No Regrets

Valentine's POV

"I'm gonna miss you so much!" Molly said while hugging me. "I'm gonna miss you, too" I mumbled in her hair. We pulled away and I hugged aunt Julia and uncle Richard, too. They thanked me for looking after Molly and then we said our goodbyes. They waved me while driving away. When they were gone, I turned around and walked in the building of my apartment. In an hour Jack and Alex would pick me up for the hairdresser. I took the elevator and walked out on my floor. I took the keys from my pocket and opened the door. My apartment wasn't really clean so I decided to clean it in this hour. I took a Linkin Park CD from my CD collection and put it in my CD-player. The first song from their newest album 'Living Things' sounded through my apartment and I started to clean the bathroom.

I sat on the stairs outside the building of my apartment and waited for Jack and Alex. I heard the familiar car driving around the corner and parking in front of me. I got up from the stairs and walked to the car. I opened the backseat door and sat down. "Hi guys" I said a bit awkward because I didn't know how to talk to Jack and if Alex knew it. "Hi" the both said at the same time. Fall Out Boy was blasting from the radio. The drive was quiet and a bit awkward sometimes. We parked in front of a hairdresser I was never been before. We walked inside and were greeted by a tall and blond woman. She was really pretty and an awesome body. Her hair was long and in a ponytail. "Hey guys! I bet you're Valentine, I'm Tally" she introduced herself and we shook hands. "Hi" I simply said and smiled. She pointed at the different chairs and I sat in between Jack and Alex. We all said what we wanted and she began her work. I didn't say a word to Jack the entire time. Actually we three just sat there and watched what Tally was doing. After two hour she was drying my hair. I got side swept bangs and bright purple hair. Alex got a pink fringe and Jack got one side of his hair blond and the other black. When she was finished we thanked her and paid her. Before we left, we took a pic of us three and Jack put it on Twitter.

@JackAllTimeLow: Skunky, Pinky-Boy and Purpletine! @AlexAllTimeLow @ValNoRegrets

"Alex is driving us to my house, then we can talk" Jack informed me when we sat in the car again. I nodded and looked out the window. After some minutes we pulled in the driveway of Jack's house. Jack and me got out of the car and said goodbye to Alex. Then we walked in Jack's house and sat on the couch in the living room. We awkwardly sat there and didn't really know what to say. "Sooo...Uh, I need to talk to you about...this night" Jack began and seemed a bit nervous. I nodded. "On that party I was really, really wasted. I don't really remembered what I was doing or saying. I just remember one thing. I totally regret what I was doing there..." he began. Wait, was he talking about our night? Why is he regretting? I don't regret it at all...! "Alex had this stupid uh idea. He was really wasted, too. He bet for 50 dollars...that...that I'll sleep with you that night" he told and looked ashamed. "What?! So I was a stupid bet?!" I yelled and stood up. Why was he doing this to me? I thought he did it because...he liked me. But it seems like I'm nothing for him. "Listen, I'm really, really sorry. I feel so horrible about that" he admitted and stood up, too. "No! I'm just a stupid bet for you?!" I yelled with tears in my eyes. "Valentine, I'm so sorry. I didn't just do it because of the bet. I realized in that night that...that I like you" he said and looked at the floor. "No! Don't tell me that! You're just a stupid and reckless asshole!" I yelled and run out the door. "Valentine! Please wait!" I heard him yell behind me. I didn't turn around or look at him, I was just running in a random direction.

I ended up in a park, crying on a bench. It was now really late and it was already dark. I wiped my tears away and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I dialed Ian's number and waited until he picked up. "Hi Ian, can you pick me up? I'm in the park" I asked before he said something. "Are you crying? What happened?" he asked worried. "I'll tell you when you're here" I said and hung up. At least someone cares about me. For Jack and Alex I'm just someone you can bet and sleep with. Why did Jack do this to me? And after all that he told me that he likes me. I can't believe him or trust him. I hate him for that what he did to me. I hate myself for not realizing why he slept with me. The tears were again streaming down my cheeks. "C'mon sugar" I heard Ian say next to me. I didn't notice that he was next to me, I think I was sobbing too loud. He took my hand and helped me to stand up. We walked to his car and I sat on the seat. While he drove me to his house, I was still crying and he just sat quiet there. When we pulled in his driveway he helped me to back out of the car and walked in his house. I sat on his couch and he sat next to me. I slowly calmed down. "You wanna talk about it?" he asked. I nodded and swiped my tears away. I told him about everything that happened. From our night to the things he told me today. "That asshole" said Ian when I was finished. "I'm gonna kill him. No one is allowed to do this to my sister!" he said angry. He balled his hands to a fist. "It's okay. Can I stay here?" I asked. "Yeah sure. You can stay as long as you want" he said and hugged me. "I'm really sorry" he said and hugged me once more before I said goodnight walked up the stairs. Right next to Ian's room was his guests room. I walked inside and walked straight in the bathroom. I took a shower and looked at myself in the mirror. I was still so skinny and my scars didn't look really attractive. When I looked at my scars, I remembered the time when I was self harming. And I remembered how good it felt. But I didn't want to begin it again, I was clean for such a long time now and I didn't want to throw that away. It was really hard to stop that. I changed into some clothes from Ian and then went to bed.

I woke up because of the sun shining straight in my face. I rubbed my eyes and got out of the bed. It smelt so nice after pancakes from downstairs. I felt like teenager again. Always when I didn't feel good, Ian always made me pancakes back then. I walked down the stairs and sat at the table. "Good morning. You feel a bit better?" he asked and put the finished pancakes on a plate on the table. "Not really" I said and rubbed my eyes again. He made a sad smile and sat at the table, too. "Oh hey, Tim just called me. We have to do an interview today" he informed me and put some pancakes first on mine and then on his plate. "Nah, really? I don't feel like doing an interview today" I said and looked down. "Hm, if you want I can go with Steve and Jerry. Bob is already on holiday with his girlfriend. You can stay here if you want" he suggested. "Yes, that would be nice. Thanks" I thanked and tried to smile. I wasn't hungry even though the pancakes smelt awesome. "Why are you not eating?" he asked while chewing. "I'm not hungry" I said and took a sip of the coffee. "Valentine, please eat something" he said serious. "I'm really not hungry. But I'll eat something later, I promise" I lied. I knew that I'll eat nothing today because when I'm sad, I never eat. And I knew that he didn't believe me, he knew me. "Anyway, I have to go now. I'll see you later today" he said and kissed my forehead. He took his things and left me alone in his huge house. I drank the rest of the coffee and then went into the guests room again. I just wanted to spend my day lying on my bed and doing nothing. That's just the thing that I was doing. Until Ian came home again after some hours. He called for my name but I didn't answer. I was too busy trying to not cut myself. "Valentine?" he called again and walked up the stairs. He opened the door and saw me crying on the bed. He walked to me and sat on the bed. "I can't see you like this anymore. I saw you too many times like this. The only difference is, that this time it's because of a guy" he said and hugged me. "Why did he do this?" I asked sobbing. "I don't know" he said sad. "Did you...cut?" he asked curious. First I was a bit angry that he asked that, but then I realized that he just cares about me. "No, I didn't. I was thinking about this the whole day but I didn't do it" I answered and calmed down a bit. Just some tears were running down my cheeks but it wasn't that bad anymore. "I'm so fucking proud of you, Val" he said and hugged me. Someone who believes in me and someone who cares about me. My brother is just the best.

'PUT A GUN TO MY HEAD NOW AND PAINT THE WALLS WITH MY BRAIN! ' was blasting through my earphones. Always when I listen to Bring Me The Horizon I feel better. The song ended and I left my bed, which I haven't left for the last days. I walked down the stairs and saw Ian sitting on the couch in the living room and watching a random channel. "Hey, you finally stood up" he said cheerily. I just smiled weakly and sat next to him. "Oh hey, Tim called me and said as soon as Bob is home from his holiday, we're gonna make our first music video. Probably to the song 'Myself'" he said while watching the show on tv. "Oh, okay" I said a bit lost in thoughts. "Do you wanna do something special today? I mean because you got up from the bed" he asked and turned his head so he could look in my eyes. "Actually yes, I have something planned" I said and smiled a bit.

"Okay, are you ready?" the guy asked before he did his work. I nodded but tried not to move too much. In the next moment I would feel the cold metal push through the right side of my bottom lip. I closed my eyes because it hurt a bit. The piercer reached to the little table next to him and took the piercing. He carefully put it in my bottom lip and closed it. Then he cleaned the blood away, it just bleeded a bit not much. "Okay, that's it" he said and placed the mirror in front of me. I looked in it and saw my new piercing. I caferully touched it and then smiled. I thanked the piercer and highfived Ian. We paid and then left. While driving I couldn't stop touching my new piercing. Even Ian couldn't resist sometimes. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and opened Twitter.

@ValNoRegrets: just got a lip piercing as sign that I stopped selfharming. It's also a reminder to not begin it again ;)

I sended the tweet with a pic of me and my new piercing and then scrolled down in my timeline. After some minutes we arrived at Ian's home and we got out of the car. We walked in his house and I sat on the couch. Ian walked in the kitchen and was making some food. I took my laptop on my lap and went on Twitter. I didn't really look at my Twitter account for the last days. Just went on it to tweet something and then went offline again. But this time I wanted to do a round questions & answers.

@ValNoRegrets: you guys down for a round Q&A? :)

I went through my mentions and picked some questions I was gonna answer.

[these names are invented by me, sorry if this name is yours and I used it]

@Inka_loves_NR: @ValNoRegrets did you hear some of ATLs new songs from their upcoming album?

@ValNoRegrets: @Inka_loves_NR uh, no I haven't

@Klara2397: @ValNoRegrets what was the weirdest thing that happened on tour yet?

@ValNoRegrets: @Klara2397 probably when Steve wanted to tattoo himself with a pencil when he was drunk :')

I answered some more of those questions until Ian made us some sandwiches for dinner. That was a usual Ian-dinner. He's not a really good cook. But he can make some good sandwiches and pancakes though.

When I went through my timeline on Twitter, I saw a tweet by Jack. I didn't think about him the last hours. Well but I did the last days. I'm tired of this sadness and everything. I just wanna be happy and live the life I want. And if that means without Jack, then I have to live with that. But I don't wanna live without him. We became really close friends through tour and I don't wanna throw that away. He just can't throw me away. I'm not just a stupid bet. I'm a fucking person with feels! Why did he do this to me?

The next morning wasn't that lucky like the other. I kinda managed it to forget about Jack for the last day but this morning all the feelings came back. I woke up crying because I dreamt about him. About our night. It was more like a nightmare version of it. I hugged my legs and just sat on the bed crying.

"Val, I have to tell you something" Jack suddenly said through the kisses. We were lying in a bed, naked. We just did it and were still kissing eachother. "What? Can't that wait?" I asked a bit confused. Why does he want me to tell something now? "No, it can't" he said seriously. I rolled my eyes and put my head on his chest. "This night really meant a lot to me. And I think I'm in love with you. But there's one thing I have to tell you. I just slept with you because of 50 dollars. Alex and I bet that I can lay you tonight. Well, I did it. Now you can leave. Oh wait, I take that 'I'm in love with you' back, that's a lie" he said like it's nothing special. My eyes were wide open and I looked him in his eyes. "Are you serious?!" I yelled and stood up from the bed. He just nodded and closed his eyes to sleep. "Jack, is everything okay?" I suddenly heard Alex yell from the hallway. Just then the door opened and Alex stood in the room. And I was standing next to the bed, naked. Alex put his hand in front of his mouth and then burst out laughing. I tried to cover myself but kinda failed. I began to cry and scream around and couldn't believe what was happening.

Jack's POV

"Jack, you can't do that" Alex yelled behind me. I didn't care, I just walked straight to the door and rang the bell. "C'mon, I bet she doesn't want to see you" Alex said again and touched my shoulder. He wanted me to leave and let her be. But I didn't want that, I just didn't want to throw our whole friendship away because of that. I mean yeah, I didn't something really, really, really stupid and I wish I didn't do it, but I can't turn the time back, so I need to talk to her. But it seemed like she wasn't at home or just didn't want to open the door. "See, she's not at home. C'mon let's go" Alex said and already walked back to his car. Damn, why did she have to live in a apartment? So I can't see if there are any lights in some of her rooms. Maybe she really wasn't at home. I shook my head and walked to Alex and sat in the car. I need to see her. I need to talk to her. I know, maybe she doesn't want to see me, but I need to explain everything to her. Yeah, maybe you think I already said everything that I could say, but no. There's more and she needs to know. But maybe Alex is right: she doesn't want to talk. Maybe I need to let her alone for some time.

[please tell me what you think!!! I need some opinios ;D and if you want to listen to the song by BMTH, I put it on the right somewhere ;') and I'm so sorry that maybe Jack seems like he's a total asshole in this story...but I promise, it will get better ;)]