I Caught Myself
Bitter
I frowned when I noticed there was no room to sit on Rian’s lounge; everyone had practically crashed when we arrived back at Rian’s house after an exhausting day at the beach. It was almost as if our energy was soaked from our bodies and drifted out to the deep ocean with each wave’s retreat. We were all cursed with fatigue and vicious hunger pangs. Pizza was ordered the minute we set foot through the front door followed by our drained bodies gravitating to the lounges. Knowing there was no room for me to squeeze between Zack, Ben or Jack I opted for the easy option and made myself comfy stretching myself out on the length of the lounge laying across of them. The boys squirmed, Zack and Jack couldn’t muster the energy to fight me off of them though Ben found a quicker, effortless way to get rid of me, poking my sides harshly to the point where it didn’t tickle but actually hurt me.
“Ouchh, that hurt” I cried.
I could tell Ben was real sorry and really cared when he proceeded to poke me yet again.
“Ben, stop it!” I demanded.
“Just get off, Cassie.” he said in full seriousness.
“What is your problem lately?!” I found myself growing irritable and impatient with Ben more frequently with his mood swings. Ben and I had never had any troubles before, we always got along well; in fact there was one stage where Ben was an easy going and light hearted guy that used to be best friends with Zack, and I. The three of us used to hang out constantly before I introduced Jess to Ben and she weaved her way into the picture changing the dynamics of everything. Ever since Ben and Jess started dating he immersed himself in an intensity and secluded himself from Zack and I ever so slightly which bummed me out seen as he used to be a really fun guy.
“My problem?” he cocked up his eyebrow looking at me as if I was speaking another language, “You. You’re so friggin annoying lately, Cassie.”
I sighed in defeat not knowing what I had done to upset Ben and deserve such shitty treatment. I was too tired to keep caring what he thought about me because if Ben was planning on making his latest aggressive and brash behaviour a permanent fixture then I wanted out now. Showing my withdrawal from this battle I seemed to have with Ben commonly, I silently stood up as I did so the doorbell rang. I expected it to be the pizza delivery so I answered the door which revealed the delivery guy with our pizzas; I gave him a weak smile. I exchanged money for the pizzas, Zack appearing by my side to carry the pizzas to the kitchen.
“You alright?” Zack asked quietly with concern placing his right hand on my shoulder while he balanced the pizzas easily with his left hand.
“I’m fine, I promise” I assured sincerely because truth be told, I was alright- I stopped caring and taking the attacks personal- disappointment was the only negative surging through me. The possibility of losing a friend all because of ‘Jekyll and Hyde’ syndrome made me miserable but I knew if I stuck around any longer things would end bitter so tonight I vowed to keep a short distance from Ben. If I waited patiently and gave him enough space maybe he would realise how destructive his mood swings really were.
A peaceful silence filled the air on the car ride home from Rian’s place; Zack and I were consumed in our thoughts as well as extremely tired. Zack eventually broke the silence,
“Don’t take this the wrong way," he hesitated before adding “…because I don’t mean to accuse you of anything but I’m just asking, did you happen to say or do something to make Ben this upset?”
I turned my head to look at Zack; his eyes were focused on the road though I knew he was waiting for an answer patiently.
“No.” I breathed, feeling hopeless not knowing why Ben was so bitter towards me.
Zack frowned before murmuring to himself, “This isn’t like Ben” his voice was so low it was almost inaudible.
Zack was right, Ben wasn’t himself.
“Do you wanna spend the night at mine?” pleading evident in my voice. I needed company tonight because I refused to keep beating myself up for making Ben upset when I wasn’t even sure if I deserved his shit talking in the first place.
“Alright” he agreed, this usually happened during summer, Zack and I would practically live together spending days and nights on end with each other. The only difference between those nights and tonight was I needed for Zack to stay with me for company because I felt lonely tonight, a feeling I despised. I rested my head gently against the side of the seat as my eyes wander out the window even though my thoughts were miles away. It wasn’t long until Zack had pulled into my driveway yet I wasn’t aware as my thoughts riveted me and kidnapped my mind from the present. Zack opened the passenger door waiting for me to surface back to reality, his intriguing hazel eyes watching me intently. I got out of the car speechless while Zack slammed the car door shut then locked it. Instantly Zack comforted me by simply lacing our hands together as we walked to my front door, I reached for my keys and unlocked the door revealing an empty house. My parents and Max had gone to visit my grandparents though I declined complaining it was my last summer with my friends all together, luckily they found the excuse valid and made me promise to make it up to my grandparents.
I was so tired I felt like I was climbing upstairs to my bedroom hearing Zack’s footsteps follow behind. immediately I crashed on my bed extremely worn out, my whole body throbbed and my slight sunburn radiated an uncomfortable heat. The mattress sunk when Zack’s body fell on the bed next to mine, he pulled me closer to his side and I curled up to him burying my face in his chest. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the rise and fall of Zack’s breathing which calmed me into a serene slumber, Zack shut his eyes soon following after me.
I awoke to the sound of my phone buzzing, I dismissed it, thinking it was just a message, shutting my eyes again to fall back asleep though the buzz continued. I checked to see if Zack was now awake but he remained deep asleep so I slowly tried to weave my way out of his arms and roll out of bed without disturbing him. I was successful in both avoiding waking Zack and reaching my phone before the call disconnected, Jess’ name was written across my screen. My eyebrows rose in surprise as I was unsure why she would be calling, I didn’t respond and aggravate Ben any further after he claimed I was annoying him last night so she couldn’t have been ringing to abuse me surely… I answered before she hung up,
“Hello” I answered quietly before creeping quietly downstairs to the kitchen.
“Hey Cass,” Jess sounded pretty down, she sighed, “I just wanted to call you to apologise about Ben last night.”
“Oh” was all I could manage.
“ He’s just obviously going through some tough times and he is taking it out on everyone else. He won’t talk to me about it and if it helps you feel better we’ve been on the rocks because he’s been acting weird around me too.” she fell silent.
Jess always relied on relationship advice from me, why she picked me I’m not sure seen as I’ve never had a solid relationship before. Izzy would have been way better at giving guidance then me, I’ve told Jess that several times but she always comes back to me so I guess I’m doing something right?
“That sucks” I sympathised, “He’ll come around soon enough, Jess” I tried to comfort her.
“Mm yeah I suppose. Anyway that’s not why I called, just checking you were okay?” she diverted the conversation to avoid further prying about her relationship troubles.
“Yeah, of course. It’s just Ben being grumpy!” I tried to reassure with a fake laugh, even though truly he pissed me off.
“Alright, well I’ll catch you later" she hung up.
I shut my phone placing it on the counter in shock, Jess and Ben barely fought- at least not seriously like this. I’d never heard Jess so miserable nor have her hide details or secrets about their relationship before. They were a strong couple and over their three and a half years of dating never had I seen them as distraught as this. As I prepared coffee and breakfast for Zack and myself I formed a frown in confusion, what was going on?
“Ouchh, that hurt” I cried.
I could tell Ben was real sorry and really cared when he proceeded to poke me yet again.
“Ben, stop it!” I demanded.
“Just get off, Cassie.” he said in full seriousness.
“What is your problem lately?!” I found myself growing irritable and impatient with Ben more frequently with his mood swings. Ben and I had never had any troubles before, we always got along well; in fact there was one stage where Ben was an easy going and light hearted guy that used to be best friends with Zack, and I. The three of us used to hang out constantly before I introduced Jess to Ben and she weaved her way into the picture changing the dynamics of everything. Ever since Ben and Jess started dating he immersed himself in an intensity and secluded himself from Zack and I ever so slightly which bummed me out seen as he used to be a really fun guy.
“My problem?” he cocked up his eyebrow looking at me as if I was speaking another language, “You. You’re so friggin annoying lately, Cassie.”
I sighed in defeat not knowing what I had done to upset Ben and deserve such shitty treatment. I was too tired to keep caring what he thought about me because if Ben was planning on making his latest aggressive and brash behaviour a permanent fixture then I wanted out now. Showing my withdrawal from this battle I seemed to have with Ben commonly, I silently stood up as I did so the doorbell rang. I expected it to be the pizza delivery so I answered the door which revealed the delivery guy with our pizzas; I gave him a weak smile. I exchanged money for the pizzas, Zack appearing by my side to carry the pizzas to the kitchen.
“You alright?” Zack asked quietly with concern placing his right hand on my shoulder while he balanced the pizzas easily with his left hand.
“I’m fine, I promise” I assured sincerely because truth be told, I was alright- I stopped caring and taking the attacks personal- disappointment was the only negative surging through me. The possibility of losing a friend all because of ‘Jekyll and Hyde’ syndrome made me miserable but I knew if I stuck around any longer things would end bitter so tonight I vowed to keep a short distance from Ben. If I waited patiently and gave him enough space maybe he would realise how destructive his mood swings really were.
A peaceful silence filled the air on the car ride home from Rian’s place; Zack and I were consumed in our thoughts as well as extremely tired. Zack eventually broke the silence,
“Don’t take this the wrong way," he hesitated before adding “…because I don’t mean to accuse you of anything but I’m just asking, did you happen to say or do something to make Ben this upset?”
I turned my head to look at Zack; his eyes were focused on the road though I knew he was waiting for an answer patiently.
“No.” I breathed, feeling hopeless not knowing why Ben was so bitter towards me.
Zack frowned before murmuring to himself, “This isn’t like Ben” his voice was so low it was almost inaudible.
Zack was right, Ben wasn’t himself.
“Do you wanna spend the night at mine?” pleading evident in my voice. I needed company tonight because I refused to keep beating myself up for making Ben upset when I wasn’t even sure if I deserved his shit talking in the first place.
“Alright” he agreed, this usually happened during summer, Zack and I would practically live together spending days and nights on end with each other. The only difference between those nights and tonight was I needed for Zack to stay with me for company because I felt lonely tonight, a feeling I despised. I rested my head gently against the side of the seat as my eyes wander out the window even though my thoughts were miles away. It wasn’t long until Zack had pulled into my driveway yet I wasn’t aware as my thoughts riveted me and kidnapped my mind from the present. Zack opened the passenger door waiting for me to surface back to reality, his intriguing hazel eyes watching me intently. I got out of the car speechless while Zack slammed the car door shut then locked it. Instantly Zack comforted me by simply lacing our hands together as we walked to my front door, I reached for my keys and unlocked the door revealing an empty house. My parents and Max had gone to visit my grandparents though I declined complaining it was my last summer with my friends all together, luckily they found the excuse valid and made me promise to make it up to my grandparents.
I was so tired I felt like I was climbing upstairs to my bedroom hearing Zack’s footsteps follow behind. immediately I crashed on my bed extremely worn out, my whole body throbbed and my slight sunburn radiated an uncomfortable heat. The mattress sunk when Zack’s body fell on the bed next to mine, he pulled me closer to his side and I curled up to him burying my face in his chest. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the rise and fall of Zack’s breathing which calmed me into a serene slumber, Zack shut his eyes soon following after me.
I awoke to the sound of my phone buzzing, I dismissed it, thinking it was just a message, shutting my eyes again to fall back asleep though the buzz continued. I checked to see if Zack was now awake but he remained deep asleep so I slowly tried to weave my way out of his arms and roll out of bed without disturbing him. I was successful in both avoiding waking Zack and reaching my phone before the call disconnected, Jess’ name was written across my screen. My eyebrows rose in surprise as I was unsure why she would be calling, I didn’t respond and aggravate Ben any further after he claimed I was annoying him last night so she couldn’t have been ringing to abuse me surely… I answered before she hung up,
“Hello” I answered quietly before creeping quietly downstairs to the kitchen.
“Hey Cass,” Jess sounded pretty down, she sighed, “I just wanted to call you to apologise about Ben last night.”
“Oh” was all I could manage.
“ He’s just obviously going through some tough times and he is taking it out on everyone else. He won’t talk to me about it and if it helps you feel better we’ve been on the rocks because he’s been acting weird around me too.” she fell silent.
Jess always relied on relationship advice from me, why she picked me I’m not sure seen as I’ve never had a solid relationship before. Izzy would have been way better at giving guidance then me, I’ve told Jess that several times but she always comes back to me so I guess I’m doing something right?
“That sucks” I sympathised, “He’ll come around soon enough, Jess” I tried to comfort her.
“Mm yeah I suppose. Anyway that’s not why I called, just checking you were okay?” she diverted the conversation to avoid further prying about her relationship troubles.
“Yeah, of course. It’s just Ben being grumpy!” I tried to reassure with a fake laugh, even though truly he pissed me off.
“Alright, well I’ll catch you later" she hung up.
I shut my phone placing it on the counter in shock, Jess and Ben barely fought- at least not seriously like this. I’d never heard Jess so miserable nor have her hide details or secrets about their relationship before. They were a strong couple and over their three and a half years of dating never had I seen them as distraught as this. As I prepared coffee and breakfast for Zack and myself I formed a frown in confusion, what was going on?
12/17/12