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Mama , I'm In Love With A Criminal (Jalex)

Chapter 11

"When I was a kid, my dad, he was never really home. Mom said it was because he worked away from home, and that he needed to be there twenty four seven. I thought nothing of it, I mean why should I? Lots of other kids parents work our of home. Not just my dad. But what I didn't know, and was not told until I was fucking 16 is that not only was my dad in a gang. He was the owner. Meaning he fucking created that piece of shit!"

I looked to see if Alex was still listening. I don't know why I'm opening up to him, a PENDING gang member. I'm usually so kept to myself. But I guess it's because I love Alex, and I don't want him to part take in the worst part of my life. Thats what I want.

"Every rule. Every order. Every regulation. Every fucked up disgusting thing we did, was because of my dad! What I never got, is that up until I was 7, my dad was a god dad. worked a normal job. Did normal dad things. Never once did I ever think he would do, make, sell drugs. Or kill and rape people."

I started shaking, reliving these memories were hard for me. I had always tried so hard to repress them, even though it never really worked, saying them out loud was worse. I guess Alex noticed, because he spun little circles into my thigh, making me calm down enough to continue.

"I remember one night, being so excited I was gonna get to see my dad again. I was literally jumping around the house. I actually broke a lamp!" I let out a little chuckle, cause if I didn't I probably would have cried. "My mom was just as excited if not more. She looked so beautiful, she had dolled up for my dad. I think it was the day I realized my mom was actually a beautiful woman. She had this flowery dress that hugged her upper half and flowed at the bottom. Thats beside the point, the point is everyone was super excited for my dad yo come home. No one has seen or heard from him in 2 months."

Alex was smiling at the way I described it. Telling stories I get distracted really easy. Childish in a way, and I've always hated myself for it.

"But when he got home... when he got home he wasn't my dad anymore. He was completely different. I remember listening to like 8 motorcycles pull up our drive. Which was amazing! But looked so out of place in our suburban neighborhood. He had brought friends... Or 'workers' , if you will with him. One was Rian. The rest died before or a little after my dad, so they don't matter, but anyway! My dad, he was different. In looks and personality. He had gained weight. And lots of it, not just in fat, but in muscle. God he was so muscular. I later found out if was from a large amount of steroids he took. And tattoos. Covered in them. Even on his face."
I paused again. I knew this was going to be hard, but not this hard, every time I say 'My Dad' my stomach clinches and I feel like puking.

"That night, I should have picked up on the little things that were different with him. The was he was snarly, and made fun of my mothers dress, as well as just my appearance. He also kept twitching his head, something coke heads do. His blood shot eyes, his slurred words, and unbalanced foot steps. He was in really deep then, but me still being in the dark, I thought he was my dad still. And I wanted to do dad things with him. We tried to play ball in the backyard while mom cooked supper. All he did was take turns throwing them really hard at me with his friends. While giving Rian the 'eye'." I smirked, wiping a tear off my cheek. This is pathetic. I'm pathetic.

"When his friends left for supper. Thats when I realized, he wasn't my dad anymore. He was... He was some kind of monster. Now that it was only me, mom and my dad, he turned into- into this beast of sorts. He started insulting me and my mother. He told her her cooking was shit, that if she spent more time cooking than on trying to look good he wouldn't want to shove it down her throat. Lex, I remember very clearly getting mad, and standing up to my dad... That was the first night he beat me-"

"Oh Jacky I'm so-"

"Let me finish Alex." I said a little to harshly. He just nodded and kissed a tear falling from my right eye, wiping the others away.

"And my mother. She tried to stop him, but that just made him lash out at her. He called her the worst of names, things I've tried to forget, but can't Lex. I've tried to forget all of this, push it to the back of my mind, but just the little things will cause flashbacks. But that's not the point I was making. Where-where was I?"

All the thoughts surrounding my dad made it hard to focus on the one thing I was trying to get across to Alex: 'Gangs Will Fuck You Up. Leave While You Can'.

"Your dad be-beating you..." Alex's voice dropped to a whisper.

"Oh. Thanks for listening Lexy." I pulled him in to a small kiss, tasting his tears in it. I pulled back and wiped them off, oblivious as to why Alex was crying.

"That night he left. Didn't come back for 6 months. But that 6 months he was gone... I realized I was gay. Me and my mom talked about it, she was happy. Ha, she became my best friend, we would gossip about the boys in school and go shopping a lot. It was silly really, but hey, it was with my mom and it was fun." I chuckled at the memory, so did Alex. If anyone walked in right now, we would probably look crazy. Two guys cuddled crying and laughing, honestly I'd think we were crazy too.

"Me and my mom decided, I should tell my dad about this realization. He's my dad, he'll love me either way right? That's what we thought, but Alex we couldn't have been more wrong. After 7 and a half months he came home. This time he didn't have people, and didn't reek of alcohol. It was calm, he was being a dad! I was amazed! At diner though, me and my mom brought up that I had some news. We told him. He flipped. Literally, he flipped the table, screaming about how he didn't raise no faggot, that faggots were gross, that I was going to burn in Hell, that he was scared I was gonna butt-fuck him in his sleep. The insults just kept pouring, like a water fall." I took a deep breath before continuing.

"He stayed for that week, slapping me and my mom around, with words or hands. But... the end of the week he told me to pack up enough stuff for a week. That he was taking me somewhere. To say I was scared was a fucking understatement but there was also suttle excitement I mean fuck man, he was my dad. I don't know why I still had faith in him."

"Thats the first time I was in the house. The 'Gang House'. My dad told me this was his job, he introduced me to Rian, Jake, and Vic. I was amazed at how my dad had them wrapped around his finger. I thought 'When I Grow Up, I Wanna Be Like That'. Now I am. I guess." I let out a bitter laugh.

"He slowly started itching me into the life style. It took me awhile to figure out what he was doing, but it donged on me when he made me drop outta school. My dad only kept me because he found out I was skilled at everything. Shooting, hiding, sneaking, lying, selling, stealing, negotiating fighting, covering, killing. Everything. He made me hid my real self do to the rules. That stung. That my dad didn't want me as a son anymore, but as a worker."

"One day. My dad went out on a late night run. Meth for some house in the hood. They were new customers, and my dad always went to feel out new customers, something that Rian should fucking do." I mumbled the last part under my breath.

"It was a heist. A set up by the police. My dad was shot dead, right there on the scene. And with that, everything landed on my shoulders. I was left with every remain of that gang. The rules, responsibility, heads, paychecks, the money, and the whole Gang was mine. By then everyone thats there now, was there. But basically rookies. My dad, being the man he is, had no faith in me, and had a back up plan for the Gang. Rian President Me Vice President Austin Head of Weaponry. Beau Drug Captain. You know who's who. "

"But Vic's Vice President?" Alex said in a questioning tone. I rolled my eyes and answered.

"I didn't want that shit. When my dad got shot, I had plans of leaving. I passed the responsibility to Vic." Alex mouth formed an 'O' shape.

"Alex don't you see how much the Gang changed me? I used to be so up beat! Have so much joy and faith! Now look at me. Even you have mad comments on how hostile and secretive I am. I didn't want to be like this! Why would anyone want to be like this?! Do you know what it's like to know your father, the man you looked up to, was a monster?! Or the fact he was killed in the lifestyle I'm forced to live! It's Hell Alex! I don't want this! I want to be able to be happy and bouncy like I used to! But I cant! I fucking can't..."

I collapsed into Alex's lap, a shaky sobbing mess. I was suddenly tired. So tired. I felt myself drifting to sleep.

As my breath slowed and my eyelids became heavier, I left Alex shift from under me, and lay me on the bed properly. He kissed the corner of my mouth, be fore draping is arms around my waist.

"I looo yo Jaaaa" Alex's statement was lost by me falling into a dreamless sleep.


Sorry I took so long guys, I have school and such. Plus a couple other fics. I'll update more though. <3







Because Jalex Because Jalex
Omfg yes!!!
wtf jack cant kill oli! :'c
JagkBarakitten JagkBarakitten
Thanks :)
Dear_Maria Dear_Maria
Perfect story.
Not_me_anymoree Not_me_anymoree