Holding Lily in my arms made me see that I was in way too deep. I felt like I was drowning in my misery. Jack was trying to pull me back up, but I had pulled him down with me. I was hurting him with being so miserable. So I decided, for the sake of my family, I would get the help I needed.

I already went to a therapist and I was already started on anti-anxiety medication, I take one pill in the morning and a second one around dinner. I was to take the pills until I felt I could go without them, but I had no idea when that would be. So far I haven't changed much, I still curl up into a shell and cry. I still have anxiety attacks, but they seem to be fewer and less frequent than they used to be.

"Mommy," I heard my little four year old squeal as she was put on the ground by my dad. I knelt down to her level and she ran into my arms. I held her tightly to me. God I missed her so much. I felt like such a terrible mother for sending her away to bounce between her grandparents.

"I missed you baby," I cooed as I held onto her tightly, "Did you behave while spending time with your grandmas and grandpas?"

"I did Mommy," she replied as she played with my hair, "I got to see Sander."

"His name is Xander silly," I teased my little girl as I ruffled her hair, "You were close though."

"I blame Uncle Tommy. His name is hard to say," she crossed her little arms over her chest like I used to. God she was so cute.

"Why not call him Rian until you can say Xander, baby," I told her, "Now go inside. I want to talk to grandpa and I'm sure Daddy wants to see you."

Izzy took off and ran into the house. I stood up and I looked at my dad. It was the first I had seen him since I was in the hospital. I'm sure I looked like I had aged a lot due to everything I went through.

"I missed you, Daddy," I fought back tears as I looked him in the eyes.

"How are you feeling," he asked as he closed the distance between us and took me into his arms.

"It's so hard,"I finally broke down, "I feel like I'm drowning in my fears for my girls."

"Hey, it's okay Stella," Dad cooed as he rubbed my back like he used to when I had nightmares while I was growing up, "What matters is that you're getting better. Having Izzy home will help you feel better. Be more open with us, we want to help you through this. We all feel your pain."

"It's just so hard," I hiccuped, "But they're doing better, Daddy. I got to hold Lily the other day. They are doing so much better."

"That's fantastic," he gushed as he held me tighter, "Before long they'll be home and everything will be so much better. I know you'll be a fantastic mother to those little girls, Stell. You already proved it with Izzy."

"Thank you for looking after Izzy. I knew with me being so lost and anxious and scared, Jack needed to focus on helping me get better. I didn't want Izzy to get hurt because of me," I told him.

"I would do anything for you, Stella. I would do anything in the world to help you smile again," Dad kissed my forehead, "Now I have a little nephew to visit. Have fun being a mom again. She'll brighten your mood and help you recover."