Echoes of Your Fingers
Introduction
I close my eyes as tears continue to stream slowly down my face. I know he's still there even after I yelled at him to leave. I can hear him breathing softly against my neck, holding me, trying to make the pain go away. “You’re breaking my heart, Alex.”
“Don’t say that,” He buries his head in my neck, “please, please don’t say that. I don’t want to hurt you, Phoenix. I love you.”
“Quit saying that, Alex,” I murmur, “quit saying those…words.” I lift my head up to look into his chocolate, puppy dog eyes. He lifts his hand up and lightly wipes away my fallen tears with his thumb.
How could Alex do this to me? How could he cheat on me? It's disgusting. It's horrible, what some humans could do. Cheating is like killing my whole family. I just wanted to slice Alex’s throat open and drop his body in the ocean, watching with my binoculars as it drifted away.
“Why would you do this to me?” My bottom lip quivers. “What did I do to deserve this, Alex? Because if I did something wrong, tell me and I’ll change it. I’ll change it for us.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Alex sighs and looks into my eyes. “It’s me. I want sex so bad and you only give it to me, what, two times a month? I need more than that, Phoenix. And I didn’t want to pressure you. So I thought some harmless sex would be okay.”
“Harmless sex?” I scoff. “You could have gotten her pregnant. You could have contracted a STD. I’m sorry that I think about all these before I spread my legs!” I climb off the bed. “I can’t stay here with you. You're disgusting, Alex.”
“Phoenix,” Alex stands up and walks to me, “We’ve been together for five years…”
“Five years of lies and deceit.”
“It was only once. I want sex, Phoenix,” He whispers. “And Teagan was there to give it to me.”
I laugh sardonically. “You’re fucking gross.” I turn around on my heel and stomp out my room. Alex follows me, grabbing my arm and spinning me around.
“Please don’t do this.” I watch as tears build up in Alex’s eyes. I’ve never seen him cry and I don’t want to see it today.
I've been taught that cheating is a sin. You should never forgive a cheater, once a cheater, always a cheat, etc. My dad cheated on my mom, resulting in a huge divorce. Cheating is one of the worst things you could do to your lover.
“I...” I shake my head, picking my purse up from the living room, “I can’t be here Alex. I’ll come and pack a bag later, but I can’t look at you right now.” I don’t feel like a nineteen year old that just moved into a condo with her boyfriend. I feel like a thirty year old woman whose relationship is falling apart right in front of her eyes and she can't do anything but watch.
I watch as a tear trickles down his cheek and I back up toward the front door. “I’m sorry Phoenix.” He murmurs. I nod. “You’re just going to leave?” I stare at the ground, biting on my bottom lip cautiously.
“Yes,” I look up at him, furrowing my eyebrows together in anger, “you know my dad cheated on my mom and it tore our family apart. If you wanted more sex, you should have just…asked.”
Alex nods as I open the door. It's early, around five in the morning. It's getting lighter outside, but I could tell it's going to be a dreary, rainy day. Alex follows me out the door. “Can we talk…when you come back?”
I turn around at my car, staring into his sullen eyes. “Yeah,” I nod, “I just need to think. I’ll gonna go to Taryn’s.” He nods and I open my door, climbing in. He watches me as I back out the driveway and I drive off.
“Don’t say that,” He buries his head in my neck, “please, please don’t say that. I don’t want to hurt you, Phoenix. I love you.”
“Quit saying that, Alex,” I murmur, “quit saying those…words.” I lift my head up to look into his chocolate, puppy dog eyes. He lifts his hand up and lightly wipes away my fallen tears with his thumb.
How could Alex do this to me? How could he cheat on me? It's disgusting. It's horrible, what some humans could do. Cheating is like killing my whole family. I just wanted to slice Alex’s throat open and drop his body in the ocean, watching with my binoculars as it drifted away.
“Why would you do this to me?” My bottom lip quivers. “What did I do to deserve this, Alex? Because if I did something wrong, tell me and I’ll change it. I’ll change it for us.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Alex sighs and looks into my eyes. “It’s me. I want sex so bad and you only give it to me, what, two times a month? I need more than that, Phoenix. And I didn’t want to pressure you. So I thought some harmless sex would be okay.”
“Harmless sex?” I scoff. “You could have gotten her pregnant. You could have contracted a STD. I’m sorry that I think about all these before I spread my legs!” I climb off the bed. “I can’t stay here with you. You're disgusting, Alex.”
“Phoenix,” Alex stands up and walks to me, “We’ve been together for five years…”
“Five years of lies and deceit.”
“It was only once. I want sex, Phoenix,” He whispers. “And Teagan was there to give it to me.”
I laugh sardonically. “You’re fucking gross.” I turn around on my heel and stomp out my room. Alex follows me, grabbing my arm and spinning me around.
“Please don’t do this.” I watch as tears build up in Alex’s eyes. I’ve never seen him cry and I don’t want to see it today.
I've been taught that cheating is a sin. You should never forgive a cheater, once a cheater, always a cheat, etc. My dad cheated on my mom, resulting in a huge divorce. Cheating is one of the worst things you could do to your lover.
“I...” I shake my head, picking my purse up from the living room, “I can’t be here Alex. I’ll come and pack a bag later, but I can’t look at you right now.” I don’t feel like a nineteen year old that just moved into a condo with her boyfriend. I feel like a thirty year old woman whose relationship is falling apart right in front of her eyes and she can't do anything but watch.
I watch as a tear trickles down his cheek and I back up toward the front door. “I’m sorry Phoenix.” He murmurs. I nod. “You’re just going to leave?” I stare at the ground, biting on my bottom lip cautiously.
“Yes,” I look up at him, furrowing my eyebrows together in anger, “you know my dad cheated on my mom and it tore our family apart. If you wanted more sex, you should have just…asked.”
Alex nods as I open the door. It's early, around five in the morning. It's getting lighter outside, but I could tell it's going to be a dreary, rainy day. Alex follows me out the door. “Can we talk…when you come back?”
I turn around at my car, staring into his sullen eyes. “Yeah,” I nod, “I just need to think. I’ll gonna go to Taryn’s.” He nods and I open my door, climbing in. He watches me as I back out the driveway and I drive off.
11/14/12