It’s a day before Alex Gaskarth’s birthday; he is going to be 23. ‘Nobody likes you when your 23’. Alex is starting to get the feeling that this statement is true.

No one is returning his texts or calls and not one thing about his birthday has been mentioned.

Last year the guys had planned a really big party for him. There was a buzz for at least a month before his birthday but this year it’s different… NOTHING has been mentioned.

The closer it got to his the birthday the less contact he had with all his closest friends.

Alex had, had enough of everyone ignoring him, so he pulled on his shoes and left the house; he planned to go to the broad walk where he knew the majority of the guys would be.

The walk was quiet and Alex hated it, he’s never been alone, he always has someone to talk to, whether they were with him or through the phone, he was never lonely, but right now he was alone, and he hated it.

The feeling he had never felt before grew stronger when he saw his best friend. He smiled and waved at her, but when she saw him, she quickly turned back around and started to walk away.

Alex was in shock, in all the years they’ve known each other, she had never treated him like that. She usually greeted him with the biggest smile and one of the best hugs he could ask for. Emma has been his best friend for years.

But today the day before his birthday, she ignored him and walked away quickly dragging along, Zack and Rian along with her.

He carried on walking trying to shake the feeling of emptiness, occasionally pulling out his phone to check if anyone had texted him, he was disappointed each time.

When Alex became too cold he went to the nearest diner and got a coffee, he sat at the back moping over his coffee, trying to figure out why everyone was ignoring him.

At first he couldn’t come up with anything, then suddenly it had hit him, the other night with Jack…

Jack had told everyone and everyone now hated him…
Why did I do it Alex asked himself over and over again, tears started to roll down his cheeks as he remembered that night…

‘J-j-jack, st-stop it, pleeeeease, I c-cant breath’ he giggled as Jack continued tickling Alex.

Jack removed his hands from Alex’s body and looked into his eyes, ‘Make me’ he said with a sarcastic smile spread across his face, before Alex could even reply Jack’s hands were back at his sides, Alex squirmed around trying to get away from him, when he fell off the bed on to the floor with a loud thump.

His hand instantly flew up to his head, that was going to leave a lovely bruise. Jack started to laugh at Alex ‘your face was a picture when you fell’ Alex glared at him because it really hurt, ‘yeah well its your fault, if you weren’t being so childish, I wouldn’t have fell’ this made Jack laugh even more. ‘Me childish? Never!!’ Jack exclaimed.

Alex stood up and sat on the computer chair not wanting to be near jack, he pissed me off. Jack WAS such a child, but so was Alex when they were around each other, they had always been so close growing up, shamelessly flirting but only as friends, or that’s what he thought, Jack didn’t know Alex had been in love with him for years, Jack was all he could think about.

Alex felt jacks eyes on him, he was still trying not to laugh, ‘hey lexi come here, don’t be mad I was only messing’

Alex turned and flipped him off. ‘if you don’t come here now and watch a film with me ill make you regret it’

Alex simply looked at him and said ‘oh yeah Barakat how do you plan on doing that?’

Jack huffed and pouted, ‘just come here please I hate it when your mad at me’


Alex smiled and walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, Jack instantly pulled Alex to wards him so he was snuggled to his side. Jack instantly started tracing patterns on Alex’s hip where his tshirt and rode up slightly.

He shivered and smiled, he loved it when Jack touched him. Alex sighed and leaned in closer to him, he rested his hand on Jacks stomach and traced patterns there, Alex didn’t pay much notice to the film that was playing, he just concentrated on Jack, the way his hand felt on him, how he could hear his heart beat, the way his body felt when he laughed, the way it felt when his breath ghosted over his face.

He was getting lost in him, that’s when Jack cleared his throat. ‘lex you aren’t even watching the film, you haven’t laughed once and its some pretty funny shit, what your thinking so hard about?’

Alex looked up at him through threw his eyelashes, ‘nothing jack’ he said with a sigh he could never tell him what was really going through his mind, he would freak out.

‘lex im not stupid, whats up, tell me’ Jack insisted looking him straight in the eyes.

Alex sat up keeping his eyes locked on jacks, ‘this is whats on my mind’ he breathed and leant forward and pressed his lips to Jack, Jack froze, Alex knew that second he had fucked everything up, jack pushed him away hard, Alex fell off the bed, hitting his elbow and crying out in pain, not only from that but from the pain of the rejection from Jack. Alex looked up at him frightened off his reaction.

‘WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT’ he spat,

‘i-i-i don’t know’ Alex mumbled.

‘GET OUT OF MY BEDROOM, MY HOUSE AND MY LIFE’ Jack screamed. Alex got up quickly and ran all the way to Emma’s house tears streaming constantly’

As Alex slipped out of the all to vivid flash back he noticed people staring at him, Alex’s tears had picked up.

He got up quickly, he needed air, he ran out of the diner and on to the beach, it was clear seen as it was the middle of December.

He walked right up to the waters edge where the water lapped at his feet, Alex shivered and was pulled back into his memories.

He stood in front of Emma’s door dripping wet, funny he hadn’t even realised it was raining.

Alex banged the door until she opened it collapsing in her arms. She led him to her bedroom and sat him on her bed and went looking for some of the clothes that Alex usually keep over her house. She handed him them with a towel and left the room.
When Alex had finished changing he climbed into her bed and laid there with the covers pulled up over his head. After 2 minutes she knocked the door and came in, she climbed in to bed with him and pulled him close to her, she instantly started rubbing his back and whispering to comforting words to him.

She told him stop crying and everything was fine. Alex hadn’t even realised he had started crying again. She hugged him until he stopped crying and felt sleepy.

When Alex woke up he was still in her arms, he looked up at her sheepishly.

She just smiled, ‘now are we going to talk about what’s wrong?’ she asked squeezing him, Alex shook his head while sitting up with his back to her, she sighed, ‘Alex you cant come here crying and then cry all night until you fall asleep and not tell me whats wrong’

He took a deep breathe and turned back around to face her. ‘okay… I don’t know how to say this but… I’ve basically screwed up my whole life, I let my feelings get the better of me and I’ve lost one of the most important people in my life’ Alex started crying again,

Emma was confused, ‘what do you mean? Screwed up your whole life and lost someone, whats happened?’

After trying to work out what and how he should say it, Alex just come out with it, ‘im gay okay? And I love jack, last night I was at his house before I came here and I kissed him, he flipped out pushed me away and told me to get out of his life, that’s when I come here, that’s why I’ve screwed up my life and that’s why I’ve lost him, I need him and now I don’t have him, my life may as well be over. I’m gay, no one will accept me and I’m going to have no one!’ he ranted and sobbed even more into the pillow.

Emma hugged him until he calmed down, she looked him straight in the eyes and said ‘Alex do you honestly believe no one is going to accept you and push you out?’ he nodded ‘you are so silly sometimes, I hate to break it to you lex but I knew you were gay I’ve known for a long time, you are always going to have me, and the guys are going to accept you, we all love you, you are who you are and no one can change that, if they cant accept it then fuck them.’

Alex looked her in shock, since when did she know he was gay? ‘you knew?’


‘yeah lex, I did and I think everyone else kinda knows too’

‘okay so everyone wont hate me because I’m gay, but Em, the most important person does, he said he wants me out of his life, I cant lose him I just cant’ he stopped speaking as the realisation of what he done washed through him.

Emma lifted his chin up to look at her ‘ he doesn’t hate you lex he was just shocked I’m sure everything will be fine! You two have been best friends for, well since forever, that’s not just going to be thrown away.’

‘but you didn’t see the look in his eyes and how he shouted at me, he does hate me, and I’ve just ruined the friendship, I should never have done anything, I should’ve ignored it like I have for the past couple of years but now its too late my life is over.’

‘Alexander William Gaskarth, now stop being so stupid and dramatic and listen to me, you have not just ruined everything and your life is not over! Jack was just shocked, I don’t think he could deal with you out of his life, just like you say that you cant lose him, if I’m being honest I’m surprised this didn’t happened sooner, you two are so close and you always flirt, when I first met you I thought you were a couple. I don’t think either of you could be without each other. Now stop dwelling over it everything will be fine and you’ll ALWAYS have me’…

Alex laughed, that’s a promise she broke then. He’ll always have her, that’s why she is ignoring him and that’s why she walked away from him earlier.

Alex started to cry again, he was alone.

His phone starts ringing bringing him from his depression, with enthusiasm he pulls out his phone as it hasn’t rung in days, only to be extremely disappointed, it was his mom, she wanted him to go to her house for a birthday dinner with the family as she knows he will be busy with the guys tomorrow on his actual birthday.

Alex laughs bitterly at that statement and starts to walk to his moms house. The walk is long lonely and slow, Alex has no energy to be happy let alone put on a front to please his parents now.