I stood in the doorway as my eyes bore into the familiar blue orbs I once knew so well. She sat awkwardly on the couch, her eyes darting between Rian and I, unsure of what she should do next. She stood and crossed the room, standing in the doorway between the foyer and the living room.

“Hey,” she said softly, her melodic voice sending chills down my spine. I hadn’t realized how much I ached to hear that voice until that moment.

“I… Uh… What are you doing here?” I asked, trying to sound less surprised than I felt.

In reality my whole body was rigid with surprise, as if a group of people jumped out from behind the couch and I hadn’t regained my composure. I couldn’t believe that she was standing in my house. I couldn’t believe that what I was seeing was real - but there she was, standing warily in the doorway, her eyes alarmed, but soft.

“Rian invited me, actually… I… Didn’t know you were going to be here,” she said softly.

I just stared at her. She smiled lightly, trying to make the situation less uncomfortable. All I could focus on was the deep, jagged scar that began at the corner of her mouth and reached toward the middle of her cheek. Another one sliced through her right eyebrow, just missing the corner of her eye, ending at the tip of her cheekbone. My sight slid further down her neck until it reached her chest, five equally spaced scars scattered across her gleaming skin, almost resembling rays of sun emanating from her collarbones. Who was this girl?

I didn’t care. She looked healthier than she ever had in years, and her glowing complexion told me she was better. I felt relieved, but slightly confused as to how this happened - how she ended up in my living room looking… Happy.

“You look… Great,” I whispered. She shifted uncomfortably, sensing my analyzing gaze.

“So do you,” she replied, extending her arms out, inviting me into a hug. I stared at her warily, but crossed the room and returned her gesture.

Her scent filled my nose and made me dizzy. Not a perfumed scent, but the smell of her pure skin - the scent that made me think of the color yellow and reminded me of springtime at dusk - the scent that I would stay up all night just to smell as she slept peacefully.

She was the first to pull away, and I wish she hadn’t. I missed her touch as soon as her hand left my forearm and she tightened her grip on the strap of her purse.

“I better be going,” she said, saying her words slowly and carefully. “It was really nice seeing you guys.”

She smiled warmly and headed for the door. Every inch of me screamed, “Stop! Come back!” but I couldn’t seem to find my voice. I looked back at Rian who only shrugged uneasily.

“Wait!” I shouted as her hand turned the doorknob. She turned instantly as if she was expecting my interruption. My heart began to race as I looked into her ice blue eyes, her dark lashes blinking in confusion.

“We’re, uh... Having a party Saturday and… You should come! A lot of old friends will be there,” I said quickly.

She looked down at the ground for a moment and then replied, “Alex, I-“

Of course she was going to say no. How could I be so stupid? Why would she want to see old friends? I surely wouldn’t if the situation was reversed. I just needed another excuse to see her again, and I prayed she would change her mind.

“No! He’s right!” Rian cut in, before she could recite her rejection. I stared at him, relieved he spoke. It was the least he could do for not informing me that Macy would be there, since I knew Macy would never accept my invitation. “Come Saturday, it’ll be fun!”

She smiled softly and replied, “Perhaps.”

And she turned and left without another goodbye.

“What… Did you do that for? Why the hell was she here?!” I asked in a frenzy.

My back fell against the living room wall and I clutched my chest, struggling to catch my breath. It was so stupid to feel this way, but I couldn’t help it. I had never, in a million years, expected Macy Granger to appear in my house at that moment. I had never even expected her to be alive, let alone see her again.

That thought itself made me want to faint. She was alive. Alive and well it seemed, something I had never anticipated. I lived the last four years convincing myself that I didn’t need her, just so that it would feel a little less painful if I was ever informed she had passed away. I never got that call, though. I should’ve known she’d come back eventually.

The doorknob turned and the slight smell of flowery perfume filled my nose, relaxing my tense muscles. Lisa glided through the door and kissed me happily on the lips, her smile brightening my mood tenfold.

“Hello, lovely,” she said, her bright green eyes sparkling in the sunlight that shown through the windows.

I couldn’t help but smile back. I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist and leaned down to kiss her once more. She smiled against my lips as I placed my hands on her sides.

A flash of a memory shot itself across my conscious brain, a memory I had long suppressed. My heart ached as the movie played itself over and over.

"If I were to jump off this ledge, would you be sad?” she asked, her eyes serious, but awfully curious. She was peering over the edge of the mountain where you could clearly see houses upon houses for miles. She looked back at me, expecting me to answer.

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I be?” I replied, confused. I pushed myself off the ground and walked over to her. I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her, feeling her mouth curve into a smile.

“Would you be devastated?” she asked once she pulled away.

I looked up at the clouds in the sky, mulling over my answer carefully. Would I be devastated? Devastated was an understatement.

“I think I would jump right off with you,” I answered, looking down over the ledge.

“If I ran away would you follow?”

I placed my hands on her sides, causing her to jolt slightly at my touch. She smiled uneasily and pushed herself against me so that my hands slid to her back – so that they’d stop making her feel uncomfortable and self-conscious.

“Always.”

I never followed her.

The thought repeated itself a thousand times. I never followed her. Why? Because I was scared. I was scared of losing her, of watching her die before my eyes. It seemed like an easier decision to just stay put, but those measly months led to years, and I found it much easier to push it all out of my mind and move on. But did I ever really move on?

I could still feel the restrictive tension around my lungs telling me I never did.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” Lisa asked, touching my cheek affectionately.

I jolted back to reality, my mind still far from where it should have been. Lisa looked up questioningly, the crease between her eyebrows deepening with every second that ticked by.

“Alex, please tell me,” she asked.

I looked into the living room at Rian who sat on the couch looking at his phone. He looked up and frowned, shrugging his shoulders in an attempt to apologize. The bastard.

“I… Uhm… Nothing, Lis. I’m fine,” I replied, wriggling free from her grip. She grabbed my wrist before I could walk away.

“Alex, please tell me the truth. What’s hurting you?”

I suddenly felt as if I was going to collapse. My heart rate sped up and was now sprinting like a racehorse in the lead, its eyes on the finish line only a couple meters ahead. I wasn’t in the mood to talk about what was going on, but I would never be able to avoid her if I didn’t tell her how I felt. Besides, she deserved to know, especially if I personally invited Macy to our house party.

I sighed and replied, “Macy came back.”