Lisa’s reaction over the next few days was not one that I had expected. She was less angry and more… Anxious, yet she was always happy. I knew she was only happy to protect me. She had developed a keen eye on my emotions over the years and was a pro at disguising her own emotions for the sake of mine. Maybe it was conceited to think that, but whether she did it to spare me or to spare herself, she had a heart of gold. Bless her fucking soul.

“Uh… There’s just one more potential guest for the party…” I said on that fateful Saturday morning once I descended the steps, scratching the back of my neck.

Lisa looked up from her perched position at the kitchen table, coffee in hand, mind focused on a book. She smiled and said, “Oh, who?”

I gulped before uttering, “Macy.”

Her eyes went wide for a moment and then she looked down at her book. I could tell she was weighing her options. Lisa never said anything unless she was positive they were the right words.

“Alex, I can’t keep pretending like this okay,” she whispered, still not meeting my gaze.

I nodded and replied, “I know, I know. Lisa, you have nothing to worry about, I promise!”

She looked up, her eyes sad, and said, “I don’t believe you.”

She took a few moments before continuing, “Alex, when you broke up with her, I was the one who was there to pick up those pieces. You didn’t even notice me until then. Oh, I can’t believe I’m saying all of this… It’s just… I watched how broken you were, how depressed. And that’s when I realized that I would never mean infinitely as much to you as she did. I knew that I would always be the second girl on your mind, not the first.”

She whispered the last few words, and all I could do was stare at her. To an extent, she was right. I was beyond broken and she was the one who put me back together. To say that she was always the second girl on my mind was a lie. Lisa and I had spent too much time together for that happen, and I did love her more than anything.

“Lis…” I sighed. I walked over to the table and grabbed her hand, pulling her up so she was standing. I wrapped my arms around her narrow shoulders and hugged her tightly, taking in the scent of her skin – not the color yellow, but the smell of soft sheets; her morning smell. I smiled against the skin of her neck and felt her exhale against mine, almost a laugh.

I pulled back and looked into her eyes – her beautiful, bright green eyes that never failed to make me happy. She was such a beautiful lady, with brown hair that flowed down to her back and a huge, toothy smile that made my heart soar. In that moment I forgot that Macy had even visited and it was just Lisa and I in a world meant for two.

“You know I love you, right?” I whispered as I touched my forehead to hers.

She nodded her head and replied, “But things can change.”

At this statement I completely pulled away and stared at her, exasperated.

“Are you kidding me?” I said. “Lisa, we’ve been together for four years. Just because… Just because Macy is back in town for God knows how long, does not mean we’re going to change.” I motioned in between our bodies and then threw my hands up. “This is ridiculous!”

She looked down at the floor and replied, “I know, I’m sorry.”

“No…” I sighed. “Don’t be fucking sorry… It’s not your fault. I can understand why you feel like that. But you have to trust me on this, okay? She’ll always be just my friend.” Right?

“Why did you invite her?” she asked, looking up questioningly.

“I… I don’t know…” I muttered. “It was just an awkward situation and I felt bad… I didn’t want to make her feel unwanted, you know?”

Lisa pulled away and began cleaning up her breakfast, her one defense mechanism that drove me insane.

“Lis… Don’t go cleaning up – talk to me! Tell me how you feel! It’s not fair if I have to tell you and you don’t even say anything in return!”

She dropped her plates in the sink and turned slowly, her eyes sad.

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt again. I’ve… I’ve done a lot in this relationship – I’ve done my part, I mean. I don’t want to see that ruined by her coming back. I know that sounds ridiculous and selfish of me to think or say that, but… Alex, we have a life together. It isn’t just some stupid high school relationship. We have a house and a dog and careers, and… I don’t know… I just don’t want any unwanted feelings from her trip ruining all of that.”

There was a pause, a rather awkward one, and she turned back to the dishes. She was right – we had built a life together. We might as well be married, but without the title of “husband and wife”. The realization of that was something I hadn’t ever thought about before. We had just grown into each other’s lives so fluidly that I hadn’t even noticed how deeply rooted we were in each other.

“Lisa, I promise nothing is going to happen. You have to fucking trust me. If you can trust me on tour, you can trust me with this.”

She nodded and said, “Okay, okay. Look, I’m going to run quickly to the liquor store for tonight, Kara’s coming any second to drop off Rian’s car.”

She dried her hands and grabbed her coat, swiftly putting it on as she headed toward the front door. She was still clearly upset and just didn’t want to talk to me anymore, which explained the sudden departure.

“Can you just do me a favor and sweep the kitchen a little? I accidentally spilled some coffee grinds and they got a little scattered…”

“Of course,” I replied, walking over to her and kissing her gently on the lips.

She went to pull away, but I pulled her back to me and deepened the kiss, allowing my vision to blur and my head to spin with the sweetness of her lips.

When I did pull away, her eyes were still closed and she muttered, “I love you,” before shutting the door and leaving, her eyes glued to the pavement.

I sighed and grabbed the broom from the closet. I could keep my promise, right? Yeah! Lisa had nothing to worry about… Macy just got here for Christ’s sake! But I couldn’t help but feel that everyone thought it was inevitable - that Macy and I were destined to be together and all that other crap. I would make it my duty for that not to happen. Macy wouldn’t be here for long… I just had to wait it out until she left.

The door opened suddenly and Kara flew in and dropped Rian’s car keys down on the kitchen table. The surprise made me drop the broom and screech, my heart rate spiking to an unhealthy beat. Kara just giggled and headed back for the door.

“Wait!” I shouted. “You can’t just bust in here and leave without saying anything!”

“Oh, I think I can,” Kara said with a laugh. “I just needed to drop Rian’s car off. I have to hurry.”

“Someone waiting for you?” I asked. She nodded in response.

“Oh… Well, you’ll be back to come to the party, right?”

“Of course! Relax… I’m just going out to lunch,” she said, opening the door.

“Oooh, Kara’s got a hot date? Who ya cheatin’ with?” I laughed, raising an eyebrow. She laughed uneasily and then looked back toward the door. The realization came slowly, but when it did, my heartbeat raced once more.

“Wait… Macy’s not out there, is she?” I asked warily. Kara only nodded slightly.

“Oh… Uhm… Do you know if she’s coming tonight?”

“Alex, I’m sure she’s not. I mean, would you go?”

Would I? Most likely not.

“Is she… Okay? Like, clean and all?”

Kara smiled slightly and replied, “Been clean for two years. I’m really proud of her. She’s completely turned her life around.”

I nodded and went back to sweeping, not able to control the shake in my voice anymore. Kara sighed and just turned and left without another goodbye.

So Macy was better now? I couldn’t help but feel excited about that fact. It had been years since I had seen Macy… Normal. I just always had come to the conclusion that she was too far gone, but the idea of a happy, normal Macy – a Macy I hadn’t seen in… Almost ten years – was extremely enticing, a feeling that I had promised Lisa I would not indulge in.