*Flashback*

Alex’s Perspective

"Thanks. We'll be there." I grinned and hung up. All Time Low had just booked their first real gig. Our only other gigs have been at my old friend Jessie’s birthday party and at a few lame churches, so this was huge.

"Mom! Brian!" I yelled. My mom ran in and Brian followed slowly.

"What, honey?" my mom asked.

"There’s been a last-minute cancellation. All Time Low just booked their first gig!" I told them happily.

"That's great, honey!" my mom cried, hugging me.

"Yeah. Great job, sport." Brian said suddenly.

"Thanks." I mumbled.

Since it was last-minute, the gig was tonight. We weren't anywhere close to being a signed band, but booking a small gig in a club was more than any of us had hoped for at this point. My mom walked off to make dinner, leaving me to face Brian.

"Thanks a lot, asshole." he mumbled, bumping past me.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's your issue, man?" I asked, blocking him with my body, despite him towering over me at 6'6 with huge biceps.

"Like you don't know, dumbass." he snapped.

"Yeah, I don't know." I growled.

"Damn it! You always steal the attention from me!" he yelled.

"You get enough with your little problems!” I yelled back. I regretted it as soon as I said it. Brian was majorly depressed. He’d been in the hospital multiple times for it and was on medication. Which he’d abused and mixed with booze. In short, he wasn’t doing very well. And he hated that I could hold it against him.

“You bring that up again and I’ll fucking kill you, you piece of shit.” Brian snarled.

He threw his empty bottle of beer at the deck door behind him, breaking the glass. I ducked, so I wouldn’t get hit with any shards. He stormed out of the front door as I knelt down to clean up the glass.


--

"You nervous?" Jack asked me from backstage.

"Not at all." I smirked.

"Fuck, I am." Jack replied.

"Maybe getting laid tonight will make you feel better." I suggested.

"Think Augustwould do the honors?" he asked.

"Hell no! She doesn't like your hair!" I laughed.

"She said she did!" he whined.

"It's all a lie." I told him solemnly.

"If you two ladies are done, we need to go on." Zack told us.

Jack walked up to Zack and stood rigid in his face. Jack saluted and marched off to get his black guitar. I coughed fakely.

"I think I'm sick! Go on without me!" I choked, making my voice hoarse.

"Very funny. Go!" Zack said, kicking me in the butt.

"Yes, Mother." I grumbled. I walked onstage.

"Hey, all you Baltimorons! This is our very first gig, so you better be fucking nice to us!" I yelled into my mike.

"And give it up for my sweet tits!" Jack said into his.

"Hey! I'll do the talking here!" I yelled.

"Playing hard-to-get is attractive, but we all know you want me!" Jack yelled.

"I do. I really do. Anyway, we've got some sick shit cooked up, so get ready!" I yelled and we started the set. Brian approached me after the show.

"For the first time, you have made me proud to be your big bro." he grinned, high-fiving me.

"Thanks, man." I replied.

"How about you and I go see how the drinks are at this place?" Brian asked.

"Sure, totally." I replied, even though I was only fifteen, and we went over. We drank a lot, but not enough to get totally drunk.
--
We went to Jack’s house in the van for an after-party. Matt drove since he was a few years older and could legally drive.

“Fuck, my phone’s dead.” I said.

“Just like your love life.” August mocked.

“Hey, slut. Keep your mouth shut.” I snapped playfully, ruffling her dirty blonde hair.

“Rude!” she replied.
--
Of course, the so-called “after-party” was super lame. No one thought to bring booze and it was hard to go out and get any, so we just drank Capri Suns and ate Doritos.

“Wouldn’t it suck if you woke up as a baby and your whole life was a dream?” Jack asked.

“What the fuck, asshole.” August replied, blowing up her Capri Sun pouch like a balloon.

“I’m with August, dude. I don’t know where the fuck you come up with this shit.” I told him, throwing my inflated Capri Sun pouch at Rian, who glared at me.

“Or why he comes up with them.” August added.

--

I came home late, but all the lights were still on. Shit.

I walked in and my mom came running to me.

“Ma, I can explain, I wasn’t drinking or anything...” I started, but she hugged me tightly.

“Oh, thank goodness.” she whispered.

“Ma, what. What’s going on?” I asked.

I looked up the stairs. In the dining room, my dad was sitting at the table, watching us. There were tears in his eyes. My dad never cried.

“Where’s Brian?” I asked.

“Oh, darling. He-H-H-He...” she stammered, leaning on me.

Suddenly I knew.

“No.” I whispered. Both my parents nodded.

“No!” I screamed.

“Alex.” my mom whispered, but I ran up the stairs to his room.

It was super neat, something neither of us were known for. A folded note was sitting on his navy blue bedspread. It had my name written on it, so I picked it up with shaking hands and unfolded it.

I wish I could say you had no part in this. You’re just a kid. I don’t want you to have that hanging over your head forever. But you were part of it. You stole all the attention, when I needed it the most.

I wish you the greatest of luck with All Time Low. I know you’re already planning to skip college to go on tour. I heard you and Jack talking about it. I’ve listened to you guys and I am glad you’re deciding this. Just don’t let yourself get in over your head, okay?

- Brian

I fell to the floor, sobbing brokenly. At some point, I moved to my bed and passed out for fourteen hours. I woke up with a headache, soaked with sweat. For a moment, I thought it’d all been a nightmare. But then I saw the note on my bedside table right next to me.

I managed to pry my phone out of my pocket and call August.

“Hey Alex!” she said happily.

“August, can you come over?” I croaked.

“Sure. What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I’d rather tell you in person.” I replied.

“Okay, be right over.” she told me and hung up.

I heard her at the door, but felt too weak to get up. I heard my mom talking to her, assumingly to tell her I was in my room. She came in and sat on my bed, hugging me. That made me start crying again, but there were no tears left, so I kind of dry-heaved awkwardly.

“Br-Brian...He killed himself....” I whispered.

“What?” she asked.

“Yeah. And it’s all my fault! Here, look!” I choked, tossing her the note. She squinted at it, deciphering his messy handwriting.

“Oh no.” she whispered.

I sat on the side of the bed, elbows on my knees, face in my hands, trying to keep from crying again.

"It's okay to cry, you know. You lost your brother. It is to be expected." she whispered.

"No. You don’t understand. The last time we talked, I threw it all in his face. I told him how fucked up he was. But the terrible thing is, I’m jealous of him. He got to check out of here." I choked. Maria gripped my face, forcing me to look at her.

"Don't you even dare." she said sharply.

"Why not? Everyone's going to hate me." I choked.

She held me as I cried and vented.

--

I was out of school for two weeks. When I returned to school, I was more popular than I was when I left. All the girls were hugging me and rubbing my back and assuring me they were available if I needed to talk.

August came over one day after school.

"How are you?" she asked.

"I just lost my brother and everyone's treating me like a fucking china doll, like I'm going to break at any moment. How the fuck do you think I am?" I snapped.

"I'm sorry I got you some things on my way here, then." she shot back, shoving a bag at me.

Inside, I found all my favorite things. My favorite food, Cup O' Noodles, my favorite cereal, Frosted Flakes, CD's of my favorite bands, some tequila,and Reese's cups, my favorite candy.

"God, I'm an asshole. And losing my brother doesn't excuse that. Get into these arms, monkey." I said and we hugged.

*End of Flashback*

Notes

Okay, I know his brother's name isn't Brian (and I don't know his actual name) and that he died when Alex was twelve, but it's fanfiction ok.
comment&rate!