Anastasia's POV



We arrived to Alex's house where there were people waiting for us already. Tons of people piled on top of each other, literally. There were so many people I felt like we were all sardines. Jack grabbed my hand once we got out of my car and he hasn't let it go since. He led me to the kitchen to grab some drinks.

"What do you want Ana? I hope it's cool that I call you that," he chuckled nervously.

I smiled widely at him, "Of course it is. I know Anastasia is a mouth full. But I'm not old enough to drink...?" The look he had on his face made the rest of my sentence come out as a question.

"You're funny Ana. Here take this," he handed me a red solo cup filled with a dark liquid. I hesitantly tipped it back down my throat, the liquor instantly burning it but leaving a nice taste in my mouth. I gulped the rest of it as Jack stood there in awe.

"Well shit let's get to it then Ana!" Jack threw his hands in the air then chugged his drink and made us more.

Around three in the morning everyone seemed to be completely gone except for the guys, myself and a few other bands who's names I forgot already. My mind was becoming fuzzy and my vision blurry. I stumbled up Alex's stairs to find his room was closed and loud moans were coming from it. I stifled a laugh. There was a million different girls who it could be but he probably didn't even know her name. I eventually found the bathroom and I locked myself in there. I needed to sober myself up before I could drive home soon. I knew these guys didn't want me around long. Jack made that perfectly clear when he left me all alone to practically swallow this band slut on the couch.

I turned on the water and stuck my head under the faucet and drank until I couldn't fit any more liquid. I pulled back and cupped water in my hands, splashing water on my face, using a towel to remove the excess mascara that had come off my eyelashes. I pulled my long thick hair up in a ponytail. Looking myself deep in the eye through the mirror I became instantly disgusted with myself. Why was I so sickeningly beautiful? I hated looking so perfect when I knew on the inside I wasn't. Inside I was a thousand times uglier than anyone could imagine. I looked at the faded scars that covered my delicate wrists. Off white and deep scars traced all the way up to my elbow. How could I have forgotten what my plan was tonight? I couldn't do it here...could I? I had kept my jacket on pretty much all night. I had just taken it off when I got in the bathroom. I regretted it instantly. I couldn't stand to see the marks of how weak I really was. That's when I decided...fuck it.



Fresh tears ran down my porcelain, blemish free skin. Frantically I looked around for a razor. I smiled when I found one in Alex's shower. He'd probably be really upset about me breaking his razor but then again he probably hated me anyway. Everyone always did eventually. I stomped on it, sending fragments of the plastic flying through the air. I reached down to grab one of the shiny blades. I twirled it in my hands. It was smaller than the one I was used to but I guess it would have to do. Without another moment’s hesitation I slid down to the floor, pulled off my shirt and placed the sharp object on the middle of my arm. I pulled back as the feeling of relief washed over me. Blood sprung insanely fast from my veins. It was dripping, staining the floor I stood on. I cut a little deeper the next time around, hoping that I'd bleed out this curse. But like always the relief was only temporary. Hot tears poured down my eyes. This was a mistake. Why was I even here? I had to get out. If I left now no one would notice, no one would care.






Feeling 100% sober now I placed some white gauze I found in Alex's bathroom upon my wrists and put my clothes back on. I creeped along the hallway so as to not make a noise. I heard nothing. No one was awake. I went down the stairs instantly thankful my footsteps were masked. Another perk I get for living with this curse. I looked around the trashed home. Bottles, whole and shattered scattered the floor, red cups filled the empty spaces, food was carelessly thrown into the garbage can causing certain things to squish against the walls and floor. The place was a total dump. I sighed. I wish I could help but I couldn't stay longer. I felt myself becoming weaker by the second. I traipsed my way around the mess. My head was pounding. My knees were weak. All at once I couldn't support myself anymore. I barely made it out of the front door before I completely passed out from the blood loss. My heavy eyelids shut closed, letting me escape for a while.










I woke up when I felt long cold fingers touching from my forehead to my jaw line and retracing over and over. My eyes fluttered open to see a pair of brown eyes staring into mine, a mess of light brown hair slightly covering them. His touch didn't make me shiver; it made me feel self conscious. How long had he'd been watching me? Did he notice the blood?

"Anastasia," Alex spoke softly, "are you okay? What happened?"

Tears flooded my eyes as I pushed him off of me gently. I realized then that I was lying on the cold hard ground of his porch. I shook my head, causing the tears to escape onto my lips. I dropped my gaze to my lap, trying my best to get on my feet.

I failed miserably and Alex caught me in his arms. Again, I felt off, wrong. This wasn't whose arms I craved. I should be thankful for him catching me. That fall did not look too appealing. I should be grateful he went to look for me. But I wasn't. I just wanted to get out of his arms and run far away from here. I shrugged out of his embrace, his hand just lightly holding onto the small of my back. I steadied myself and pulled away from him. I tried to shove past him but I felt his fingers wrap around my tiny wrist.

"Ana please don't go. What happened?" He flipped my wrist over and looked pointedly at the white gauze that peeked under the sleeve of my jacket. I mentally slapped myself for not hiding it better.

I whimpered softly, "s'nothing."

He gave me a hard look, "Bullshit Ana." He proceeded to push up my sleeves, revealing the crimson stained gauze. His breath hitched as he gingerly touched the still wet cloth. More tears spilled down to my lips, leaving my mouth drier than it was. Alex crushed me to his chest. This time I held him back.

"Why would you do this Anastasia? You're so beautiful, so talented. Why?" his voice cracked several times causing him to sob softly. I clung onto his back, trying to catch my breath enough to speak.

When that failed I just spoke brokenly, "I—I h—had pl—planned to—to do i—it an—anyway—way." My sobs took over and I shook violently, holding onto Alex as if my life depended on it, maybe it did. He shushed me whispering sweet nothing's to my ear. I cried until I felt myself go limp in his arms. Breathing was becoming a challenge, my heart slowed, my eyes were closing again.

Alex pulled back, "Anastasia?!" My eyes finally closed, hopefully for the last time.

Notes

This chapter was supposed to be up earlier but my mom had unexpected guests and they had me running around getting shit from stores cuz I have my license now .-. fml.

Here you guys go though <3

In case you're wondering what Anastasia sounds like go here

Skip to :51 though!

ILY <3

More soon c: