You Felt It Once Before

My nerves were shot as I stepped through the glass door, hearing the ding of the bell the informed everyone that someone new had just entered the shop. No one was looking at me, but I still felt like their eyes were burning holes in my face. Was it wrong, after all this time, after all the Hell I'd put myself through, to throw it all away just to see his face again? It didn't matter how many times I replayed his words in my head, telling me that I was the one, that everyone else was a replacement for me, I still felt like Alex was a lair. I couldn't shake the thought that he was treating me the way I had treated just, but I suppose that was just the fear of having him back in my life after all these years. The funny thing was, having a casual cup of coffee couldn't be considered friendship.

My work shoes clicked against the tile as I made my way to the back of the shop, hoping that through the dim lights and abstract art, Alex would be able to find me. I needed to be as far away from the windows as possible. For one, I didn't need fans coming in and screwing this up before it even began; secondly, I didn't want the outside world to distract me from Alex as it had before.

The chair squeaked against the floor as I pulled it out, making a waitress from across the small shop smile at me and head in my direction. I had finished the coffee Char gave me on the way over, I wasn't really in the mood for another cup but I knew having one would make Alex stay longer.

"Welcome to Joe's, what can I get ya?"

"Iced French Vanilla coffee, please."

"Coming right up."

She stepped away from the table, only to reveal a tall, blonde hair man standing right behind her. He smirked that same, crooked smirk that always made me melt. My heart was attempting to thud right out of my chest as he pulled his seat out the same way that I had, only he sat with more confidence, his hands resting on the cold metal in front of him, his eyes never leaving my own.

"What? Did you think I wouldn't show?"

"A little," I admitted, pushing a blonde strand away from my face. "This is just so weird. I honestly thought that after the way you ran off stage, I'd never get to tell you how I feel.."

"I think you told the entire room how you feel," Alex smirked, tapping his fingers on the table. "Probably not the smartest thing to do."

I found myself feeling angry at the perfect being in front of me. That cocky smirk and those deep chocolate eyes, they almost seemed to taunt me. How dare he poke fun at my feelings, even after all this time. All the things he said to me that night, were they just for show? Had I been turned into the toy that Jack Barakat had once been?

"I don't find it very funny," I finally spoke. "Sure, my timing was wrong, but I meant what I said."

"I know you did. That's why I'm here."

"Why? So you can find more humor in my pain?"

"Quit playing the victim, Jenna," Alex snorted, leaning back against his seat. His fingers had found an empty straw warpper, which he was now tearing to bits. "Jack was the victim of that entire mess. You got what you wanted. He got the truth, Lisa got left and you got me. You threw all that away, remember?"

"I told you, Alex," I hissed, my eyes narrowing on him. I could almost feel the waitress's eyes on us, debating on whether or not she really wanted to bring us our drinks. I could only imagine she did feel tense being around us. Alex, so cocky and cool, while I was on the verge of tears, angry and hurt. Regardless, the small woman still sat our drinks down. She tossed some extra straws on the table and quickly dismissed herself from our part of the shop. I watched as Alex eyed her behind, my blood boiling. "I left so that you and Jack could fix things. It wasn't right, the way we did everything. Look at you now, famous and happy. I made the right choice - Are you even paying attention to me or is her ass just that fabulous?"

"That," Alex pointed at her rear end before she rounded a corner, his smirk growing wider as he looked at me. "Is a fantastic ass. But yes, Jenna, I am listening to you. You felt bad, you bailed, blah-blah-blah."

"Really? If you're just going to be a jerk I don't even know why you bothered to call me."

"I haven't been able to put my finger on it until now."

"What's that?"

He srhugged, beating his straw out of its wrapper and pushing the tube down into his iced drink. I assumed he ordered this before he even came to my table. He swirled the tube around, making some of the mocha beverage splash on the table, while the ice loudly smacked against the cup.

"You lost your spark, Jenna. I thought I saw it the other night at the venue, but I was wrong. There was time when you'd fight for what you wanted. Even if you knew it was wrong, but it felt right, you'd say screw it and jump right in. Now you pour yourself into your job and you hide out with your one and only friend, hoping that some sweet day, someone else will give you the same passion and motivation that I did."

"Don't you do that," I breathed, my face turning red and my lungs losing air. I would not let myself cry in front of him. After all this time, he didn't deserve that. I help my composure, trying to find words that would express how I felt. "Don't you sit there and act like you know my life, like you still know who I am. I was a stupid kid, I made a stupid mistake and I let my stupid heart fall in love with a jackass. After all this time, all the shit I've gone through trying to erase the memory of you from my mind, I'm still here. I'm sitting right in front of you, doing just fine in my lonesome life, telling you that I still love you. If you think that means I've lost my spark or I'm less of a person because I still feel guilty about what we did, so be it."

I hadn't inteded to leave, but before my mind could comprehend what was happening, I was tossing a few bucks down on the table, throwing my purse over my shoulder and storming off towards the door with my fresh drink in hand. I had almost reached the handle when I felt a strong pair of arms wrap around my shoulder. My body was shoved up against the glass of a window and he towered over me, the same look in his eyes that he had on New Year's Eve, so many years ago.

"You're not getting away again," he whispered, his hot breath trailing along my ear. "Don't even think about it."

It only took one moment for all those feelings, the ones that were much stronger than just love, to return to my body. My knees had grown weak, my eyes stared at his lips, I need him; and I needed him now. Alex seemed to catch on, feeling the same emotions he once had as well. In one short moment, he grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled my face towards his own, our lips crashing like waves in a rough sea. With my free hand, I wrapped my fingers around the back of his neck, begging him to kiss me deeper, and he would have, had it not been for the waitress clearing her throat.

"You, uhm, you can't do that here..."

Alex broke away from me, breathless and irritated. He glaced at the waitress like he was ready to kill her, but I was so desperate for his lips, I paid no mind to her. I spun his face back around and kissed him again, grabbing ahold of his hand and tugging him to the door.

"My apartment isn't very far."

"Let's go."

You felt it once before, I know you did, I could see it.

Notes