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So Wrong Its Right - Comments
Im on chapter 7 at the moment and going to continue but OH MY FUCKING GASKARTH!!!!! I never thoughht of alex and jack like this! Poor emilie (cant spell)
i hate this story, Not the actual story but the storyline. You're an a amazing writer and this is brillian i just hate how alex and jack are in this !!!!! Gets me so mad but GREAT STORY BY THE WAY!!! :D
i hate this story, Not the actual story but the storyline. You're an a amazing writer and this is brillian i just hate how alex and jack are in this !!!!! Gets me so mad but GREAT STORY BY THE WAY!!! :D
I love this story, You are a really good writer, this story makes me want to punch Jack in the face :)
@hahahayleybug
i just read the Alex chaper, at least he went easy on her.... I'm really curious to what Jack will do. Can't wait!!
i just read the Alex chaper, at least he went easy on her.... I'm really curious to what Jack will do. Can't wait!!
@BabyBlueEyes71199
I feel realllly slow right now bc i had the next chpater typed out last night and i guess i forgot to hit post bc when i got on today the story was still sitting there then i closed it out on an Accident :/ ill put up 2 or 3 chapters tonight!
I feel realllly slow right now bc i had the next chpater typed out last night and i guess i forgot to hit post bc when i got on today the story was still sitting there then i closed it out on an Accident :/ ill put up 2 or 3 chapters tonight!
ooooohhhhh! 'Punishment'.... Can't wait to see what that is... poor Emeli. She never made it out... Can I just tell you:
1.) Your story is so great! The character development wasn't to quick or slow
2.) I love how this story is playing out!
3.) You have one of the most interesting stories on this site!
Please post soon! (Take your time, I don't wanna rush you tho!)
xoxo
1.) Your story is so great! The character development wasn't to quick or slow
2.) I love how this story is playing out!
3.) You have one of the most interesting stories on this site!
Please post soon! (Take your time, I don't wanna rush you tho!)
xoxo
Ive been getting alot of nice messages regarding this story and i just want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH! People seem to really be enjoying this. Sorry I was absent for a few days had some stuff to handle. But i will be posting (try) atleast one chapter a night! Thanks!
XOXOXOXOX -hahahayleybug
XOXOXOXOX -hahahayleybug
Haha thanks ill go back through tommrow when im on my computer and fix it. It was really rushed because i did it on my phone. About the trigger warning I TOTTALY forgot about that. Being how ive never been in a bad sittuation where somthing triggers me i forgot to add it in. Ill add in more details to tommrow. But thanks!
@starklight
That should kinda be in a warning in the summary =/
Summary was good - broad enough to get my interest with out giving away the plot BUT with this kink stuff you need to be careful some people have emotional triggers and scenes like that can bring up really really really bad memories/images. So, had it not been the specific topic, great way to draw a reader in the summary.
Aside from having some serious PTSD/anger/fear/suicidal triggers set off, it could have been a little more realistic. Show how they gain her "trust" in those two hours. If you want believable - she's gonna fight back a hell of a lot harder no matter how much smaller she is. If they are "kidnapping" they're gonna have to be a lot more forceful. Readers (who HAVE been warned about the triggers) want to see the events, not have them told.
GRAMMAR: the paragraphs were hard to read (easily one thing that losses readers FAST) - have a beta look over the format or correct it yourself
"I looked over(spell check) at Jack(capitalize names). He gave me the look telling me that this was the one. "Hey,(comma inserted) you wanna hang out with us?" I asked hopeing she would say yes.
NEW PARAGRAPH
"DUH!" she screamed.
NEW PARAGRAPH
"Ok,(comma inserted) we're(proper contraction) gonna go get our equipment packed up you can wait right there,(comma inserted)" Jack said pointing to a chair infront of the door. She smiled and walked over(spell check) to it.
First paragraph was great - doesn't give the reader information too much information that isn't important, but keeps enough of the mundane to make it appear like a cohernt thought process.
Just my POV as an attempted rape survivour/creative writing minor
Sorry to be a witch with a b but I don't see the point of commenting unless it's constructive
Summary was good - broad enough to get my interest with out giving away the plot BUT with this kink stuff you need to be careful some people have emotional triggers and scenes like that can bring up really really really bad memories/images. So, had it not been the specific topic, great way to draw a reader in the summary.
Aside from having some serious PTSD/anger/fear/suicidal triggers set off, it could have been a little more realistic. Show how they gain her "trust" in those two hours. If you want believable - she's gonna fight back a hell of a lot harder no matter how much smaller she is. If they are "kidnapping" they're gonna have to be a lot more forceful. Readers (who HAVE been warned about the triggers) want to see the events, not have them told.
GRAMMAR: the paragraphs were hard to read (easily one thing that losses readers FAST) - have a beta look over the format or correct it yourself
"I looked over(spell check) at Jack(capitalize names). He gave me the look telling me that this was the one. "Hey,(comma inserted) you wanna hang out with us?" I asked hopeing she would say yes.
NEW PARAGRAPH
"DUH!" she screamed.
NEW PARAGRAPH
"Ok,(comma inserted) we're(proper contraction) gonna go get our equipment packed up you can wait right there,(comma inserted)" Jack said pointing to a chair infront of the door. She smiled and walked over(spell check) to it.
First paragraph was great - doesn't give the reader information too much information that isn't important, but keeps enough of the mundane to make it appear like a cohernt thought process.
Just my POV as an attempted rape survivour/creative writing minor
Sorry to be a witch with a b but I don't see the point of commenting unless it's constructive
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5/21/13