Important secrets
Chapter11
Fuck Alex you idiot. I shake my head and run back to my closet. I don’t know what to fucking wear and ugh.
“Alex! You got to leave soon if you want to get there in time!” my mother calls from downstairs making it feel like there is more pressure on my chest then normal. I can’t get the right look for Rian, I can’t…. do anything. UGH.
It’s like I can’t focus on anything so I settle on a white T-shirt and a blazer top which I push the sleeves up.
“Alex!” My mother calls again warning me.
“Coming Ma!” I call and grab my guitar before running downstairs. My mother walks out to the car ahead of me and starts driving the short distance to Jacks house. We pull up to see Rian and Jack sitting on the front lawn impatiently as their two mothers talk.
“Mom…” I groan as she steps out of the car and walks over to talk to Rian and Jacks moms. I walk over carrying my guitar to take a seat by Jack and Rian.
“Sorry I just made this take longer.” I sigh, Jack shrugs.
“I guess it’s better then making my mom stand out here by herself to meet Zack’s dad.”
“Is that the bassists name?” I raise an eyebrow.
“Yeah.” Jack giggles like a little girl, stands up, grabs my hands and starts jumping up and down.
“Excited much?” I laugh and set my guitar down.
“YES!” He laughs loudly and all of our mothers look at him jumping up and down alone. I laugh and join him. “AUGH THERE HE IS!” Jack yells as a van pulls up. A guy our age jumps out holding a bass case and a skateboard.
“Hey.” He waves at us, Jack runs over and gives Zack a hug. I look over at his dad who mutters something under his breath.
“Can you use that thing?” Rian calls. Zack shakes off Jack with a laugh and nods,
“You could say that.” Zack walks over to me and holds a hand out which I take and give him a ‘bro-hug’
“Alex, I play guitar and sing.” I smile at him, he nods.
“Then you’re Rian. Drummer?” Rian nods and salutes him from the ground.
“That’s my name, don’t wear it out.” Zack nods at him.
“Come on, Lets go inside.” Jack grins and walks ahead, Zack follows, I wait as Rian stands up to follow him. We walk into the kitchen to go into the basement, I grab Rian’s arm and pull him back.
“Rian. We need to talk.” I say in a way trying to give off the I won’t take no as an answer vibe my mom uses all the time.
“What?” He frowns and yanks his arm from my grip,
“What the hell happened at school today?” I sigh,
“Nothing.” Rian rubs the back of his head awkwardly.
“You were avoiding me!” I snap at him.
“So?” Rian groans and looks away.
“Is it because you know I’m gay?” The words are hard to say. My heart pounds anticipating the answer.
“No!” Rian looks back at me shocked.
“Then why?”
“I…” he stutters and closes his eyes thinking of what to say,
“What did I say to you, that made you figure it out?” I put a hand on his shoulder trying to regain his attention.
“You said you loved me!” Rian snaps back at me. His face starts to get red and his jaw flexes.
“Oh.” I drop my hand and look down. “Look… I don’t want that to ruin this whole band thing…” I whisper and look back up at Rian who is shaking his head slightly.
“It’s not. I’m just scared.” Rian looks at me with wide eyes, “It scares me that I feel the same. Does that make sense?”
“You’re gay?” I whisper my stomach all of a sudden feels really light inside of me.
“Yeah.” He laughs dryly. “I guess I just didn’t want to tell my feelings to you. I mean, what’s up with the whole Lisa thing?” I let out a sigh and rub my eyes.
“I was scared too. I needed to look straight and I thought you were and Lisa was throwing herself at me.” I shrug, “I don’t know. It just seemed to work out that way.” Rian nods and looks down.
“This sucks.”
“Wait.” I pause thinking over what he said, “You said you didn’t want to tell me your feelings. What feelings?”
“Uhm.” Rian laughs again nervously, “You can’t blame me. It’s just you’re so cute sometimes and…” I laugh a little and look him in the eyes.
“You like me back?” I say hopefully. Rian looks down at his feet and nods slightly before looking up at me with red cheeks. “Oh.” Is all I can say. Though I can feel the huge grin on my face.
“Yeah. I know.” Rian shakes his head and smiles.
“Fuck.” I groan and laugh a little. Not because anything is funny but because I’m happy.
“Yeah.” Rian laughs with me and looks up at me. “But we can’t go out.” He shakes his head and looks down the smile fading.
“What?” my heart falls in my chest. “Why?”
“Lisa. Erik. Every other judge mental asshole in our school.” Rian looks up at me with a pained expression on his face. One that I would do anything to wipe away. So I do the one thing I can think of. I reach forward grab the side of his face and pull his lips to mine.
“Rian?”
“Alex?”
“FINALLY!” We pull away immediately and look over to see Rian and my mom standing in the doorway. Jack stands behind Rian with a grin on his face.
Fuck.
“Alex! You got to leave soon if you want to get there in time!” my mother calls from downstairs making it feel like there is more pressure on my chest then normal. I can’t get the right look for Rian, I can’t…. do anything. UGH.
It’s like I can’t focus on anything so I settle on a white T-shirt and a blazer top which I push the sleeves up.
“Alex!” My mother calls again warning me.
“Coming Ma!” I call and grab my guitar before running downstairs. My mother walks out to the car ahead of me and starts driving the short distance to Jacks house. We pull up to see Rian and Jack sitting on the front lawn impatiently as their two mothers talk.
“Mom…” I groan as she steps out of the car and walks over to talk to Rian and Jacks moms. I walk over carrying my guitar to take a seat by Jack and Rian.
“Sorry I just made this take longer.” I sigh, Jack shrugs.
“I guess it’s better then making my mom stand out here by herself to meet Zack’s dad.”
“Is that the bassists name?” I raise an eyebrow.
“Yeah.” Jack giggles like a little girl, stands up, grabs my hands and starts jumping up and down.
“Excited much?” I laugh and set my guitar down.
“YES!” He laughs loudly and all of our mothers look at him jumping up and down alone. I laugh and join him. “AUGH THERE HE IS!” Jack yells as a van pulls up. A guy our age jumps out holding a bass case and a skateboard.
“Hey.” He waves at us, Jack runs over and gives Zack a hug. I look over at his dad who mutters something under his breath.
“Can you use that thing?” Rian calls. Zack shakes off Jack with a laugh and nods,
“You could say that.” Zack walks over to me and holds a hand out which I take and give him a ‘bro-hug’
“Alex, I play guitar and sing.” I smile at him, he nods.
“Then you’re Rian. Drummer?” Rian nods and salutes him from the ground.
“That’s my name, don’t wear it out.” Zack nods at him.
“Come on, Lets go inside.” Jack grins and walks ahead, Zack follows, I wait as Rian stands up to follow him. We walk into the kitchen to go into the basement, I grab Rian’s arm and pull him back.
“Rian. We need to talk.” I say in a way trying to give off the I won’t take no as an answer vibe my mom uses all the time.
“What?” He frowns and yanks his arm from my grip,
“What the hell happened at school today?” I sigh,
“Nothing.” Rian rubs the back of his head awkwardly.
“You were avoiding me!” I snap at him.
“So?” Rian groans and looks away.
“Is it because you know I’m gay?” The words are hard to say. My heart pounds anticipating the answer.
“No!” Rian looks back at me shocked.
“Then why?”
“I…” he stutters and closes his eyes thinking of what to say,
“What did I say to you, that made you figure it out?” I put a hand on his shoulder trying to regain his attention.
“You said you loved me!” Rian snaps back at me. His face starts to get red and his jaw flexes.
“Oh.” I drop my hand and look down. “Look… I don’t want that to ruin this whole band thing…” I whisper and look back up at Rian who is shaking his head slightly.
“It’s not. I’m just scared.” Rian looks at me with wide eyes, “It scares me that I feel the same. Does that make sense?”
“You’re gay?” I whisper my stomach all of a sudden feels really light inside of me.
“Yeah.” He laughs dryly. “I guess I just didn’t want to tell my feelings to you. I mean, what’s up with the whole Lisa thing?” I let out a sigh and rub my eyes.
“I was scared too. I needed to look straight and I thought you were and Lisa was throwing herself at me.” I shrug, “I don’t know. It just seemed to work out that way.” Rian nods and looks down.
“This sucks.”
“Wait.” I pause thinking over what he said, “You said you didn’t want to tell me your feelings. What feelings?”
“Uhm.” Rian laughs again nervously, “You can’t blame me. It’s just you’re so cute sometimes and…” I laugh a little and look him in the eyes.
“You like me back?” I say hopefully. Rian looks down at his feet and nods slightly before looking up at me with red cheeks. “Oh.” Is all I can say. Though I can feel the huge grin on my face.
“Yeah. I know.” Rian shakes his head and smiles.
“Fuck.” I groan and laugh a little. Not because anything is funny but because I’m happy.
“Yeah.” Rian laughs with me and looks up at me. “But we can’t go out.” He shakes his head and looks down the smile fading.
“What?” my heart falls in my chest. “Why?”
“Lisa. Erik. Every other judge mental asshole in our school.” Rian looks up at me with a pained expression on his face. One that I would do anything to wipe away. So I do the one thing I can think of. I reach forward grab the side of his face and pull his lips to mine.
“Rian?”
“Alex?”
“FINALLY!” We pull away immediately and look over to see Rian and my mom standing in the doorway. Jack stands behind Rian with a grin on his face.
Fuck.
Notes
HEY YOU GUYSTHEY KISSED UGH FINALLY
SO YEAH
AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO IS HAPPY
~Rae.Barakitten
8/3/13