Dear Veronica Count Me In
Shattered Glass
It was 5:30 in the creeping hours of the afternoon, by the moment I got home.
I shivered badly as my hand held the door knob, fearing that there may be another chaotic mess left by my mother on her manic anger episodes. The sight of her screaming in absolute terror, banging the tables and doors, breaking the plates one by one; hands filled with bruises and cuts, which led her scars. Scars that trace back to every inch of her skin, but none could compare to the deepest and most damaged part of her. The one that she hides, the one that is obviously breaking her apart; the very reason
A shattered heart
These episodes of my mom, Helen, only happens rarely; times when, she remembers the past she’d been trying to forget.
Opening the door, I let out a sigh, hoping that…
Mom was there in the kitchen, pouring red wine to the glass, while cooking pasta by the stove.
“You shouldn’t be doing that. You’d get drunk again. And the last time you did, caused wreckage and a week for you to get sober” I stated to her as I headed to the stairs
“Why do you care, besides you got home work. Plus here I am making dinner; I know how to take care of myself, Veronica” she scowled
“Yeah you do, but sometimes, you fail to recall, that I need a responsible mom, who can manage herself and also this house. Yet you can’t” scowling back
“Watch your words, young lady! If you would just be like Mark” Mom started to reprimand me when all off a sudden, my brother was mentioned
Just by the thought of it, I was sent trampled down to the floor
Mark.
He was the best older brother that I never had.
Memories began to flashback through my mind, years have passed, but they are still intact and clear enough for me to remember.
“Veronica, do you like to see the stars outside?”
It was a quiet evening during fall
Back then, I was 6, and Mark was 14
We were in his room, and during that time, our mom was fast asleep in the couch
“But, mom will get mad…” I reluctantly said, afraid that mom would spank us afterwards
“Forget about that, for tonight, there are no rules, Roni. We could do and say whatever we want, plus go wherever we want. Just for one night, please?”
How could I ever say no to him? He was pleading on his knees; eyes lit with sheer excitement
And just for tonight, I wanted to let go of all my fears and troubles
Taking every risk for one amazing thrill; that’s where I told Mark…
“Let’s do this” grinning from ear to ear
My brother placed a rope of cloth, near the hook in his window since the door downstairs was locked. He grasped my hand and reassured me “I won’t let you go little sis, just hold on”. Mark entangled one leg to the rope while carrying me close. We tried to make as less noise as we could, sliding down to the bottom.
“Now what?”
“Now we run” Mark smirked and signaled me by tugging my elbow
We ran wild across the street. My heart was racing, and pure adrenaline was rushing into my veins. I closed my eyes, and silently wished that this would never end. Lights were dimly lit and some cars were passing, but we didn’t care. This night was ours, and ours only to share. Mark and I ended up in the park playground and we sat down on the swings
“Look up, Roni, do you see that one” He pointed unanimously above
Numerous stars were scattered across the dark night sky. It was an infinite universe so it was hard for me single out what my brother was so fascinated about.
“Mark, I can’t see it. They are too many”
“Roni, the little guy over there” Mark laughed as he showed me again
“But he’s so small. What’s so special about him?” pouting out of confusion
“Well aren’t you small too?”
“No! I’m big kid now, not a baby. Besides why, Mark?”
He said
“You know, little sis, you are like a star too. Small yet you shone me through this hell of a darkness that I’m living, a spark that changed me to become a better person”
As a naïve kid, I didn’t take his words seriously by then; however I hugged him, replying back “Thanks Mark for this wonderful evening”
He embraced me and annoyingly messed with my hair
“I’m a star too; I’m always here to guide and protect you, Veronica”
“Promise?”
“Promise”
We both pushed each other in the swings, laughed till we cried, until I got drowsy and Mark had to piggy me back all the way home.
“I’ll always be there for you, I’ll never go away” He silently whispered as the cold wind lulled me to sleep
Time passed, and Mark was beginning to rebel and conflict with mom. He’d come home after days, sometimes weeks; bringing all kinds of bruises and more of a person that I used to know. His kind words were replaced with angsty and offensive ones. His warm smile was gone, only miserable frowns & scrunched eyebrows were left. Rumor has it that he joined some gang by the edge of town, seen doing heroin and shoplifting stores. Mark’s presence was more of a shadow just lurking in this broken house.
Some days, we’d talk, he’d bring me to places or cuddle when I feel gloomy, yet it wasn’t just the brother I once had. The brother who swore to me that he will never go away
Although, one day,
He did
A gang war, with guns and fist fights, led to his terrible death… a misfired bullet straight to his heart
The news hit me straight up. I couldn’t eat and sleep for a long period of time; my mom was in the worst condition. My pillow was wet with tears, unending mourning for my begotten brother. The unfulfilled promise which can be seen by his grave
Gradually, reality hit me back
My mom was dumbfounded; lost at words.
I, in the other hand, shut myself in the room and tried to forget every painful memory that I so happened to recall.
Memories about Mark Di Angelo
I shivered badly as my hand held the door knob, fearing that there may be another chaotic mess left by my mother on her manic anger episodes. The sight of her screaming in absolute terror, banging the tables and doors, breaking the plates one by one; hands filled with bruises and cuts, which led her scars. Scars that trace back to every inch of her skin, but none could compare to the deepest and most damaged part of her. The one that she hides, the one that is obviously breaking her apart; the very reason
A shattered heart
These episodes of my mom, Helen, only happens rarely; times when, she remembers the past she’d been trying to forget.
Opening the door, I let out a sigh, hoping that…
Mom was there in the kitchen, pouring red wine to the glass, while cooking pasta by the stove.
“You shouldn’t be doing that. You’d get drunk again. And the last time you did, caused wreckage and a week for you to get sober” I stated to her as I headed to the stairs
“Why do you care, besides you got home work. Plus here I am making dinner; I know how to take care of myself, Veronica” she scowled
“Yeah you do, but sometimes, you fail to recall, that I need a responsible mom, who can manage herself and also this house. Yet you can’t” scowling back
“Watch your words, young lady! If you would just be like Mark” Mom started to reprimand me when all off a sudden, my brother was mentioned
Just by the thought of it, I was sent trampled down to the floor
Mark.
He was the best older brother that I never had.
Memories began to flashback through my mind, years have passed, but they are still intact and clear enough for me to remember.
“Veronica, do you like to see the stars outside?”
It was a quiet evening during fall
Back then, I was 6, and Mark was 14
We were in his room, and during that time, our mom was fast asleep in the couch
“But, mom will get mad…” I reluctantly said, afraid that mom would spank us afterwards
“Forget about that, for tonight, there are no rules, Roni. We could do and say whatever we want, plus go wherever we want. Just for one night, please?”
How could I ever say no to him? He was pleading on his knees; eyes lit with sheer excitement
And just for tonight, I wanted to let go of all my fears and troubles
Taking every risk for one amazing thrill; that’s where I told Mark…
“Let’s do this” grinning from ear to ear
My brother placed a rope of cloth, near the hook in his window since the door downstairs was locked. He grasped my hand and reassured me “I won’t let you go little sis, just hold on”. Mark entangled one leg to the rope while carrying me close. We tried to make as less noise as we could, sliding down to the bottom.
“Now what?”
“Now we run” Mark smirked and signaled me by tugging my elbow
We ran wild across the street. My heart was racing, and pure adrenaline was rushing into my veins. I closed my eyes, and silently wished that this would never end. Lights were dimly lit and some cars were passing, but we didn’t care. This night was ours, and ours only to share. Mark and I ended up in the park playground and we sat down on the swings
“Look up, Roni, do you see that one” He pointed unanimously above
Numerous stars were scattered across the dark night sky. It was an infinite universe so it was hard for me single out what my brother was so fascinated about.
“Mark, I can’t see it. They are too many”
“Roni, the little guy over there” Mark laughed as he showed me again
“But he’s so small. What’s so special about him?” pouting out of confusion
“Well aren’t you small too?”
“No! I’m big kid now, not a baby. Besides why, Mark?”
He said
“You know, little sis, you are like a star too. Small yet you shone me through this hell of a darkness that I’m living, a spark that changed me to become a better person”
As a naïve kid, I didn’t take his words seriously by then; however I hugged him, replying back “Thanks Mark for this wonderful evening”
He embraced me and annoyingly messed with my hair
“I’m a star too; I’m always here to guide and protect you, Veronica”
“Promise?”
“Promise”
We both pushed each other in the swings, laughed till we cried, until I got drowsy and Mark had to piggy me back all the way home.
“I’ll always be there for you, I’ll never go away” He silently whispered as the cold wind lulled me to sleep
Time passed, and Mark was beginning to rebel and conflict with mom. He’d come home after days, sometimes weeks; bringing all kinds of bruises and more of a person that I used to know. His kind words were replaced with angsty and offensive ones. His warm smile was gone, only miserable frowns & scrunched eyebrows were left. Rumor has it that he joined some gang by the edge of town, seen doing heroin and shoplifting stores. Mark’s presence was more of a shadow just lurking in this broken house.
Some days, we’d talk, he’d bring me to places or cuddle when I feel gloomy, yet it wasn’t just the brother I once had. The brother who swore to me that he will never go away
Although, one day,
He did
A gang war, with guns and fist fights, led to his terrible death… a misfired bullet straight to his heart
The news hit me straight up. I couldn’t eat and sleep for a long period of time; my mom was in the worst condition. My pillow was wet with tears, unending mourning for my begotten brother. The unfulfilled promise which can be seen by his grave
Gradually, reality hit me back
My mom was dumbfounded; lost at words.
I, in the other hand, shut myself in the room and tried to forget every painful memory that I so happened to recall.
Memories about Mark Di Angelo
11/17/13