Lean On Me.

Jack and I had a while before we were due to go back to mine and we were just relaxing on his bed listening to music, basking in that great feeling that comes after doing anything sexual.

“Dance with me, babe,” Jack announced as ‘Thunder’ by Boys Like Girls came on over the speakers. “I love this song and I know that you do too.”

Despite the fact that neither of us could dance it didn’t stop us. We both stood and swayed awkwardly around his room, taking a few minutes to adjust before becoming comfortable dancing in each other’s arms. In the end we ended up just swaying from side to side on one spot, holding onto each other. I had my head rested on Jack’s shoulder as he sang the words to me.

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer. Do you know you are unlike any other? You’ll always be my thunder, and I said your eyes are the brightest of all the colours. I don’t want to ever love another. You’ll be my thunder. So bring on the rain, oh baby bring on the pain and listen to the thunder.

~*~*~*~

“Jack, you do know that you are helping to make this night perfect, don’t you?” I asked as we pulled into my driveway again. “I’m so glad that I’m not at a party getting wasted like most of the year. I would much rather be here, surrounded by the people I love. Thanks for making tonight so great.”

“I’m just glad that we made it this far and that I could help make today good for you. I love you so much. I want to talk to you about a few things, maybe tomorrow. We won’t do it now because tonight is all about you. It’s nothing bad though, so you don’t have to worry your pretty little head about it. I was just thinking that we could get away somewhere this summer, just me, you and maybe Bella.”

“That sounds great babe,” I replied, smiling at him as we reached the front door. “We will definitely talk about it later.”

I was surprised that Danny and Zack weren’t around already. They were usually early. At least this gave me some time to get everything ready.

“Jack, I’m just going to run upstairs and check on my Dad. Can you set the DVD player up in the living room before Danny and Z get here?”

“No problem, I’m on it now.”

I made my way upstairs, stopping outside of my Dad’s door and knocking. I could see the light shining out from under the door so I presumed that he was still awake.

“Dad, it’s me,” I called. “Can I come in? Jack and I have just come back now.”

When I got no reply I just presumed that he must have fallen asleep reading or something so I knocked once more before opening the door and walking in. I wanted to make sure he was okay and to turn off his lamp. I didn’t expect to find his bed empty, that’s for sure. I began to feel a little uneasy at this.

“Jack,” I called, stepping back into the hall. “Dad isn’t down there with you, is he?”

Jack appeared in the hallway and I could tell by the look on his face that he certainly hadn’t seen my Dad. Both of our faces paled as my mind jumped to a million different scenarios. Jack began to climb up the steps as I raced back into my Dad’s room and went to check if he was in his bathroom. What I saw horrified me and I remained rooted to my space in shock. This couldn’t be happening. Jack appeared at my side and I heard him gasp when he saw what I saw. My Dad was lying on the floor; a pool of blood lay around his head, which I presumed he must have hit in the fall. I couldn’t move as I felt the room close in on me and I began gasping for air.

“No, no, no…” I kept repeating over and over again. “This can’t be happening.”

Jack leapt into action as he crouched down beside Dad, trying to check for a pulse.

“Alex, it’s okay. He’s still breathing and he has a pulse. It’s weak but it’s still there,” he assured me but I still began to panic. Jack had his cell phone in his hand as he dialled 9-1-1.

“Dad, wake up!” I shouted desperately, kneeling down beside him. “Jack, he’s not waking up. Why isn’t he waking up? We need to do something!”

“Alex, please try and calm down. I can’t have you getting a full blown panic attack on me too. The ambulance is on its way, they know that it’s an emergency and will be here in a few minutes. I know that this is hard, but you are going to have to let them do their work.”

It felt like forever but in reality it was only five minutes before Jack was leading me out of the bathroom as paramedics surrounded my Dad. They were shouting all of this stuff that made no sense as they put a tube down my Dad’s throat and loaded him onto a stretcher.

“I need him to wake up,” I cried into Jack’s chest as a paramedic told us to follow them to the hospital. “They have to make him wake up.”

Outside was a frenzy of action. Zack and Danny were standing shocked in the driveway after arriving when the ambulance did. Neighbours who must have seen the flashing lights stood out on their porches, hands clutched over their mouths in horror as they watched my Dad being wheeled out. Jack exchanged a look with Danny and Zack and while it made no sense to me, it seemed to make full sense to them as they both walked to the house, grabbing the spare key and locking the door before taking Jack’s keys from him.

Jack sat in the backseat with me as I clutched onto him for dear life. Right now he was all I had. Zack took the driver’s seat and pulled out of the driveway, following behind the ambulance. Jack kept talking to me the whole way to the hospital but none of it registered in my head.

~*~*~*~

Now, I was getting anxious. It had been two hours and they refused to let me see him. No one had even been to talk to me about his condition. All they did was usher us into a family room where they said we could wait in privacy. I didn’t want privacy. All I wanted was for someone to come and tell me that my Dad had just taken a fall and that he was fine, awake and asking for me. I paced back and forth in the waiting room, refusing the coffee and water that was offered to me.

“Alex,” Jack said standing in front of me, his hands on my shoulders to stop me pacing. “You’ve got to stop doing this to yourself. Please sit with me. They’ll be here soon to tell you how he is. No news has to be good news, right?”

Jack was trying hard to sound convincing but I didn’t believe him and I was doubtful that he even believed himself. I began to shrug my way out of his grasp when the door opened and a tired weary looking doctor walked in. My head dropped when he shook his head, his expression sad. Jack’s arms were around me in an instant and I think if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be standing up.

“I’m sorry,” the doctor began before I cut him off.

“No, no. You have the wrong person. This can’t be happening. Please tell me it isn’t. Please tell me that he just bumped his head and that he’s good to go home.”

“I’m extremely sorry, Mr Gaskarth. There was nothing more we could do. The cancer had spread to his entire lung and it caused him to have difficulty breathing. We believe that he blacked out due to the lack of oxygen to his brain and that caused him to fall. I can assure you, he felt no pain. I must stress that it wasn’t the fall that took his life however. This was going to happen anyway and if he hadn’t have been standing up, then he would have perhaps died in his sleep.”

I couldn’t control my emotions anymore as tears poured down my cheeks as I clutched onto Jack. Why did this have to happen to me?

“You can see him if you would like?” The doctor offered.

I looked into Jack’s tear filled eyes silently asking him if he would go with me. He nodded squeezing my hand and I nodded weakly at the doctor who began to lead me to where my Dad was.

Peaceful. That was the only way I could describe how he looked. He didn’t look dead. Nope, he just looked like he was sleeping. It didn’t feel real, well at least not to me. His pale skin nearly blended in with the crisp white sheet that covered him. I walked out of Jack’s grasp and simply walked over to him, placed a kiss on his clammy, cold forehead and told him that I loved him. It didn’t feel right not hearing him reply.

“I’ve got to go and organise everything,” I mumbled, walking blindly towards the door, my tear filled eyes obscuring my vision. “Fuck, I don’t even know where to start. I don’t know what to do. This wasn’t meant to happen.”

Jack held me in his arms as a hundred worries filled my mind and I cried.

Notes