band with you was one of the greatest experiences of my life.
I'm sorry I have to do this, but I really can't take it anymore. This depression I've gotten into is a black hole, Alex. There's no way out and I can't even see where I fell in. I feel like my whole life is just getting sucked away, and I can't bear for the people I care about like you to have to deal with it. So I'm leaving.
There's one thing you have to know, though. I love you. I fell for you, hard. But I never deserved you. Still, I thought you deserved to know.
Goodbye with love, Arianna.
I heard footsteps behind me and quickly went to shove the letters in my bag, but I didn't get to it fast enough, Someone grabbed my arms roughly and pulled me up and away from my stuff. My letters were picked up and easily torn, except for the one to Alex. The boy, Evan, had once been someone I considered a friend. In fact, I used him to intimidate Alex in Mr. Colins' class. Funny how things change. After he was done with my other letters, he opened the one to Alex, read it, and mocked a tear.
"Awww, Ari. Leaving such a cute suicide note for your boyfriend. Too bad he'll never read it." And he ripped it up, letting the pieces fall on me. I couldn't help it, I cried.
"Oh don't cry sweetheart, we haven't even hurt you yet. Don't worry, you don't need suicide notes anyway. Because we're going to kill you."
That's when I saw it. The knife, that I immediately recongized as my fate. I didn't even flinch when he started carving into my arms.
"Huh. I guess it's true that you cut yourself before. Oh well. I'll just have to do a better job." And with that, he suddenly stuck the knife into my stomach and twisted, dragging it around as the boy behind me let go. With a few kicks to the ribs and head, they were gone.
There I was, laying on the school steps, already gone.
It's a few weeks after that fateful day when all my darkest secrets were spilled. Rian and I are safe in a new apartment, and with both of us working it's going fine. Well, that aspect of my life anyway. That and the band are the only things keeping me afloat right now. I've gone a whole 3 weeks without cutting, and it's good. At least I think it is.
The band is going extremely well. We work together excellently, and we've already started writing some of our own music.
But I'm not happy. I know it's because I have depression and it's a serious issue. Yeah, whatever. Taking away cutting hasn't been good for my mental stability, that's for sure. And jesus, was I really ever one of the popular kids at this school? They're awful. The things they say and threaten to do scare the hell out of me.
After one particularly hard day, I go out and sit on the steps of the school. It's too much. I pull out a paper and start writing my goodbyes. I save Alex for last. I still haven't had the guts to tell him how I feel, so I guess it'll be here. When I'm done, there are tears in my eyes. It reads:
Alex,
I know I haven't known you for too long, but I really care about you. You've dealt with a lot of crap in your life, that I know you don't deserve. The strength you have is incredible.
Behind that, you're an amazing musician. One of your first nights here, I had my window cracked and I could hear you. Your voice was wonderful, and you sang me to sleep. It was beautiful. Being in a band with you was one of the greatest experiences of my life.
I'm sorry I have to do this, but I really can't take it anymore. This depression I've gotten into is a black hole, Alex. There's no way out and I can't even see where I fell in. I feel like my whole life is just getting sucked away, and I can't bear for the people I care about like you to have to deal with it. So I'm leaving.
There's one thing you have to know, though. I love you. I fell for you, hard. But I never deserved you. Still, I thought you deserved to know.
Goodbye with love, Arianna.
I heard footsteps behind me and quickly went to shove the letters in my bag, but I didn't get to it fast enough, Someone grabbed my arms roughly and pulled me up and away from my stuff. My letters were picked up and easily torn, except for the one to Alex. The boy, Evan, had once been someone I considered a friend. In fact, I used him to intimidate Alex in Mr. Colins' class. Funny how things change. After he was done with my other letters, he opened the one to Alex, read it, and mocked a tear.
"Awww, Ari. Leaving such a cute suicide note for your boyfriend. Too bad he'll never read it." And he ripped it up, letting the pieces fall on me. I couldn't help it, I cried.
"Oh don't cry sweetheart, we haven't even hurt you yet. Don't worry, you don't need suicide notes anyway. Because we're going to kill you."
That's when I saw it. The knife, that I immediately recongized as my fate. I didn't even flinch when he started carving into my arms.
"Huh. I guess it's true that you cut yourself before. Oh well. I'll just have to do a better job." And with that, he suddenly stuck the knife into my stomach and twisted, dragging it around as the boy behind me let go. With a few kicks to the ribs and head, they were gone.
There I was, laying on the school steps, already gone.
Ah thank you so much! <3 You are amazing.
4/21/13