Alex PoV
I couldn’t be gay. I wasn’t gay. I mean I knew Jack was gay but there was something special about him. It didn’t bother be that he was gay not like it would bother Tom. I hadn’t known him long but I think I was still falling for him. My brother was so anti-gay it was so unbelievable. I mean we were in 2010 for goodness sake and my brother hated gay people. Little did he know that his so called best friend was gay although Josh and my brother were inseparable they never had been ever since I can remember. I was really starting to fall for Jack even more than I already was. I mean I still liked. Liked loved Tay. Oh dear I was starting to dream about him (not that I minded or cared) I just didn’t want my brother to find out or Jack would be in trouble for sure. I know my brother; Josh and Mark would try and kill him. If not they would leave him for dead. I didn’t want Jack hurt because of me. It just wouldn’t be fair. I also knew if my brother found out there would be no way it would be a secret anymore no matter how much I begged him not to tell people the entire school would find out . My brother and his mates have a huge influence on the school and everyone believed what they said even if it was total bullshit. (The only reason my brother would find out is because I have a tendency to talk in my sleep and sometimes it can be quit loud and my brother doesn’t go to sleep till late. So there’s a huge chance that he might hear me. He also might hear me if he comes into my room which he does quite often. I hate it. ) Why does my life have to be so complicated. At least I have another idea for a song that’s how I usually express my thoughts and feelings through songs it feels good. I have written about good times and bad times. I was in the middle of writing when suddenly “Alex” my brother ran in to my room yelling.
“What?” came my confused reply
“You know what. You little fuck. Is it true?” My brother yelled angrily
“No I don’t, I have no clue what you’re on about “I played it cool. I hoped he didn’t find out about me and Jack. If he has I’m in big trouble.
“You and that gay faggot Barakat were kissing. I told you, you would catch gay off him. If you hung around with him too much. Now look what he’s done to you. My little baby brother ruined. He will pay for this. I’m ringing josh and Mark right now to get this mess sorted 2” my brother yelled infuriated.
“No we weren’t kissing. You know you can’t believe everything you heat at Brookside and please don’t hurt him. And you can’t catch gay just to let you know”. I was starting to get annoyed. My brother and his Anti-gayness “Anyway why does it matter if I’m gay. It doesn’t make any difference if I kiss boys or girls” I replied although knew it was the wrong thing to say to calm the situation and get him off my case.
“Alex being gay is dirty and wrong. It shouldn’t be allowed .Boys just shouldn’t date boys it’s just morally wrong. If it was right god wouldn’t have made girls. I think you should get back to that lovely little bird you had a few days ago. Before I get her and fuck her. She looks like she’ll be a good fuck “
“Eww” I said disgusted “Is that all you ever think about. Weather a girl will be a good fuck or not! Well I hate it and I hate to tell you that aren’t the reason girls exist. You have to treat them with respect”
“Little brother “ My brother said patronizingly “There is a lot you have got to learn .All girls were made for was to help us guys when we feel horny so we have something to shag . To have babies to cook and clean. If you take a look back in history that’s all girls ever did “
“Yea but if you take a look back in history you would have to marry who your parents picked out. So if mum and dad decided that they wanted you to marry Ashleigh you would have to. Things change people’s attitudes changes towards things like arranged marriages. Change made peoples think that arranged marriages are wrong well most people do. Well in England anyway.”
“Still I don’t what you say. All girls are good for is shagging, making babies, cooking, shopping and cleaning.”
“That’s really disrespectful towards females”
“Oh look at little baby Alex getting all defensive. I think Barakat may have turned you into a fag “
“Oh for goodenessake Tom” I yelled at my brother “Just grow up and get some fucking sense knocked into that fucking thick skull of yours. You can’t catch gay and how about I have a girlfriend who I love “(although that was true I loved Jack more but I wasn’t about to tell that to Tom he didn’t need to know that)
“Shut up Alex. I know a fag when I see one “Tom yelled at me. I then left slamming the door behind me. I started running for some reason. I ran to Jacks. Thankfully Jack answered the door. I started sobbing. We then went to Jacks room.
“What’s wrong sweetheart?” Jack asked soothingly
“I just had a huge argument with my brother “
“Aww I’m sorry Lexy”
“I’m also. I am so confused towards you and towards Tay” (By this time Jack was playing with my hair I found this really comforting)
“I know, I know Jack soothed “