Roots Before Branches
One
Today was Friday and I absolutely hated it. Not because I had load up my two year old son, Jacob Simon Dawson - well we called him Jake, and drive 10 minutes south to his dad's to drop him off. It wasn't because I had to see Rian, it was because I had to stay in my tiny, seventh floor 3 bedroom apartment by myself. Three years ago, me and Rian had rented this place because it was close to both his and my parents. You drove five minutes north, you were at my old house and if you drove five minutes south, you were at his old house. Rian's mom and stepdad's house was a bittersweet place for me. Rians room was up the stairs, down the hall, and to the left. It had dark blue walls that were mostly covered by posters, his bed was unusually neat, and there were hardly ever clothes on his floor. I had spent four summers in the basement of that house listening to All Time Low practice, the next four were spent on Warped Tour. We'd been dating since 8th grade, everything was bittersweet. On the walls of this apartment, though, were the memories we'd made since we were barely 20. Family pictures, pregnancy pictures, pictures it'd taken of Jake the day we brought him home. Jake's first steps, his first birthday, the first time Rian heard him say "Daddy", my college diploma along with both me and a Rian's senior yearbook photos and quotes. Six months ago, that had all changed. Jake was suddenly being shipped between parents twice a week, all because of a fight about something stupid. I was still in love with Rian, and he had made it very clear that he felt the same about me. But the schedule of a Rockstar left little room for us to make up, and now I'm shuffling around the apartment with Jake taking a nap while I pack his bags.
"We'll talk about how your parents separated and how you don't want to make the same mistakes as them"
"Hello?" I said. I knew it was Rian, besides my mother and Tori, he was the only one who ever called me.
"Emily?" he said. "I have to go to the venue because Alex fucked something up for tonight, I'm just going to swing by and pick up Jake, is that alright?"
"Uh, yeah." I said, glancing at my toddler who sleep silently on my couch, with Thomas the Tank Engine still running on the tv.
"Has he taken a nap today?" he asked.
"Yeah, uh, like 3. I think he's getting a cold. I've packed some medicine in here for him. He's just really tired and sick. Poor baby." I said. "Come on over though, he should be waking up soon." Rian finally agreed and I hung up and set my phone down on the table. I went over to the couch and picked up Jake, who started fussing immediately.
"Hey now Buddy, Daddy's on his way over." I said. He started to cry harder and I sighed. I felt bad for him, because he felt so bad. I walked into his room and grabbed he quilt that Tori's grandma had made him and carried him back to the living room before gently setting him down on the couch to give him medicine. I had just picked him back up when Rian came in the front door with a smile on his face, although it disappeared as soon as he saw Jake.
"Did you take him to the doctor?" He said. I nodded.
"He said it's a bad cold and I can only treat the symptoms. He's pretty miserable, though, he might feel better when the medicine kicks in, or he might go back to sleep." I said. "My bets are on the later of the two." Rian carefully lifted the toddler from me and wrapped his blanket around him.
"Do you want to go to see Uncle Jack and Uncle Alex?" he asked. Jake shook his head no and laid it back down on Rians shoulder.
"Bad" He mumbled, already half-asleep.
"How about we go see what Uncle Alex did then we go see Nana?" Rian asked. Jake didn't answer him so I figured he'd probably already fallen back asleep. Rian gave me a smile before I opened the door for him.
"Hey Emily." he said, turning around to face me. "You know that if you ever need anything, and I mean anything at all, you can call me, right? Just because we're not together anymore, doesn't mean I don't love you." I smiled and nodded.
"Have a good time Rian." I said. "Tell the guys and Tori I said hi." He nodded as he slowly walked towards the elevator and I slowly watched my life leave me.
According to Rian, Jake was feeling better by bedtime and went to sleep instantly. I smiled into the blackness of my room as I laid with my iPhone pressed to my ear listening to Rian ramble on about the show and awesome the crowd was. It was like he was on tour again and I was at home, pregnant and almost asleep when he would call me. Except this time I wasn't pregnant.
"That's awesome Ri, but I need to sleep. Being a stay-at-home mom is hard with a two year old." I told him. I could almost hear him frown.
"Fine." he said. "Hey, Emily?"
"What Rian?" I said.
"How uh, how regular has "that" been going?" he said. I almost choked on my spit. Leave it to Rian to be concerned if I got my period every month.
"Uh, pretty regular I guess?" I said. "Why?" On the other line, I heard Rian sigh softly and mumble something like "Don't hate me"
"We were normally safe after Jake was born, Em. It's just six months before the fight, the condom broke and I just wanted to make sure you were ok, like, that nothing really happened from it. Not that I wouldn't love to have another baby with you Emily, it's just we are so young and I know we've made mistakes and I'll never get these three months back again but" he trailed off
"Rian, it's fine." I said.
"Tori and Alex are going to take Jake to the zoo tomorrow, can we meet up and talk this out?" he said.
"We can talk, yeah. Meet me at that diner where we used to go all the time." I said. He agreed and I finally convinced him to let me sleep. Let me tell you, I really hated to end that phone call and I fell asleep with a smile on my face..
"We'll talk about how your parents separated and how you don't want to make the same mistakes as them"
"Hello?" I said. I knew it was Rian, besides my mother and Tori, he was the only one who ever called me.
"Emily?" he said. "I have to go to the venue because Alex fucked something up for tonight, I'm just going to swing by and pick up Jake, is that alright?"
"Uh, yeah." I said, glancing at my toddler who sleep silently on my couch, with Thomas the Tank Engine still running on the tv.
"Has he taken a nap today?" he asked.
"Yeah, uh, like 3. I think he's getting a cold. I've packed some medicine in here for him. He's just really tired and sick. Poor baby." I said. "Come on over though, he should be waking up soon." Rian finally agreed and I hung up and set my phone down on the table. I went over to the couch and picked up Jake, who started fussing immediately.
"Hey now Buddy, Daddy's on his way over." I said. He started to cry harder and I sighed. I felt bad for him, because he felt so bad. I walked into his room and grabbed he quilt that Tori's grandma had made him and carried him back to the living room before gently setting him down on the couch to give him medicine. I had just picked him back up when Rian came in the front door with a smile on his face, although it disappeared as soon as he saw Jake.
"Did you take him to the doctor?" He said. I nodded.
"He said it's a bad cold and I can only treat the symptoms. He's pretty miserable, though, he might feel better when the medicine kicks in, or he might go back to sleep." I said. "My bets are on the later of the two." Rian carefully lifted the toddler from me and wrapped his blanket around him.
"Do you want to go to see Uncle Jack and Uncle Alex?" he asked. Jake shook his head no and laid it back down on Rians shoulder.
"Bad" He mumbled, already half-asleep.
"How about we go see what Uncle Alex did then we go see Nana?" Rian asked. Jake didn't answer him so I figured he'd probably already fallen back asleep. Rian gave me a smile before I opened the door for him.
"Hey Emily." he said, turning around to face me. "You know that if you ever need anything, and I mean anything at all, you can call me, right? Just because we're not together anymore, doesn't mean I don't love you." I smiled and nodded.
"Have a good time Rian." I said. "Tell the guys and Tori I said hi." He nodded as he slowly walked towards the elevator and I slowly watched my life leave me.
According to Rian, Jake was feeling better by bedtime and went to sleep instantly. I smiled into the blackness of my room as I laid with my iPhone pressed to my ear listening to Rian ramble on about the show and awesome the crowd was. It was like he was on tour again and I was at home, pregnant and almost asleep when he would call me. Except this time I wasn't pregnant.
"That's awesome Ri, but I need to sleep. Being a stay-at-home mom is hard with a two year old." I told him. I could almost hear him frown.
"Fine." he said. "Hey, Emily?"
"What Rian?" I said.
"How uh, how regular has "that" been going?" he said. I almost choked on my spit. Leave it to Rian to be concerned if I got my period every month.
"Uh, pretty regular I guess?" I said. "Why?" On the other line, I heard Rian sigh softly and mumble something like "Don't hate me"
"We were normally safe after Jake was born, Em. It's just six months before the fight, the condom broke and I just wanted to make sure you were ok, like, that nothing really happened from it. Not that I wouldn't love to have another baby with you Emily, it's just we are so young and I know we've made mistakes and I'll never get these three months back again but" he trailed off
"Rian, it's fine." I said.
"Tori and Alex are going to take Jake to the zoo tomorrow, can we meet up and talk this out?" he said.
"We can talk, yeah. Meet me at that diner where we used to go all the time." I said. He agreed and I finally convinced him to let me sleep. Let me tell you, I really hated to end that phone call and I fell asleep with a smile on my face..
12/14/12