Once Rian left on Monday, I was questioning a lot.

Cass and him were together, and they barely ever saw each other. She was always really busy, and he was too. Between going on tours, or recording, or whatever, I didn't know how they really made time to see each other.

But unlike Cass, I wasn't in a pop-punk band. I wasn't able to go fly out to see my boyfriend, or even tour with him like they had. I was a high school student. I was 17.

Somehow, I had to make this work. Jack would obviously try his best, too. But I just needed self assurance that this relationship would work out. I understood that there was Skype, texting, and phone calls. But would that actually be enough when I only wanted his touch? His lips against mine, his hand intertwined. Would I grow lonely? Would he find someone else whilst on tour? Or what if he just didn't want the long distance, and found someone in Baltimore that he could easily see whenever off of tour?

I wouldn't find anyone else, easy to say. Or, if I did, it wouldn't be the same.

Laying in bed, I looked at my bedside table. I picked up an acceptance letter from University of Baltimore which I had recieved months ago. I needed to choose a college soon. Since then, I had been graduated into many more colleges, including Michigan State, and (believe it or not), Notre Dame. I had so many choices, little time. I would go to school for an education. Part of me wanted to go to Baltimore to be closer to Jack. Another part of me longed to go Michigan State. It was closer to home, and had a very good reputation for education.

I had to choose a school soon, that was the final line. My mom wanted me to go to a community college for a year, and then go to a university. The thought of doing that was in the back of my mind. That, and taking a year off. I had a relationship. Somehow, I had to try to balance it with schooling.

What did I actually want to grow up and be? I was good with numbers- I could be an accountant. But sitting at an desk for stupid hours was a boring thought. I actually wanted to have some sort of fun in my life. Studying your ass off for years needed some award. Maybe that reward was Jack.

But it wasn't like all jobs needed to have some sort of degree. I could easily make a living being with Jack and having a waitress job, or something.

I let out a sigh of stress. My head started to pound.

Jack looked up from the pillow he had his head resting upon. "What's wrong?" He propped an elbow up, and stared up at me with his large, dark eyes.

I shrugged. "School, I guess,"

He peered at the letter in my hand. He laid back down, and gazed at the ceiling. "You know," he started. "if you and I get married, you wouldn't even have to get a job."

I set the letter back down. "But Jack, I don't want to be useless. I need to do something. I just can't depend on you to do everything. I'm not a gold digger!"

He snorted. "I know, I know. But I see what stress does to people, Mace. I don't want you to end up getting too worked up over school and jobs. I do what I love, and make money while doing it. I know what type of person you are, you'd end up growing miserable."

I rubbed my face. "So what are you saying, Barakat?"

"If you want to do something, that's fine. But you could do something without school. You could marry me, you could always be a housewife. Or, you could always do something with All Time Low."

"I'd probably end up cussing an annoying fan out,"

Jack grinned. "Out of jealousy? Or are you just angry?"

"Probably both. But would I even be jealous of? It's not like they could do this." I bent over, kissing his forehead.

"You're right. Macy, what do you even want to do?"

"Be with you forever."

"Me too, but I meant job wise."

I thought for a second. "Get away," I said. "Leave Ohio, go see places. Go see the world,"

He sat up. "Then come with us, Macy! Tour with us. The guys like you, it's not like it'd be an actual issue."

I looked at him. "How good's the pay?" I joked.

"I'm serious."

I huffed. "I'll think about it. You sure that the guys wouldn't mind a girlfriend hangin' around?"

"Of course not," He sat back up.

I needed to stop talking, and thinking about this. My mind was getting clustered with the thought of actually having to grow up and make a living. I felt numb thinking about it. "So what's on the agenda today?"

"I have to start thinking about when I'm leaving."

The conversation I was dreading was finally happening. "I'll miss you." I didn't want to say that, it slipped out. I wanted to stay strong, show him that it wouldn't bother me.

He grabbed my hand, and started to rub my fingers. "I'll miss you, too. But it won't be for long. We managed to make it through a few months. Who says we can't make it through another few?"

I realized that during the summer my time with him wouldn't be limited to a few days, or a couple of weeks. I had months. Even after summer, I had options. Now that Jack proposed the offer of touring with All Time Low, I had a few choices. "You're right," I said.

"What are you doing during the summer?"

"Hopefully, spending time with you."

"At least we're on the same page."

I rested on my head on shoulder. "I want to stay with you in Baltimore."

"How would your parents like that idea?"

I frowned. Just because I was out of high school, wouldn't mean that they'd exactly like the idea of their seventeen year old daughter going to another state with her twenty one year old boyfriend.

Fuck age.

~

When I got home the next day from school, my mom was sitting on the couch, eyes worried. Her strong hands gripped a coffee mug. Tears were falling from her eyes.

I threw my bags on the ground. "Where's dad?"

She looked up to me and choked on a sob.

Divorce? No, not a divorce. My dad and mom loved each other way too much. If they got a divorce, my mom wouldn't be crying, she'd be screaming and throwing stuff.

I walked over to her, drapping an arm over her shoulders. "Mom, what's wrong?"

"Sweetie. Your father was driving to work today. The ground is icy, and a truck swirved into his lane. His car is destroyed. The wreck was head-on."

"He isn't-"

"I'm so sorry."

In total and utter shock, I got up, and walked to my room. I sat on my bed. I let out a shriek that burnt my throat. I grabbed a pillow and bit it. Tears started to fall.

My heart was broken. There wasn't a doubt about it. I felt numb. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I didn't want to believe that Daddy was dead.

I gulped and started to scream. I tried getting up, but my knees went out. I curled up on the ground. I gasped for air, but I couldn't find it. I laid there for the longest time, shaking.

My dad was dead.

Notes

you guys didn't really meet the girls' dad, so the next chapter will have a lot of flashbacks and stuff. i'll probably end up writing it today!:) don't worry either, jack WILL be in it.