Nikki

Everything was quiet. I didn't feel anymore. I didn't exist.

Austin

["Don't you see?" the boy -- Austin -- whispers to the wall. "It was all for us. I did it for us."]

They took me away to a police station. Where I was booked, interrogated, and shoved into a cell.

"Now you know," I smirk. "Now you know everything, Mr. Mileston."

I fell asleep.

Alex

The next morning, I woke with my head buried in my knees and a scratchy blanket wrapped around my shoulders.

The room was cold. I didn't feel like unfolding myself from the plush chair I'd fallen asleep in. And I was afraid to look. I was afraid to look at Nikki's lifeless body on the bed.

Her dad was there. I met him the night it happened when he drove down from northern Minnesota; they looked exactly alike. That only hurt more. Knowing her doppleganger in man form was asleep across the room, probably feeling more pain than I'll ever know.

I didn't ever say it aloud to Nikki, but looking back on it, I loved her. I think I really loved her.

Austin had stabbed her in the stomach and ripped up when I had shoved him away. This caused, first of all, stomach acids to eat away the other organs, and another, a major blood vessel to rip. Explaining the excessive blood loss at the site. I felt that it was my fault, all my fault. The upwards motion of the knife, and the stabbing in general. It wouldn't have happened if I didn't get with the girl he had a little crush on in the first place.

All my fault. All my fault that she was laying in that fucking bed, breathing tubes in her nose, monitor after monitor looking after her, and different machines to keep her organs running.

I opened my eyes. Her dad was asleep on the couch in the corner, the underside of his eyes wet. I shivered.

I dared to turn my head to the right. She was there, eyes closed. I want them to open so badly, for her mouth to smile and say, "Hi, Alex."

I felt tears begin to form in my eyes. I scowled and looked away from her, from my mistake.

"Alex," a voice whispered. I hope it was Nikki's but I know I'm wrong.

I couldn't be hers. It was her father. He was sitting up and watching me, his brow furrowed.

"Alex," he repeated. "Come here."

I couldn't bring myself to walk. I wanted to join him, but I couldn't. If I got any closer to her body, I would only break down and cry.

Suddenly, he was there, his arms around me. And we cried together.

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On Sunday, September 29th, 2012, Nikki's father (Marcus) decided it was necessary to pull the plug. That Nikki wasn't anything living. She was just a machine.

I left the room when she died, technically. Although I knew that amazing spirit and love she had inside of her wasn't there anymore, I couldn't bear to see the remnants of it float away.

When she left, I could feel it. It was like her soul was trapped inside of a cage that looked exactly like Nikki.

It was the most horrible thing I ever did feel.

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Come December, and the snow is falling hard.

It is the thirtieth. A little over three months since Nikki passed away, and all is silent.

I look at my phone sometimes at the texts we sent each other while she stayed at my house, stupid things like: "I can hear you fapping in the bathroom get back here" or "jesus christ where are the tacos".

Sometimes I called her phone just to hear her voicemail. But soon her phone would get disconnected. I wasn't sure when that would be. So I should get around to recording it, 'cos I never wanted to lose it. Even if there were numerous videos of interviews with her, and videos on my phone from when she stayed over, and her music of course...

I still liked calling the voicemail. Because it was like she was talking to me, only me

Her band was on the search for a new vocalist and drummer. But they were hesitant. They didn't quite want to find a new one, and were on the verge of just quitting completely. I didn't blame them.

Your vocalist was dead. Your drummer was psychotic. Spanky whispered to me at the funeral that he wouldn't go on either way. He was done.

But there I sat, in the snow, with a boquet of bright red roses.

Fat flakes fell from the sky and dotted her headstone one by one, but never once touching her name. Even in death, she was untouchable.

All around it was silent. It was funny the way it got that way in the winter. When show soaks up all the surrounding noise.

Again, it was just us. Just me and Nikki.

"I love you," I whispered to the silence; I set down the roses, and left.

The End