Mange Me, I'm A Mess
You And I Might Not Be The Best Thing
Kassi Lynn
The bus stopped way too quickly, making my heart race. Everyone was racing off the bus, excited for the freedom off the cramped contraption. Alex was waiting for me outside, but I knew it would be bad news if I got off. So I went to the back lounge and popped in The Little Mermaid, trying to calm my nerves.
"You're not getting off the bus?" I heard Matt question behind me. Turning to face him, I nodded, then put my attention to the movie again. "Alex is waiting for you." He tried to get my attention again, making me sigh. I clicked off the movie, and sat towards him.
"It's not the best idea to see anyone right now." I announced, making Matt look with me with a questioned look.
"You don't have to explain. I'll tell the driver he can take a break and you can stay on, alright? I'll tell Alex." He stated, making me sigh in relief.
"Thank you. I owe you one." I smiled at him, making him shake his head. Soon enough I was left alone on the bus with my thoughts.
I couldn't go home. I knew things were going to be rough once I get through the front door and my father wasn't going to be there. I knew it was going to be hard to grab the rest of my shit and close the door on where I lived through my whole entire life. How can I tell anyone that my father can't afford a house and his addictions. That he gave up a roof over his head just so he can drink sorrow away. That he's driving around in his broken down pick up truck, sleeping night over night in it. He wouldn't even let me help him pay for the house. I didn't want to go back and have the closure. I'm not ready to let any of it go.
"Kass? Don't you want to see your dad?" Alex's voice interrupted my conversation in my head.
"I don't think he's around right now." Lying through my teeth, he grabbed my hand, pulling me off the leather couch.
"You won't know until you see!" He smiled, leading me off the bus, in the direction of my house. I felt my heart race as we made it to my front door. Alex stood behind me, with a goofy grin on his face. Usually this would make me smile and make my heart melt over the cuteness of this all, but this situation was a little too far from serious. Pushing open the wooden door, I slowly walked upstairs, pausing at my father's room.
"Alex, can you wait in the living room for a second?" I asked, tears threatening to spill over. Alex was oblivious, and made his way down the stairs. When I walked into my father's room, that's when it all came crashing down. Beer cans were scattered along the brown carpet, almost actually covering the whole entire flooring. Stains were plastered onto the wallpaper, the green almost looking brown. Now the bed, there were white stains onto the blue sheets, making me cover my mouth in disgust. I was full on sobbing at this point, just wondering how it went so downhill.
"Kass?!" I heard my boyfriend call out, probably hearing me kick cans around in my phase of anger and sadness.
"I'm fine!" I choked out, slamming his door, running into my own room. I hardly recognized where I slept for the last eighteen years of my life. My walls were painted over, white chips covering the purple plaster. Garbage was pilled on the floors, along with clothes. My belongings were pilled in a brown box, a note laying over it. Picking it up, I let myself break down.
Dear Kassi,
I spent eighteen years raising you, and half of them I spent alone. I loved you dearly, but I knew this was the way life was going to turn out. You will accomplish your dreams, and soon forget about me. When I see you on TV, i'll be able to say you're my little girl, even when I left everything behind. I'm sorry. I love you baby girl.
Love,
Your father
I didn't waste anytime leaving my room. Letting the tears stain my face, I walked down the stairs with the brown box with the last of my belongings.
"Let's go." I said silently, letting Alex following me out the door. I felt his arms go around me, making me drop the box in surprise. Great, now all my shit was in the middle of the street.
"What's going on Kass?" Alex asked quietly, letting me stand his embrace. I shook my head, wanting these thoughts to get out of my head. I felt tears leaking through my eyes again, and I let myself fall onto the street. Before I could hit the ground, Alex caught me, bringing my head into his chest, sobbing. He whispered soft words of comfort, trying to calm me down. When I calmed down a bit, I told him the whole story, about how now I had no where to go after tour.
"You can move in with me love." Alex suggested, nibbling my ear.
"Really?" I asked hopefully.
"Of course. Now let's go get you on the bus and get you tucked in." He winked, making me smile slightly.
"Getting tucked in by Alex Gaskarth? Don't mind if I do." I smirked, making him laugh.
Even with the worst of times, he knew how to make me feel just a little bit better.
The bus stopped way too quickly, making my heart race. Everyone was racing off the bus, excited for the freedom off the cramped contraption. Alex was waiting for me outside, but I knew it would be bad news if I got off. So I went to the back lounge and popped in The Little Mermaid, trying to calm my nerves.
"You're not getting off the bus?" I heard Matt question behind me. Turning to face him, I nodded, then put my attention to the movie again. "Alex is waiting for you." He tried to get my attention again, making me sigh. I clicked off the movie, and sat towards him.
"It's not the best idea to see anyone right now." I announced, making Matt look with me with a questioned look.
"You don't have to explain. I'll tell the driver he can take a break and you can stay on, alright? I'll tell Alex." He stated, making me sigh in relief.
"Thank you. I owe you one." I smiled at him, making him shake his head. Soon enough I was left alone on the bus with my thoughts.
I couldn't go home. I knew things were going to be rough once I get through the front door and my father wasn't going to be there. I knew it was going to be hard to grab the rest of my shit and close the door on where I lived through my whole entire life. How can I tell anyone that my father can't afford a house and his addictions. That he gave up a roof over his head just so he can drink sorrow away. That he's driving around in his broken down pick up truck, sleeping night over night in it. He wouldn't even let me help him pay for the house. I didn't want to go back and have the closure. I'm not ready to let any of it go.
"Kass? Don't you want to see your dad?" Alex's voice interrupted my conversation in my head.
"I don't think he's around right now." Lying through my teeth, he grabbed my hand, pulling me off the leather couch.
"You won't know until you see!" He smiled, leading me off the bus, in the direction of my house. I felt my heart race as we made it to my front door. Alex stood behind me, with a goofy grin on his face. Usually this would make me smile and make my heart melt over the cuteness of this all, but this situation was a little too far from serious. Pushing open the wooden door, I slowly walked upstairs, pausing at my father's room.
"Alex, can you wait in the living room for a second?" I asked, tears threatening to spill over. Alex was oblivious, and made his way down the stairs. When I walked into my father's room, that's when it all came crashing down. Beer cans were scattered along the brown carpet, almost actually covering the whole entire flooring. Stains were plastered onto the wallpaper, the green almost looking brown. Now the bed, there were white stains onto the blue sheets, making me cover my mouth in disgust. I was full on sobbing at this point, just wondering how it went so downhill.
"Kass?!" I heard my boyfriend call out, probably hearing me kick cans around in my phase of anger and sadness.
"I'm fine!" I choked out, slamming his door, running into my own room. I hardly recognized where I slept for the last eighteen years of my life. My walls were painted over, white chips covering the purple plaster. Garbage was pilled on the floors, along with clothes. My belongings were pilled in a brown box, a note laying over it. Picking it up, I let myself break down.
Dear Kassi,
I spent eighteen years raising you, and half of them I spent alone. I loved you dearly, but I knew this was the way life was going to turn out. You will accomplish your dreams, and soon forget about me. When I see you on TV, i'll be able to say you're my little girl, even when I left everything behind. I'm sorry. I love you baby girl.
Love,
Your father
I didn't waste anytime leaving my room. Letting the tears stain my face, I walked down the stairs with the brown box with the last of my belongings.
"Let's go." I said silently, letting Alex following me out the door. I felt his arms go around me, making me drop the box in surprise. Great, now all my shit was in the middle of the street.
"What's going on Kass?" Alex asked quietly, letting me stand his embrace. I shook my head, wanting these thoughts to get out of my head. I felt tears leaking through my eyes again, and I let myself fall onto the street. Before I could hit the ground, Alex caught me, bringing my head into his chest, sobbing. He whispered soft words of comfort, trying to calm me down. When I calmed down a bit, I told him the whole story, about how now I had no where to go after tour.
"You can move in with me love." Alex suggested, nibbling my ear.
"Really?" I asked hopefully.
"Of course. Now let's go get you on the bus and get you tucked in." He winked, making me smile slightly.
"Getting tucked in by Alex Gaskarth? Don't mind if I do." I smirked, making him laugh.
Even with the worst of times, he knew how to make me feel just a little bit better.
Notes
Ahhh. WRITERS BLOCK IS GONE PRAISE THE LORD AND LET'S DANCE AND CRY BECAUSE ALEX IS SO DAMN CUTE AND THEN JACK IS JUST ADORABLE AND RIAN IS ALWAYS THE BEST POTATO EVER AND ZACK IS JUST SO ZACK AND UGH.Fan girl moment is done.
Sorry.
Love you lovelies. <3
By the way, i'm going to start writing one shots because, you know. I can. So if anyone wants one, or has an idea, feel free to comment or message me! c:
8/20/13