Mange Me, I'm A Mess
Sleep well my friend
Alex Gaskarth
The days passed, and Kass and I have been a little silent. I mean we talk, do interviews, play shows, and hang out. Just her heart wasn't in it, and that made me lose my concentration half of the time. Without me being focused, Jack was off his game, meaning Zack was losing his rhythm when Jack couldn't keep up. Then Rian was just frustrated and couldn't get our band together. It was a tough week, but no one harassed each other about our off game. We all knew something was going on with Kassi though, and all of us were worried, but scared to push it. It was currently Saturday night and everyone was goofing off, besides Kass. Honestly, none of us knew where she was, but we knew sometimes she liked being alone. By sometimes, I mean all the time. I'm just starting to think she never really had a friend, so she's used to it all. I walked off the bus, facing the cool breeze. Winter was making an approach across the states, only it being November. I walked around the bus to see Kassi looking up at the sky. Her words played back to me from the night we kissed, and realizing that was what she was doing. I awkwardly walked over to her, sitting down.
"You've been strangely quiet lately." I said, trying to get her attention. She stared at me blankly.
"I just have a lot on my mind I guess."
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, grabbing her hand, rubbing little circles into her palm.
"I miss my mom. I miss the feeling of a blade. I miss my happiness. I miss being normal." She took a deep breath. "I just don't know how to fix any of this." She said quietly, looking into my eyes. Pain was clearly marked on her face.
"Kass, you can't expect just to fix it. First of all, normal is overrated. For you being happy, i'll try my hardest. I know depression can last years, but the band, the crew, fucking everyone will help you through it. We haven't known you long but we love you, you're part of the family."
"I'm so sorry Alex. I didn't want to bring trouble into this band." She embraced me, and I squeezed back tightly.
"You will never be trouble. Let's bring you back on the bus and I think it's time you explain to the band and crew what's going on." Kass nodded and we boarded the bus, everyone staring at us. We sat down, and started. A hour later the tale was told, and every eye had tears coming out of it. Everyone accepted the facts, and I knew they'd help her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Guys, i'm driving! I'm fucking driving!" Jack screamed with happiness, while we drove down the pitch black road. The video camera was filming the moment, since Jack begged Matt to drive, and he wouldn't for the rest of the tour if he could tonight. The camera was facing me and Kass at the moment, and she was saying how much she loved her family if she died.
"I hate this band." I joked into the camera, making Jack swerve a little bit on the road.
"JACK GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. I AM NOT DYING IN THIS CAR!" Kass screamed, causing Rian to laugh. Zack was talking about some protein thing for on the road and Matt was having a heart attack in the front seat with the camera.
"I feel like I should start praying or some shit." I announced, bowing my head. Rian joined me in my prayer. "God, please don't let me die. I tend to like living, and i'm having a great time down here. Amen." I opened my eyes, and Kass play punched my shoulder.
"I'm in a van full of idiots." Kassi said, done with our shit already.
"You know, that hurts. RIGHT HERE. IT HURTS RIGHT HERE!" Jack screamed, putting a hand to his heart.
"KEEP YOUR HANDS ON THE WHEEL!" Rian yelled at him, making Jack pout.
"Wake me up when were there." Kass mumbled, leaning her head on my shoulder. I put my arms around her, and Rian was making kissy faces at me.
"Aw little Lexy has a crush." Jack cooed, looking back at us for a split second.
"Do not." I mumbled.
"Seriously, you spend every minute with her. Fans are even calling you Kalex." Zack pointed out. I let a sigh escape.
"Fine, maybe I do. I just want to do something special." I admitted, feeling like a loser.
"You'll figure it out man." Rian patted my shoulder. I dropped the conversation by closing my eyes, leaning into Kass. I hummed Daydream Away and let myself fall into sleep.
The days passed, and Kass and I have been a little silent. I mean we talk, do interviews, play shows, and hang out. Just her heart wasn't in it, and that made me lose my concentration half of the time. Without me being focused, Jack was off his game, meaning Zack was losing his rhythm when Jack couldn't keep up. Then Rian was just frustrated and couldn't get our band together. It was a tough week, but no one harassed each other about our off game. We all knew something was going on with Kassi though, and all of us were worried, but scared to push it. It was currently Saturday night and everyone was goofing off, besides Kass. Honestly, none of us knew where she was, but we knew sometimes she liked being alone. By sometimes, I mean all the time. I'm just starting to think she never really had a friend, so she's used to it all. I walked off the bus, facing the cool breeze. Winter was making an approach across the states, only it being November. I walked around the bus to see Kassi looking up at the sky. Her words played back to me from the night we kissed, and realizing that was what she was doing. I awkwardly walked over to her, sitting down.
"You've been strangely quiet lately." I said, trying to get her attention. She stared at me blankly.
"I just have a lot on my mind I guess."
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, grabbing her hand, rubbing little circles into her palm.
"I miss my mom. I miss the feeling of a blade. I miss my happiness. I miss being normal." She took a deep breath. "I just don't know how to fix any of this." She said quietly, looking into my eyes. Pain was clearly marked on her face.
"Kass, you can't expect just to fix it. First of all, normal is overrated. For you being happy, i'll try my hardest. I know depression can last years, but the band, the crew, fucking everyone will help you through it. We haven't known you long but we love you, you're part of the family."
"I'm so sorry Alex. I didn't want to bring trouble into this band." She embraced me, and I squeezed back tightly.
"You will never be trouble. Let's bring you back on the bus and I think it's time you explain to the band and crew what's going on." Kass nodded and we boarded the bus, everyone staring at us. We sat down, and started. A hour later the tale was told, and every eye had tears coming out of it. Everyone accepted the facts, and I knew they'd help her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Guys, i'm driving! I'm fucking driving!" Jack screamed with happiness, while we drove down the pitch black road. The video camera was filming the moment, since Jack begged Matt to drive, and he wouldn't for the rest of the tour if he could tonight. The camera was facing me and Kass at the moment, and she was saying how much she loved her family if she died.
"I hate this band." I joked into the camera, making Jack swerve a little bit on the road.
"JACK GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. I AM NOT DYING IN THIS CAR!" Kass screamed, causing Rian to laugh. Zack was talking about some protein thing for on the road and Matt was having a heart attack in the front seat with the camera.
"I feel like I should start praying or some shit." I announced, bowing my head. Rian joined me in my prayer. "God, please don't let me die. I tend to like living, and i'm having a great time down here. Amen." I opened my eyes, and Kass play punched my shoulder.
"I'm in a van full of idiots." Kassi said, done with our shit already.
"You know, that hurts. RIGHT HERE. IT HURTS RIGHT HERE!" Jack screamed, putting a hand to his heart.
"KEEP YOUR HANDS ON THE WHEEL!" Rian yelled at him, making Jack pout.
"Wake me up when were there." Kass mumbled, leaning her head on my shoulder. I put my arms around her, and Rian was making kissy faces at me.
"Aw little Lexy has a crush." Jack cooed, looking back at us for a split second.
"Do not." I mumbled.
"Seriously, you spend every minute with her. Fans are even calling you Kalex." Zack pointed out. I let a sigh escape.
"Fine, maybe I do. I just want to do something special." I admitted, feeling like a loser.
"You'll figure it out man." Rian patted my shoulder. I dropped the conversation by closing my eyes, leaning into Kass. I hummed Daydream Away and let myself fall into sleep.
8/20/13