Take a Breath, and Let the Rest Come Easy
1
I looked around my tiny bedroom of my very small apartment that I called home one last time. I wanted to make sure I had everything I needed for tour. My brother wanted me to tag along this time as the new merch girl to help Vinny out. Plus he saw it as a way to help me move on from a rough break up with my latest boyfriend.
"Hey Em, you ready to go," my brother asked as he poked his head into my room.
"Yeah I'm ready, Alex," I replied as I slung my backpack over my shoulder and he grabbed my suitcase of my clothes and the duffle bag of my shoes and other needs.
"Alright down to the bus," he shot his fist into the air like the dork he was. I laughed lightly to myself and shook my head as I followed him downstairs.
I followed Alex out of my apartment, grabbing my purse and keys on the way out. I locked up my humble apartment and went to my landlord's place to drop of the rent payments for the duration of my leave so I could have my apartment when I came back from tour.
I boarded the bus that would be my home for the next two and a half months. At least I would be with friends and my brother.
Alex and I weren't born here in the states. We both were born in the UK. Alex was seven and I was almost three when we moved from Essex to Towson. Now he's twenty-four and I'm twenty-one, and we both have anxiety. When he was in middle school and I was elementary school, our older brother Tom died. we don't like talking about it because it's still really hard on us. Alex can control his anxiety, getting attacks every once in a while. Me on the other hand, I can't really control my anxiety so when I'm in a really crowded place, I begin to panic. So far only Alex, Mom, and Lisa can help me come out of an attack.
I looked through the bunks and I found an open one towards the front of the bus in the middle. I took my backpack off and put it in my bunk before I grabbed my suitcase from Alex and put it on the shelf under my bunk and went into my duffle bag to get out my pillow, sheet, and blanket. I made my bed and I climbed into my bunk and went onto my computer. I knew we'd have to drive a long time to get over to Salt Lake City with the bus. Rian was meeting us in Salt Lake since he lived in LA now.
"Hey Em, do you want to join us for a movie night," Alex asked.
"Sure," I replied as I closed my laptop and climbed out of my bunk.
I sat between Jack and Alex as Matt put on a movie for us all to watch. I leaned my head onto Alex's shoulder, resulting in him smiling warmly and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. We watched maybe three movies before I fell asleep with my head in Alex's lap and my legs in Jack's.
We finally got to the venue for the Salt Lake show of Warped Tour. I was helping Vinny pitch the merch tent and get the merch display built. It was pretty damn hot and it was only ten in the morning. The show itself wasn't for three days, but Vinny and I wanted to get the merch tent built today so we had the rest of the days before the show open for us to just chill.
"Alright I think we are done, mini Gaskarth," Vinny dusted off his hands, admiring our handywork of the display.
"Thank god. I swear Vegas, you are a perfectionist at times that it's annoying," I joked as I wiped the sweat from my brow as I moved my hair out of my eyes.
"Alright smart ass, go hang out, you have the rest of the next couple of days before the gates open to relax. If it gets crowded when we work, I'll send you off to avoid you having an attack," Vinny ruffled my hair before I left.
I seriously hate having my anxiety as bad as I have it. I'm tired of being weak. I want to be strong, just like Alex.
"Hey Em, you ready to go," my brother asked as he poked his head into my room.
"Yeah I'm ready, Alex," I replied as I slung my backpack over my shoulder and he grabbed my suitcase of my clothes and the duffle bag of my shoes and other needs.
"Alright down to the bus," he shot his fist into the air like the dork he was. I laughed lightly to myself and shook my head as I followed him downstairs.
I followed Alex out of my apartment, grabbing my purse and keys on the way out. I locked up my humble apartment and went to my landlord's place to drop of the rent payments for the duration of my leave so I could have my apartment when I came back from tour.
I boarded the bus that would be my home for the next two and a half months. At least I would be with friends and my brother.
Alex and I weren't born here in the states. We both were born in the UK. Alex was seven and I was almost three when we moved from Essex to Towson. Now he's twenty-four and I'm twenty-one, and we both have anxiety. When he was in middle school and I was elementary school, our older brother Tom died. we don't like talking about it because it's still really hard on us. Alex can control his anxiety, getting attacks every once in a while. Me on the other hand, I can't really control my anxiety so when I'm in a really crowded place, I begin to panic. So far only Alex, Mom, and Lisa can help me come out of an attack.
I looked through the bunks and I found an open one towards the front of the bus in the middle. I took my backpack off and put it in my bunk before I grabbed my suitcase from Alex and put it on the shelf under my bunk and went into my duffle bag to get out my pillow, sheet, and blanket. I made my bed and I climbed into my bunk and went onto my computer. I knew we'd have to drive a long time to get over to Salt Lake City with the bus. Rian was meeting us in Salt Lake since he lived in LA now.
"Hey Em, do you want to join us for a movie night," Alex asked.
"Sure," I replied as I closed my laptop and climbed out of my bunk.
I sat between Jack and Alex as Matt put on a movie for us all to watch. I leaned my head onto Alex's shoulder, resulting in him smiling warmly and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. We watched maybe three movies before I fell asleep with my head in Alex's lap and my legs in Jack's.
We finally got to the venue for the Salt Lake show of Warped Tour. I was helping Vinny pitch the merch tent and get the merch display built. It was pretty damn hot and it was only ten in the morning. The show itself wasn't for three days, but Vinny and I wanted to get the merch tent built today so we had the rest of the days before the show open for us to just chill.
"Alright I think we are done, mini Gaskarth," Vinny dusted off his hands, admiring our handywork of the display.
"Thank god. I swear Vegas, you are a perfectionist at times that it's annoying," I joked as I wiped the sweat from my brow as I moved my hair out of my eyes.
"Alright smart ass, go hang out, you have the rest of the next couple of days before the gates open to relax. If it gets crowded when we work, I'll send you off to avoid you having an attack," Vinny ruffled my hair before I left.
I seriously hate having my anxiety as bad as I have it. I'm tired of being weak. I want to be strong, just like Alex.
