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All This Madness

Feeling Loss and Love.

"It's all my fault!"


Tears were pouring down my cheeks, my hair sticking to my face as my body shook with sobs. Losing Vinny had started taking a serious toll on me. This loss felt different, compared to the other people we'd lost in our time with the infected. He was a part of the new family we'd built, the one that had managed to last long enough to find a beam of hope. Now, he was gone, and it was all for the sake of saving mine and Tori's life. It just wasn't fair. Had Tori and I not found been brought onto this bus, most of the guys would still be alive.


Then, it hit me. Our last hope was gone. Sure, we had the cure, but how long would it be until we ran out and someone got sick again? There was no was we'd be able to have a constant supply of bottled water. We wouldn't always have a safe place to sleep. We had nowhere else to go. This was it, this was the end of the line.


My knees gave out and I hit the floor. A loud, muffled scream came from my mouth as I used my hands to brush back the strands of hair, yanking and tugging on it as hard as I could. All of my promises would go to Hell. I couldn't keep Tori safe anymore. I couldn't keep anyone safe, not even myself.


"There's nothing left," I croaked, attempting to catch my breath. "There's nothing left, no hope.. And now we're losing each other. It's all my fucking fault!"


"No it's not, Riot," a pair of hands wrapped around my shoulders and roughly pressed me into a chest. The scent instantly relaxed me, but it couldn't fix how broken I was. "Please, stop crying. We're going to get through this, I swear."


"You just lost one of your best friends and it's all my fault. How can you be so calm?"


His thumb was rubbing circles on my back and his chest was rising and falling at a steady rate. He'd been crying, that much was obvious, but he was so much stronger than I was. Even now, with my breathing calming and the tears slowing, he was still so much more composed than I could ever hope to be.


"I've lost a lot of best friends, Riot. And as long as this shit is going on, it's probably going to keep happening. But we can't focus on the dead, the ones that aren't even coming back. If we're going to survive, if we're going to keep Tori alive, we have to set our sights on getting out of this shit. Dwelling will only make it that much harder to push forward. Come on, Riot. Just breathe."


The words he spoke couldn't have been more true. We all had to have faith that we'd survive this, and if we'd did, we could dedicate a part of our lives to those we lost. There was no going back now, nothing could be fixed, or changed. Like my mother, my sweet mother. Had I known her own daughter held the cure, we could have spared her life, somehow...


One last, hard sob fell from my throat. I squeezed my eyes as tight as I could, letting the rest of my tears fall down my cheeks and onto his chest. My body fell over, all of my weight resting on him. My head was pounding and I was exhausted, but I knew at least a fraction of that was because my body was still in shock from the cure.


"Hey, look at me," Matt's fingers wrapped around my chin. He lifted my face so that my gaze met his. "We'll get through this together."


I didn't have the strength to fight anymore, not with myself or with my fears. A small smile came to my lips and I forced myself to nod my head, closing my eyes to take them in as deep as they would go. Maybe we could get through this, all of it. We found hope once, maybe we can find it again. It just wouldn't be the same, searching without the full group.


"I'm so sorry, Matt," I whispered, closing my eyes. My bones were starting to ache again, but the cure was starting to become less painful. "I don't know what I'd do without you. Tori and I are so lucky to have found you."


A loud sigh fell from Matt's lips and he tightened his grip on the hair hanging from the back of my head. He rested his forehead on mine, a small smile coming to his lips, before he rolled his head up in the slightest bit. It took me by surprise, my heart skipped a beat, but there was something so comforting about feeling his breath on my lips.


And then, he kissed me. It was soft, gentle and sweet, but it made the whole world spin around me. Had I not already been on the ground, my knees would have given out. My arms gripped his shoulders, clinging to the moment, and to his life. But all great things must end. Matt pulled away to breathe, his forehead on mine once again.


"Why couldn't you have waited for love?" Her murmured, barely loud enough for me to hear.
I frowned, knowing perfectly well he was referring to Alex, but I couldn't let it eat away at me. I had to stick by the decision I made, even if Matt wasn't approving.


"How was I supposed to know love was even possible in a world like this?"


"Because it's the only good thing we have left," Matt sighed, brushing his lips on my forehead. "It's my fault, though. I should have told you that you give me butterflies before someone else had a chance to."


"I already told you, Matt, there's nothing romantic between me and Alex. We're just friends."


"Yeah," Matt forced a smile, his thumb now brushing against my cheek sweetly. "We should stop talking about it, it's ruining the mood."


I felt myself giggle as I pulled back from him. This was.. Odd. I was having a moment with Matt. Furthermore, he kissed me. Having romantic feelings for Matt had never crossed my mind, mostly because of his relationship with Tori. He was her leader in this dark world and it wasn't my place to come in between that.. Though, I had to admit, something about his lips made me shudder in a way that Alex's hadn't. It almost made me feel complete.


"Well take this slow," Matt mumbled, obviously catching on that I'd become lost in thought. "I don't expect you to feel the same way right away. I just, I can't help myself. You and Tori have become my family."


"Slow," I smiled, my body instantly relaxing. "I like the sound of that."

Notes

I had so much more in store for this chapter but I realized it'd be too much at once. So, here's a short lovey chapter for you guys! Thank you so much for the comments. I love you guys. <3.
Next one will be better, I promise. <3.

Comments

@BreakingJessie_x
Hell yeah!

Nevin.R Nevin.R
1/16/14

@Nevin.R
So you're in favor of a sequel?

this is so good! love it :D

Nevin.R Nevin.R
1/15/14

@shadybabii
I may or may not be working on one. ;]

omg sequal her and zack can't end there

shadybabii shadybabii
1/13/14