Running from recovery

“What the hell do you want, Jase?” I snarled. Jase took a few steps towards me, his eyes not leaving mine.
“I'm glad you're back” He smiled. And this is the point where I just lost it.
“Why the hell would you be glad that I'm back, Jase? Just so that you could tell me how everyone forgot who I was the day after I left? Or was it so you could just remind me of how you pretended to like me just so I'd tell you that I suffer from anxiety and then tell everyone else? Do you wanna know something else about me that you can gossip about? You made my life a living Hell.” I shouted. He looked away for a second and then looked back at me.
“You've got to understand why I did that though Emma. You just never gave me the chance to explain” He replied.
“Explain what? That you just deliberately wanted to hurt me?” I laughed, the laugh was more nervous than anything else.
“No, because when we sat up late every night on the phone, stayed out all weekend, told each other everything well, somewhere along those lines I fell for you Emma. But you deserved better than me so I did the only thing I could to do keep you away from me, I told every body about your, uh, anxiety. I guess what I'm trying to say is I love you Emma, and I'm so happy to see you again” I was shocked. Jase ruined my life, he was dared to spend as much time with me as he could just to find stuff out about me. I sort of fell for him, if you get what I mean. We were best friends and he just turned on me. I don't know if I can forgive that.
“Look Jase, I'm not here for long and then hopefully I wont be coming back again, so you've just got to get over me, besides I'm kind of with somebody else now” I said and as I said that, I realised how much I actually miss Zack, but I shook that thought out of my head.
“What's his name?” Jase asked.
“Zack” I replied. Jase just did a slight nod.
“I'm sorry Emma, I'm just glad you're happy” He said. We stood there in an awkward silence until Adam came out and just glared at Jase.
“Why are you talking to my sister?” He snarled.
“Because I'm in love with her” Jase replied defensively.
“Well you should've realised that years ago” Adam said. “Now leave us alone” Jase nodded then walked away. I had a feeling that that wasn't the last we'd be seeing of him.
“We got the rooms set up, we can go back to bed now.” I just nodded and followed Adam into the house. I didn't bother looking up at the walls or how it all looked. I couldn't handle that right now, I just wanted my old room back.

I walked into my old room and it was the same as how I left it, just without the posters. I put my bags in the bottom of my wardrobe then climbed into bed, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep, so instead of sitting downstairs, I just layed in bed and stared up at the ceiling. I kept thinking about Zack, how he'd probably be worrying about why me and Adam aren't at school. I turned my phone on to see if he called me and just as it turned on, he called me again. I hesitated for a moment then picked up.
“Hello” I said.
“Emma thank God you picked up! I've been so worried, you and Adam aren't at school, where are you?” He asked. I bit my lip.
“Um, we're in England Zack” I said. There was a moment of silence on his end.
“Have you moved back there?” He asked, he sounded upset as he said that.
“No no, its just an emergency last minute visit” I replied.
“What's the emergency?” He asked.
“Mum left” I replied and suddenly started crying.
“Emma its gonna be okay” Zack said. I made a little noise since I was finding it hard to speak through the tears.
“S-sorry Igotto g-go” I stuttered then hung up and ran over to my suit case and pulled out my blade and dug it into my wrist. I was aware that I was crying rather loudly at this point and Adam could probably hear me, but I didn't care, I just needed a release. I was crying so hard I couldn't breath, I tried gulping in the air but I couldn't. I let out a scream just as I managed to take a breath and then I was off crying even harder than before. I heard Adam's and Dad's footsteps running into my room but I didn't care, I just wanted it all to be over.
“Emma what- no! Emma!” I heard Dad shout, I didn't know what he was shouting about until I looked down and saw the massive pool of blood on the floor. Adam picked up the phone and dialled 999. I just kept looking from my wrist to Dad to Adam. I was crying even harder now, and I was becoming less and less aware of what was going on around me.
“Adam she's zoning out, tell the ambulance to hurry up” Dad shouted to Adam.
“I'm sorry” I choked out. I was still sobbing and Dad and Adam were just staring at me. I heard the sirens blaring down the street, Dad ran down and opened the door for them, Adam came over and wrapped his arms around me and helped me up, but I couldn't move my legs to walk so he set me back down on the floor.
“I love you Adam, I'm so sorry, please stay safe” I said.
“No Emma, don't you bloody dare say your goodbyes now, you're not going anywhere, you're going to survive this” Adam said with tears in his eyes.
“Oh but I'm not, I can feel it Adam, I feel calm and peaceful, you'll get over this, promise me you'll look after Dad and tell him I love him” I slurred. I felt my eyes start to close.
“Shit no Emma no, DAD HURRY THE FUCK UP!” Adam screamed as he cried. Dad came running in with 3 men dressed in green. 2 of them came over to me while the other one pulled Dad and Adam out of the room.
“Emma listen to me, focus on me, don't close your eyes” One of the men said while the other one did some stuff to my wrist. I nodded at him and looked over at the window. I just wanted to go, my wrist was hurting, I felt confused but I knew I didn't want to be here.
“I want to die” I whispered to the man looking at me.
“No you don't, you want to survive, and we'll help you do that, okay? Just focus on me” He said. I shook my head.
“No, I want to die, I can't do this” I said. The man started saying something else but I wasn't listening. I closed my eyes and let my head fall back. I head screaming and shouting around me but I wasn't focusing on that, I was focusing on not surviving this. I felt someone pick me up and carry me somewhere and then, all the shouting faded out and everything went black, no tunnel of light, no big pearly gates, no 'my life flashed before my eyes' just nothing.

Was I dead? Well, that's one question that I never quite knew how to answer.

Notes

I just keep leaving you guys with cliff hangers, don't I ;)
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