I slid back against the door. I knew I was going to get an earful from mother and father about abandoning Matt in the garden and not coming back to dinner. I didn't care though. I was a fuck up anyway; I didn’t need them to tell me. I went to my stereo and turned it to full volume.
“Pretty little lady with those swollen eyes, would you show they to me?”
I stared into my mirror and watched as tear dragged long lines of black eyeliner and mascara down my cheeks. They were already bloodshot.
I paced the length of my room; taking things and throwing them, sobbing, turning around doing it again. My anxiety was getting the best of me.
My tears blurred my vision as I stumbled to the bathroom.
“I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. It’s all my fault,” I yelled at the mirror. I grabbed bottle of fancy soaps and through them against the wall, where they smashed to bits.
I noticed the track switched to Pierce the Veil when I heard Vic’s voice.
“…See, you're just wasted and thinking about the past again. Darling, you'll be okay.”
“I WON’T BE OKAY. I’LL NEVER BE OKAY. DON’T YOU UNDERTAND?! OKAY IS SOMETHING FUCK UPS LIKE ME DON’T DESERVE!!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.
I tore off my shoe and threw it at the speaker, knocking it to the ground.
The music stopped.
Everything stopped.
I stopped crying and breaking things.
Pierce the Veil stopped singing.
It felt like the world had stopped turning.
I stared in disbelief.
How could I do that? How could I break my one escape from this world? I had nothing now. I stared at the silent stereo on the floor. I leaned my forehead against the door frame, silently letting tears fall.
What had I done?
I stumbled into the bathroom and opened the drawer.
My only other escape. My blade.
It had been months since the last time, but still old scars snaked their way across parts of my body. I was trapped in my own spider web of red lines and self-hatred.
I turned over my wrists, revealing scars to deep to ever heal. I traced the blade under one of the deepest ones. I sniffled, pushed in and dragged it.
I pulled the metal out; blood poured over and stained my skin. It stung. I bit my lip to hold back my cries. This was real pain.
I prepared for another cut when something distracted me.
I looked towards the doors to my deck, when I heard a small sound.
Almost like…
Footsteps.
No. No, that couldn’t be right. My balcony was on the fourth floor. You need a rope or a ladder to get up.
My thoughts went back to my wrist.
I placed the blade on my skin again, ready for the pain, when I heard it again.
Footsteps…and now…voices?
I crept over to the door and saw a shadow swoop by. I jumped back, forgetting about my wrist. Blood leaked onto the floor as I tiptoed towards the door. I turned the handle and peered outside to find a boy sitting on the ledge. He didn’t notice me as I walked towards him. He sat there calmly, looking out over the city.
“Excuse me,” I whispered. The boy whipped around. His brown hair landed in his fear-filled eyes.
“Who are—“
“I was never here!” he screeched and leapt from the ledge.
“Wait, no! Come back!” I yelled, but it was too late. The boy had disappeared into the darkness below.

Notes

yay, new chapter.
sorry its short, i'm trying to make them longer
also, the anxiety attack she has is based off one I witnessed my friend have. :/
hope you guys like it!
leave comments and subscribe and shit xx
~Caroline