Faux Iris
1/Gender Bender
My best-friend Emily began knocking on my door ‘act’ at around seven in the morning? I wasn’t quite sure but it was way too early for me to be up I had stayed up the previous night laying on my living room floor trying to get my cat to meow back at me, judging by the lightness of the sky I was nearly correct with the time. Since Emmy decided to knock furiously on my door, she woke up my little sister Sadie, who was sleeping on my couch she rolled off of the couch and thudded on the ground. Our mom was having some weird surgery that made her look ‘flawless’ as she put it, the previous night when she gushed on and on about it.
I groggily opened my door, just to be tackled I mean ‘hugged’ by Emmy who was holding a flip video camera, which had a red light on symbolizing it was recording. “Emily, is there a reason why you’re hugging-tackling me?” I groaned at her, Sadie moaned from where she had fallen on the floor. That attracted the attention of our cat Lucifer, whom darted out from behind the couch and snuggled into Sadie’s side and began mewing rapidly.
She pushed her face right in mine and began running her fingers through my black and blonde hair, which caused it to get even puffier and go in every direction, “You’re going to play Jack for me!” she then giggled.
I gave her an odd look, “Who is Jack Em?” I asked her while giving her a odd look.
She gawked at me, and her jaw hit the floor. She shoved her snout in my face again. “YOU DON’T KNOW WHO JACK IS!” She screeched at me, then pulled her face back and poked my nose with her index finger.
I just stared at her dumbly; I honestly had no clue on to who this Jack person was. “Yes, who is Jack?”
She paused the camera, and falsely glared at me. “So you don’t know who Jack Barakat is?”
I just shrugged and she pushed me into my bathroom. My sister and I lived in a small house that was added in next to a house and a school, which was also conveniently located in the middle of a small town in New York.
She then opened the door of the linen closet and pulled a metal stool out. She then ushered me to sit down. She impatiently tapped her foot and mumbled something about forgetting her bag in her car and sped out of the room.
I sat there picking at my nails, I didn’t dare to move. I really wanted to, I was fully awake now and I was a hyper anti-social girl with short hair and two different colored eyes who was terrified of her best friend from time to time. It wasn’t that she was scary; it was that when she was determined to do something she did it, angrily.
Soon enough, Emily who was swearing about how she needed to make me look just like a lanky man arrived back in my bathroom carrying three Wal-Mart bags filled with different things. I looked at her oddly, but she ignored the look and positioned the camera on my shelf and pressed the ‘record’ button. “Okay, this is my entry for the All Time Faux contest! I am using my friend Haddie as a test dummy!” she then evilly laughed and rubbed her hands together. Emily was honestly insane. Her sanity was on the moon, and she was running on all 9,000 thousand cylinders.
Her ranting continued, and took notice to what she was doing to me. First, she began teasing my hair in different directions and doing my makeup lightly. She then paused the camera, pulled my pajama shirt off of my body and wrapped my chest in an ace bandage, when I questioned her she simply stated that Jack didn’t have boobs.
Then, she made me wear dark brown contacts because this Jack person didn’t have heterochromia well that’s his letdown it’s awesome being weird.
After she made me a man, she dressed me in a shirt that said ‘Boner’ on it in red. Emily pulled off my pants, with the camera on which revealed my SpongeBob panties and forced me to wear skin tight black skinny’s. She then forcefully grabbed my foot and put black ankle socks on me and slipped on a pair of red toms that she bought for me to use. I felt bad about her buying these shoes, she was only a 6”1/2 in shoe sizes, I was a 9”/1/2. That pretty much meant she would never be able to wear them.
Once she slowly pulled me towards my room which had a body mirror, I was aching to move around. Through the whole process of her gender-bending me, I was tapping my foot and humming to a Nirvana song like a mad woman. (Or man?) When we arrived in my room, my sister was sitting there on my computer stalking people tumblr. Emily positioned me in front of the mirror, and my jaw dropped.
My hair had gotten attacked by a tiger, dipped in molasses and then run over by a lawn-mower. I was completely flat chested, the shirts made me appear lankier than I was and the pants made me bubble-butt free.
I was only allowed a golden second of looking at my gender-bend, because Emily then dragged me forcefully out of my bedroom and continued to torture me, first she made me take a picture sitting in the shower. Then it was under my table, then it was straddling my husky Boxer, then it was planking.
After she was finished with that, she made me make her a sandwich and took over my computer which was sitting on my kitchen table. She claimed that she had to ‘edit’ the photos and videos to make my gender-bend realistic.
I had then blabbed to her how I made a perfect man.
I groaned obnoxiously, “Man I can’t feel my boobs.”
Emily jumped out of her seat, and shot me her serial killer smirk and grabbed a knife from the knife rack, “Don’t take off the clothes, if you do I stab you in the face with this banana.” She held up the knife to prove a point.
I burst out laughing, for some reason this was funny. Maybe it was aliens; maybe it was the fact that I couldn’t feel my chest… Maybe it was Maybelline. “Dude, you dumb-ass that’s not a banana, it’s a knife.”
“Oh,” Emily then awkwardly set the knife down and sat back down.
I groggily opened my door, just to be tackled I mean ‘hugged’ by Emmy who was holding a flip video camera, which had a red light on symbolizing it was recording. “Emily, is there a reason why you’re hugging-tackling me?” I groaned at her, Sadie moaned from where she had fallen on the floor. That attracted the attention of our cat Lucifer, whom darted out from behind the couch and snuggled into Sadie’s side and began mewing rapidly.
She pushed her face right in mine and began running her fingers through my black and blonde hair, which caused it to get even puffier and go in every direction, “You’re going to play Jack for me!” she then giggled.
I gave her an odd look, “Who is Jack Em?” I asked her while giving her a odd look.
She gawked at me, and her jaw hit the floor. She shoved her snout in my face again. “YOU DON’T KNOW WHO JACK IS!” She screeched at me, then pulled her face back and poked my nose with her index finger.
I just stared at her dumbly; I honestly had no clue on to who this Jack person was. “Yes, who is Jack?”
She paused the camera, and falsely glared at me. “So you don’t know who Jack Barakat is?”
I just shrugged and she pushed me into my bathroom. My sister and I lived in a small house that was added in next to a house and a school, which was also conveniently located in the middle of a small town in New York.
She then opened the door of the linen closet and pulled a metal stool out. She then ushered me to sit down. She impatiently tapped her foot and mumbled something about forgetting her bag in her car and sped out of the room.
I sat there picking at my nails, I didn’t dare to move. I really wanted to, I was fully awake now and I was a hyper anti-social girl with short hair and two different colored eyes who was terrified of her best friend from time to time. It wasn’t that she was scary; it was that when she was determined to do something she did it, angrily.
Soon enough, Emily who was swearing about how she needed to make me look just like a lanky man arrived back in my bathroom carrying three Wal-Mart bags filled with different things. I looked at her oddly, but she ignored the look and positioned the camera on my shelf and pressed the ‘record’ button. “Okay, this is my entry for the All Time Faux contest! I am using my friend Haddie as a test dummy!” she then evilly laughed and rubbed her hands together. Emily was honestly insane. Her sanity was on the moon, and she was running on all 9,000 thousand cylinders.
Her ranting continued, and took notice to what she was doing to me. First, she began teasing my hair in different directions and doing my makeup lightly. She then paused the camera, pulled my pajama shirt off of my body and wrapped my chest in an ace bandage, when I questioned her she simply stated that Jack didn’t have boobs.
Then, she made me wear dark brown contacts because this Jack person didn’t have heterochromia well that’s his letdown it’s awesome being weird.
After she made me a man, she dressed me in a shirt that said ‘Boner’ on it in red. Emily pulled off my pants, with the camera on which revealed my SpongeBob panties and forced me to wear skin tight black skinny’s. She then forcefully grabbed my foot and put black ankle socks on me and slipped on a pair of red toms that she bought for me to use. I felt bad about her buying these shoes, she was only a 6”1/2 in shoe sizes, I was a 9”/1/2. That pretty much meant she would never be able to wear them.
Once she slowly pulled me towards my room which had a body mirror, I was aching to move around. Through the whole process of her gender-bending me, I was tapping my foot and humming to a Nirvana song like a mad woman. (Or man?) When we arrived in my room, my sister was sitting there on my computer stalking people tumblr. Emily positioned me in front of the mirror, and my jaw dropped.
My hair had gotten attacked by a tiger, dipped in molasses and then run over by a lawn-mower. I was completely flat chested, the shirts made me appear lankier than I was and the pants made me bubble-butt free.
I was only allowed a golden second of looking at my gender-bend, because Emily then dragged me forcefully out of my bedroom and continued to torture me, first she made me take a picture sitting in the shower. Then it was under my table, then it was straddling my husky Boxer, then it was planking.
After she was finished with that, she made me make her a sandwich and took over my computer which was sitting on my kitchen table. She claimed that she had to ‘edit’ the photos and videos to make my gender-bend realistic.
I had then blabbed to her how I made a perfect man.
I groaned obnoxiously, “Man I can’t feel my boobs.”
Emily jumped out of her seat, and shot me her serial killer smirk and grabbed a knife from the knife rack, “Don’t take off the clothes, if you do I stab you in the face with this banana.” She held up the knife to prove a point.
I burst out laughing, for some reason this was funny. Maybe it was aliens; maybe it was the fact that I couldn’t feel my chest… Maybe it was Maybelline. “Dude, you dumb-ass that’s not a banana, it’s a knife.”
“Oh,” Emily then awkwardly set the knife down and sat back down.
11/13/12